


The Matchmaker

by lizconno



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Complete, F/M, Humor, Romance, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-07 20:27:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 53,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizconno/pseuds/lizconno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella Swan makes her living matching up San Diego's singles. Edward Cullen is her newest client and biggest challenge so far. How many dates will Edward have before Bella realizes she's his perfect match? </p><p>BxE/AH/OOC/silliness/mature themes/COMPLETE/ </p><p>This story was originally posted at fanfiction.net, but has been reposted here and removed there as part of a boycott of the site.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: The characters are the property of S. Meyer. The story is the property of lizconno (Copyright © 2011-2012). Reproducing in any form is prohibited without the express written consent of lizconno.

**disclaimer:** The characters are the property of S. Meyer. The story is the property of lizconno (Copyright © 2011-2012). Reproducing in any form is prohibited without the express written consent of lizconno.

_Please excuse the lack of italicization in this story; cutting and pasting from other sites doesn't keep formatting when transferring to AO3._

Sitting down in front of her office computer, Bella Swan reviewed her next appointment's answers on his compatibility profile. All potential clients were required to complete Love Match's lengthy questionnaire before meeting Bella or paying her retainer. She wasn't going to make that mistake again even if everything had turned out okay in the end…

Ever since Bella was a little girl, she had a knack for fixing up people. It all started after her parents, Charlie and Renee, amicably divorced. Bella had just seen The Parent Trap, and the precocious nine-year-old figured she was just as effective as Haley Mills (and her "twin"), if not more so. Employing the devious skills of her older half-brother, Emmett, Bella put in place her plan to force her parents back together. And force them together they did. One afternoon, both Charlie and Renee responded to frenzied calls from their children who claimed they needed rescuing from some non-mentioned evil. The parents, unaware that the other had also received a similar message, hurried to the park nearest the house where Renee now lived with the kids. Once the parents caught sight of one another, Charlie and Renee teamed up to find their missing children. Much to their dismay, the kids had other plans and soon locked them in a storage shed.

At first, Charlie, a detective with the local police force, bellowed that if they weren't released within thirty seconds, the children would be facing years of grounding. But when quiet quickly fell over the park, Bella and Emmett momentarily considered unlocking them until they realized their parents were just as devious as they had been. Bella then informed her parents that she and Emmett were "just doing this for your own good" and that they'd be freed after they kissed and made up. It wasn't that simple, but Bella's meddling set the stage for her parents' reunion, which the four celebrated a year later in a tiny marriage celebration at the La Jolla Cove.

The wedding also served as the impetus for Bella appointing herself as the best matchmaker ever. Over the years, Bella successfully fixed up so many friends and family members that Charlie suggested she consider making a life out of it when he became acutely aware of how miserable Bella was an accountant. Bella heeded the advice of her always fiscally conservative father, with whom she enjoyed an incredibly close relationship.

Her parents, who weren't wealthy by any means (Charlie had been appointed Chief of Police for La Mesa, and Renee taught second grade at a La Mesa school), provided her with the seed money that eventually turned into Love Match. Almost ten years later, Bella was the most sought after matchmaker in Southern California and made it her business to know of all of the region's most eligible men and women, even if they weren't clients. Of course, all the singletons of the area wanted her to know of them in hopes they'd one day get the call that Love Match wanted to send them on a date with someone who might be perfectfor them. It wasn't always profitable to pair a client with a non-client, but Bella wouldn't be doing her job if she let silly little things like money get in the way. Maybe that's why she charged her clients an arm and a leg. She was worth it, after all.

While she scanned through his answers, she made notes in her indecipherable handwriting on a notepad in front of her. After flipping through the scanned pages on her screen, Bella came upon his biographical details. "Hrmm. His hobbies include completing crossword puzzles in pen and covering his body in paint before cheering on his favorite sports teams…" Bella chuckled at the seemingly paradoxical hobbies, which sounded ideal to her, before looking at his profession. Confusion struck Bella – he wrote that he was a teacher. Surely he meant a professor. How else could he afford to pay your rates? Adding this question to her list of notes, Bella felt prepared for her newest challenge – finding a match for Edward Cullen.

~oOo~

Meanwhile, Edward was navigating himself through downtown La Jolla, looking for the small one-way side street on which his GPS told him to turn. The street, once he found it, gave him a clear view of the ocean, which was just hundreds of feet away. At the view, Edward sighed, "This really is some amazing real estate..."

Edward nudged his CLK55 AMG coupe into a tiny space on Coast Boulevard and started looking for the address, which Edward assumed belonged to an office building. Much to Edward's surprise, Love Match's offices were located in a quaint bungalow shielded from the street, but with spectacular panoramic views of the Pacific. The mathematician in him began calculating estimates of what this real estate probably cost and how much of his matchmaking fee subsidized her overhead costs. All he could do was shake his head at the thoughts as the receptionist greeted him.

Ten minutes later, a light tapping on her office door pulled Bella from her head. Even though she had yet to meet or be hired by Mr. Cullen, his answers had intrigued her enough that she started running through the lengthy list of single women she maintained.

Riley poked his head through the opening and informed Bella that her next appointment had arrived. With a quick wave to Riley, Bella rose from her desk and walked to meet Mr. Cullen in the waiting room, all the while never taking her eyes off her pad of notes.

With a formal, clipped tone characteristic of the professional and put-together side she portrayed to the world, Bella greeted him. "It's good to meet you, Mr. Cullen. I'm Isabella Swan, owner and matchmaker of Love Match. If you'd like to follow—"

As the words left her mouth, Bella looked up into his face and momentarily stopped speaking when her mind decided it had other ideas. Holy fuck is he hot! her brain screamed before Bella was able to shake the errant thought from her head and finish her sentence.

"—me, we're going to meet in my office so I can get to know you better and help you find your soul mate."

The momentary pause wasn't lost on Riley, who was observing the exchange from his reception desk; but it was lost on Edward, whose own noggin surprisingly was shouting similar words of physical attraction at him. (Edward had imagined his matchmaker would be a middle-aged, dowdy woman with wiry gray hair and round spectacles framing her eyes.) Nevertheless, the two shook hands and found themselves instantly comforted by the contact.

It's too bad she's taken, Edward thought as he noticed the rings on Bella's left hand. Because something about her just feels like home... What Edward didn't know was that the eternity bands circling her ring finger were nothing more than a gift she'd given herself after her first paid match married. Bella, herself a self-proclaimed permanent singleton, wore them to keep creepy men at bay because those seemed to be the only men she attracted.

After pointing towards the two leather chairs arranged in front of her desk, Bella settled herself in her office chair.

"Mr. Cullen—" Bella began before being interrupted.

With a tilt of his head and a smirk, he corrected her. "Edward."

She noticed the crinkling around his eyes and couldn't contain the responding smile that spread across her face. He's hot, he's got diverse interests and appears smart on paper, and that smirk may be the most adorable thing. Ever! Lest he wonder why Bella stared at him without saying a word, Bella put back on her game face and continued with her introductory spiel.

"Obviously, Edward, you're here because you need help finding 'the one' and everything you've tried thus far hasn't worked. Let me guess, you've done the online dating thing even, but it's been unfulfilling." Instead of asking the last part, Bella stated it. At least she waited for Edward to confirm the statement before she continued. "Something or someone brought you to me because you know that we'll find your life partner.

"My success rate speaks for itself: 99.5% of my final matches stick together and marry." Bella grimaced as she explained her imperfect record, "One couple divorced because they found they were better as friends than lovers; although, I found them their new spouses, and now both couples are close friends who often travel together."

Impressed, Edward eagerly listened to everything Bella told him. Even with those kind of stats, I'm sure that with my luck, I'll be the first client she can't match. Edward's thoughts weren't conducive to the matchmaking process, which he quickly realized, so he erased them from his mind for the time being. But one nagging question wouldn't allow itself to be struck from his consciousness.

"How in the hell does one become a matchmaker?" Edward nervously blurted when Bella took a pause for a breath.

Bella smiled warmly and answered, "My parents have been asking me that for years. It wasn't something I sought; it sought me. I just couldn't not set up the single people around me. It sounds cheesy, but I love love. And what's better than two people in love? Nothing I can think of… So setting people up makes me happy. In the beginning, I did it all based on a feeling – some spidey sense, I guess – I got when I was around someone." A faraway look clouded Bella's eyes while she explained her how to him; Bella had never shared any of the how story with clients before, but Bella could sense that Edward needed to hear it as much as she unexpectedly needed to tell it. "I went to college, majoring in finance, before getting a job as an accountant. All along, I continued to match up people when my spidey sense kicked in. One day, my dad recognized that I was miserable. I opened Love Match in 2002, and the rest, they say, is history."

Regaining her stuffy exterior, Bella resumed getting to know Edward. "Now Edward, I've had a chance to review your profile, but before we begin, I always ask – what brings you to Love Match?"

While Edward shifted uncomfortably in his chair, Bella watched him closely. How he reacted in awkward situations was one of many aspects to Bella's matchmaking process when her spidey sense didn't kick in immediately.

And this situation had suddenly become veryawkward for Edward. Before beginning, he scratched at his jaw line where stubble had been just an hour earlier. "The simple answer is that I'm tired of being alone, and I don't exactly lead a socially active life." Bella waited for the very handsome man to continue at his own pace. "I've, uh, never been good with women. And, um, I haven't had a girlfriend in almost, um, uh, four years," he stammered as a light blush began to tinge his cheeks. Because of growing embarrassment, the last part he virtually whispered. "It's been even longer since I've had sex."

His head fell into his hands and shook from side to side as Bella gaped at him. Every person had a different reason for utilizing Bella's services, but most employed her when the dating scene had become unfulfilling, not because they weren't successful at meeting people. Bella thought to herself, There was no way on this planet that a man who looked like that has a problem finding women. Or getting laid.

"I didn't always look this put together," Edward mumbled as he continued to hide his face. "I used to wear thick glasses, short-sleeved, button-down shirts with pocket protectors, and polyester pants that never wrinkled. I'm pretty sure my students have always mocked me behind my back."

A mixture of pity and disbelief swirled through Bella's head until Edward continued, meeting her eyes for the first time. "But then my sister, Alice, kicked my ass – literally – and threw out my glasses and wardrobe. She left me with a sore butt, blind, and naked, save the boxers I was wearing. It royally sucked," he huffed as his smirk from earlier returned, and his melancholy subsided.

Bella attempted to keep a straight face, but tears threatened to run down her face. She snorted, "Well then, I guess you're in the right place."

Over the next hour, Bella and Edward talked like a therapist and patient who had had such a relationship for years. It made the whole process easier on Edward. But Bella, who had been smiling and laughing with Edward moments earlier, suddenly stiffened and became very serious.

"Edward, you musn't keep any secrets from me," Bella began solemnly. "I need to know everything about you. Don't hold back anything and don't be embarrassed about anything."

His Adam's apple bobbed when he gulped at what almost sounded like an ominous warning.

"Um, uh, why? I mean, I don't think that's going to be a problem, but you're scaring me a little to be honest."

The look of fear in Edward's eyes was apparent to Bella. She hadfreaked him out a little. Oops. Tone it down, Bella. There's a reason why you make this warning to each person who strides through that door. And it's a funny reason. So let's just dial it back.

Giggling, Bella began relating the story of why her services can't be employed until after an initial consultation. "When I first started out, I didn't have much of a budget for advertising, so I bought ad space in TheReader. My first call came from a woman named Mrs. Biers. She told me about how her son seemed so sad. Apparently, he'd been rather unsuccessful in the relationship department, and she figured that's what caused his sadness. For some reason, I allowed her to hire me over the phone; I took her credit card information and made plans to meet her son, Riley."

"Your assistant?" Edward wondered.

"One in the same. He sort of stuck around, so I put him to good use. But that's not the story!"

"It's not?" Bella shook her head in response because she was laughing too hard. "If it's that funny, you've got to tell me."

Bella hiccupped a few times as she tried to regulate her breathing and cease the guffaws that didn't seem to slow. "Not to toot my own horn, but I've managed to set people up with 'the right one' on the first or second try every single time. Until Riley. That cat out there," Bella threw her thumb in the direction of her office's anteroom, "was impossible to match. I set him up on four unsuccessful dates before I sat him down and had a pow wow."

During that meeting eight years earlier, Riley joined Bella for lunch at her favorite deli, The Smelly Deli, which was centrally located on Fifth and University in Hillcrest. Name aside, the place served the best bagels with lox and cream cheese this side of New York City, and Bella dined there at least once a week. Although she would never admit it, Bella also loved the San Diego landmark because of all the sights and sounds she encountered whenever she was there.

From her regular booth in the back corner, Bella was able to see the hustle and bustle on all four corners of the intersection. It also gave her prime view of Riley as he walked south on Fifth Avenue towards The Smelly Deli. What Bella observed confirmed her suspicions.

Riley caught sight of Bella, who looked regal as she sat in her booth as if it was a throne and she was perched above her adoring subjects.

The two, who had developed a friendship during what was turning into the arduous task of finding Riley a mate, quickly hugged before they settled themselves around the table. While exchanging pleasantries and small talk, Riley perused the menu until he found his favorite deli item – pastrami on rye.

With their orders taken, Bella allowed Riley a few more moments of peace before launching into her reasons for meeting him away from her miniscule office in University City.

"So why do I have the pleasure of lunch with you?" Riley flirtatiously asked with a wide grin and a wink.

Bella wasn't having any of his act. With a tone that was somewhere between stern and accusatory, Bella posed, "Is there something you'd like to share with me?"

A dumbfounded and thoroughly confused Riley stared back at her with his mouth ajar.

Softening her voice a little, Bella continued. "You're going to catch flies if you keep your mouth open. And I have a feeling no man is going to want to kiss that mouth…" Smugly, Bella grinned at Riley; he stuttered something unintelligible until Bella interrupted him. "Yeah, I had a feeling when I struck out with your third match. At first, I was beginning to think that it was me. I mean, I've never been so wrong with one match, let alone three. But it was your little peacock-like prance up Fifth that confirmed my suspicions that you're gay. What I saw is not a sad man whose mom ought to worry about him. That was a confident man out there. That was a man who knows himself."

Riley's mouth popped open and closed like a fish desperate for oxygen. "But, but, but…"

"Riley, it's okay. I'm glad you're gay. Wait, that sounded wrong. Um, wow, this went way better in my head when I figured out what I was going to say to you." Bella's hands, which were luckily shielded from view, shredded her napkin into smaller and smaller pieces as she struggled to get through her speech. "Let me try this again. Deep breath, Bella. Okay, so I'm happy for you, Riley, if you're happy for you.

"I wish you had told me from the get-go that you're gay. We both could've saved ourselves some moments of heart-fail and uncertainty. Okay, the uncertainty was probably mine only, but I think you know what I mean. Plus, you would already be well on your way to that commitment ceremony that I expect to be in. So what do you say about starting this matchmaking thing all over again?"

Edward paid close attention to Bella's story; the San Diego native realized where it was heading as soon as she mentioned Hillcrest, which was the city's version of the Castro, San Francisco's gay district. An image of a strutting Riley made Edward chuckle.

"The two of us talked about his hopes and fears, the greatest of which was that his parents would reject him if he came out. So he lived a closeted life for almost 30 years. If I had my way, he almost got to live a closeted married life. Long story short, he came out to his parents who were so excited because they recognized the return of the mischievous spark in their son's eyes, which had been extinguished over 15 years earlier. Everyone insisted that I not return the retainer, which I refund if I'm not successful by the way, and instead asked me to find Riley's match.

"Honestly, I wouldn't have taken the case if I had known that I was matching two men. I wasn't prepared for that, and I didn't know a lot of single gay people. But I knew tons of gay couples, so I went to work. And the second I shook Felix's hand, I felt it in my bones."

Just then, Riley burst into her office. "Don't you dare finish that story!"

"Not going to hap—" Riley playfully covered Bella's mouth and wrestled with her.

Their jovial repartee and Bella's unguarded moment, coupled with his sense that Bella got him, was enough for Edward. His decision was made to hire Bella. Of course, his subconscious brain made the decision the second he shook Bella's hand.

Finally free of Riley's grasp, Bella finished the story that Riley, himself, preferred to tell. "My former neighbors, Eric and Trevor, dragged me to Full Moon, which is a drag queen bar. Anyway, at some point during the evening, I turned towards the front door and watched as this giant drag queen glided past me. She was gorgeous and made me feel like a plain Jane and a schlub all at the same time. Something about her drew me in, and I had to meet her. Two weeks later, Riley and Felix hadn't spent an evening apart since meeting. Another three months later, and they were moving in together."

To Edward, it sounded like an extraordinary, albeit different love story. "Ms. Swan, I'm an open book. And I'm straight, so you don't have worry about that," he chortled. He turned towards Riley when he spoke again. "So what's wrong with the end of the story?"

"She normally describes Felix – or Felicia, as she's known when she's in costume – in embarrassing detail. Let's just say my man had gaudy taste before I was on the scene." Riley shuddered at the image of the 6'8" Felicia in a wig that added three inches to her height, a dress with so much sparkle that it blinded and shoulder pads as big as those worn by football players, and heels made of Lucite.

Edward allowed Riley and Bella to control the conversation until Riley exited himself, leaving Bella and Edward to finish their consultation.

"Well, I'd like to hire you, Ms. Swan, if you think you'd be able to help me."

During their meeting, Bella had considered many women to introduce to Edward. Needless to say, she was sure that she could help Edward, but her curiosity meant he needed to honestly answer one question first.

After a few taps of her pen against her table, Bella responded. "Please call me Bella. I am fairly certain I can help you." Bella paused before narrowing her eyes just a hint and with a pointed tone, wondered, "But would you care to share how you can afford my services?"


	2. Chapter 2: Victoria

When Bella was young, she could enter a room and feel the invisible ties that bind couples. Sometimes, she observed loose ties; other times, they were tight; but Bella didn't realize this gift made her different from all her classmates. It wasn't until the prescient six-year-old met her momma's new teaching friend, Cynthia, that Bella began to grasp what she could do. Cynthia had russet-colored skin, eyes as black as a moonless and starless night, and thick, long hair that Bella itched to braid. And trailing behind her was an invisible, untied tie.

As soon as Bella spied that tie, Bella imagined attaching it to the tie of her dad's best friend, widower Billy Black. At first, the images confused and scared her. But once Bella informed her parents what she saw, everything changed in her world.

One day when her parents were alone, Renee wondered if there wasn't something to her daughter's vision; Charlie grumbled to his wife that it sounded like nothing more than an overactive imagination. Rather than accept the word of her husband, Renee introduced Cynthia and Billy.

When the two married less than two months later and blended their families, Charlie had to swallow his words. When more of Renee's friends married in the following months, Charlie began to accept what Bella could see. Eventually, the couple's arguments over the matter (Charlie felt Renee had gone behind his back with Billy) highlighted a bigger issue – Charlie and Renee were splitting up, and Bella watched it happen day by day as their ties loosened. Although her parents reunited (their binds never untied entirely), the impact of their separation was never forgotten.

Bella wasn't sure how her gift would work when she opened Love Match. Nothing about it was predictable, which was exceedingly obvious when it took her almost a year to pair up clients two, three, and four. In order for Bella to match people using her spidey sense, both people would have to cross her path, which was rather unrealistic considering the sheer size of the San Diego region.

Though she hated to do it, Bella created the lengthy client questionnaire in 2003. To her, a questionnaire made her no better than all of the dating sites popping up online. She felt like a failure.

"Why are you pouting?" Charlie Swan nudged his daughter's shoulder before he slid into the booth across from her. Ever since leaving for college, father and daughter made a point of meeting at a greasy spoon to dish on the latest happenings.

With her face still scrunched up into a pout, Bella told her father about the changes she was making at Love Match.

"And you think that makes you the same as those sites?" he challenged. "Are you planning on relying on it to match people?"

Bella blanched at his suggestion that the questionnaire would be central to her process – it was going to be a tool and nothing more. It was mandatory that all clients (and non-clients alike, if they had any chance of making it into Bella's little black book, which all single people wanted) complete all 250 questions on the questionnaire.

Generally, most of the questions concerned ethical dilemmas and required respondents to answer strongly agree, agree, neither agree nor disagree, disagree, or strongly disagree. Not only did it help her weed out men and women with questionable moral fiber, but also it assisted Bella when her spidey sense didn't kick in. If Bella uncovered the questionnaire of someone who sounded promising, she scheduled a meeting – anything to get that person's image in her mind. It was always only a person's image that her spidey sense required in order to make a match. Bella had even resorted to people watching, but she discontinued this practice when she came across one too many married couples who didn't belong together. She definitely didn't want to find herself in the middle of an acrimonious divorce. After all, she couldn't get malpractice insurance for matchmaking.

~oOo~

For the first time, Bella feared she'd have to rely on the questionnaire entirely. Edward Cullen confused and scared her; she couldn't see his tie, which made her wonder whether she'd lost her gift. But before Bella went that route with Edward, she was going to implement Plan B, which had worked from time-to-time when she failed to see in her mind two people come together.

To the outside observer, Plan B didn't seem like anything particularly special. Hell, those clients who had to endure Plan B often thought the same thing. Luckily, her clients were willing participants and acquiesced to the madness of Bella's method.

"Riley, I need you to get Mr. Cullen back in here. We're going to try Plan B," Bella ominously announced as she reviewed his questionnaire for the umpteenth time. To herself, she quietly added, "Edward, Edward, Edward. Why do you confound me so?"

~oOo~

A few days later, Riley led Edward into Bella's empty office, leaving the new client alone to his thoughts, which was never a good thing for the overly analytical mathematician. Bella was due back from lunch any minute, and Riley figured Bella would want to jump right in once she returned – he'd witnessed Bella's Plan B in action before. When she didn't return momentarily, Edward found himself pacing across her floor. Why am I nervous? She can't tell me anything I don't already know…

Bella rushed into the bungalow that housed her office, but stopped short in the reception area as she watched the slender, yet athletic-looking man march a path along her office's rug. She couldn't help but admire his broad shoulders and lightly muscled chest, arms, and back – his sinewy muscles evident as he pulled at the ends of his very messy hair. Lest she be caught observing him, Bella cleared her throat and hastily closed the door behind her before settling herself in her office chair.

"Thank you for coming—" Bella began as Edward blurted, "What's wrong?"

Again, they both spoke at the same time.

"Nothing's wr—" answered Bella as Edward added his own, "My pleasure."

Awkwardly, they immediately quieted and stared at the other.

"There has to be—" Edward worried while Bella resumed her earlier words, "Thank you for coming—"

Any tension in the room was immediately broken as the two found themselves chuckling.

Rather than wait one moment longer, Bella launched into the purpose for this meeting.

"This is rather awkward, but my spidey sense isn't doing its thing."

Listening to Bella's words, Edward's knee began to bob as he tapped his foot and his mind raced. I'm such a loser. Fuck, even a woman I pay to help me find a girlfriend can't help me. Now what?

In response to the grimace that appeared on Edward's mouth and the look of rejection in his eyes, Bella immediately performed damage control.

"Don't worry, I'm not giving up. Wow, that sounded shitty." Bella's eyes bulged at her word choice; the only thing she could think to do was to giggle nervously. She never had had such a challenging time breaking this kind of bad news to a client. Why now?

In an attempt to calm his matchmaker, Edward joked, "You think I've never heard worse?"

She took a deep, centering breath and began again. "You hired me to do a job, Edward. And it's a job that comes to me naturally. But sometimes, my process has to be tinkered with a little bit so that I can get everything just right. So with your permission, I'd like to try something that comes in handy – what I like to call Plan B."

Edward couldn't deny that he was intrigued; no one had ever expressed making a second-chance effort for him before. He quirked an eyebrow, "Go on."

The easy part – breaking the bad news about Plan B – was behind her. But Bella still hesitated momentarily. "I love meeting a single person and knowing instantly who he or she belongs with. Luckily, this does happen more often than not because I have a lengthy list of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes. But sometimes, that's not enough. I end up scouring Southern California for a match. If often takes awhile, but once I'm pretty sure I've found 'the one', I set them up. If things work out, fantastic. If not, we head back to the drawing board."

Purposely, Bella neglected to mention that when she sends someone on one of these meetings, she already knows things will work out – those ties have already united in her mind. As she spoke, though, the idea for Plan C was formulating in her head.

Plan C was going to differ from Plan B in that Bella planned to send Edward on however many dates until she could see his tie and sense his mate. Unfortunately, Bella had zero idea how many dates this was going to take because she was wading in unchartered waters.

"Do you think this'll work?" Edward, wondered.

She bit her lip before she responded. "Hello, 99.5% success rate over here. That's almost 200 matches. Put your trust in me, okay?"

"Bella, I'm going to trust you."

Bella beamed.

~oOo~

That Friday evening, Bella and Victoria, the first woman with whom Bella intended to fix up Edward, made small talk in Bella's office while they waited for Edward to arrive. A few minutes after six, Edward entered her office. Victoria, a statuesque redhead, surveyed him; her eyes devoured him. Victoria noticed the reddish tint to his hair, the bright green of his eyes – two things Bella had failed to notice before.

After the requisite awkward introductions, Edward and Victoria silently wound their way through the bungalow's property until they were back on the street and standing outside of Edward's Mercedes. More awkwardness ensued as Edward struggled to open up the passenger door for Victoria; he was always a gentleman, but something about Victoria unnerved him. Before he closed her door, she trailed one of her fire-engine red nails down his forearm, which caused Edward to uncomfortably shiver.

Edward joined Victoria in the car, and she waited about 0.5 seconds before her fingernail resumed its ministrations along his arm. Again, Edward wanted to shudder, but he clenched all of his muscles to stave off the unwelcome – and probably misinterpreted – shudder.

"This car is beautiful," Victoria purred while she ran the fingers of her non-stroking arm along the leather surfaces of his car. "How much did this cost you?"

Coughing, Edward replied, "Excuse me?" He couldn't believe the woman's audacity. Hadn't anyone informed her that certain topics were off limits on dates, especially when they're first dates?

But Victoria was undeterred. She stared at Edward expectantly, waiting for a response.

Edward was slightly astonished at her audacity, but (correctly) concluded that she'd harangue him if he remained silent. Finally, Edward sighed and told her what he figured would be enough of an answer to shut her up. "Too much."

Already, Victoria was alienating Edward, but she seemed not to notice – or she just didn't care. "Bella tells me you're a math instructor. Tell me about it."

She wants to hear about my teaching job? Edward wasn't sure what to tell her. "Well, I teach high school pre-calculus and calculus, and I'm the faculty advisor to the Sports Club. Um, I have about 150 students this year." What else do I talk about? How many kids I gave detention to today? How many kids have passing and failing grades?

Victoria wasn't really paying attention, but when he paused, she gave him an obligatory, "Oh." She didn't have any intention of listening to him talk about his boring job (in her mind, there was no way someone could enjoy teaching). Yet Victoria had some idea of how much it cost to hire the services of Love Match, so she tried another tactic to get him to talk about something that could explain where his money came from. Unsurprisingly, Victoria was searching for a sugar daddy. "Do you have a long commute to work? Where do you live?"

Edward internally chuckled because he was very much aware of the direction this conversation was heading. He figured she had dollar signs in her eyes, which she did. So he wasn't going to regale her with stories of his wealthy, childless aunt and uncle who had left their moderate wealth to Edward and his younger sister, Alice.

He settled for vague. "It's not too bad because my commute to Mission Bay High isn't too bad." Edward was keenly aware that he neglected to answer her most recent inquiries. Again, he made the (correct) assumption that if Victoria had specific information about him, the dollar signs in her eyes would expand exponentially.

After a grueling eighteen-minute car ride during which Victoria continued to pose queries that only someone who was literally brain dead would fail to recognize her gold-digging ways, they arrived at the restaurant.

For their meal, Edward had selected a new steakhouse with favorable buzz, Vamp. Valets opened their doors, and one offered Victoria his hand, which she took. She grinned up at the blonde man, a look that didn't go unnoticed by Edward. Of course, by this time, he didn't really care.

Once Victoria was able to steal herself away from the valet with whom she shamelessly flirted, she peered up at the blood-red awning. Once she realized they were at a steakhouse, she quietly screeched – a sound Edward didn't know existed. "What the fuck are we doing here?"

"Is there something wrong?" Edward genuinely wondered what was wrong. Until this moment, Victoria had used nothing but a sugary – albeit artificial – tone with him.

She could look past his profession, but this was too much. Victoria Michaels didn't do meat.

"We're leaving. Now," she seethed between gritted teeth.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Edward confusedly asked.

Just moments earlier, Victoria's actions spoke, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" But now? Steam practically blew from her ears, and she glared at Edward.

"I can't read minds, Victoria. Care to let me know what's wrong?"

"It's a fucking house of murder!"

Edward peered up the awning before returning his gaze to Victoria. The volume of her voice (not to mention her message) was causing a crowd to form.

Can this get any worse? Edward worried.

Apparently, it could.

A man who held himself with authority tapped Edward on the shoulder. "Sir, you're going to have to get her under control or leave."

Edward apologized. "Of course. I'm sorry about the scene…"

Edward was a patient man who could ignore a lot of questionable behavior. Heaven knows he encountered his fair share on a weekly basis. But being asked to leave the restaurant was too much. He reached his breaking point. Considering Victoria had made him uncomfortable on the ride over, Edward couldn't help but think that payback was a bitch. She was going to endure dinner at Vamp, regardless of her reasons for wanting to head elsewhere.

"C'mon. We're heading inside, and you're going to pipe down and enjoy your dinner," Edward declared in his "scary teacher voice" as he gripped Victoria's elbow and led her into the restaurant's entryway. If anything, Edward was forcing Victoria to complete this date because he figured he ought to get something out of it, even if it was just a story to share at cocktail parties.

"Care to share what your deal is?" Edward whispered as they were seated.

Victoria's eyes narrowed and appeared very catlike. "Don't you pretend you didn't know that I'm a vegan," she accused.

He'd honestly had no idea. Stifling a chuckle at the absurdity of her behavior in response to his restaurant choice, Edward informed her that he was sure they could find something on the menu for her.

Wrong comment…

He thought he was being helpful...

Victoria wasted no time blasting Edward. "Just because you have no regard for life, doesn't mean I do. There is no fucking way I am going to eat anything they prepare. Because even if I have boiled asparagus for my meal, it'll still be served on plates that have been poisoned by the blood and sweat of animals. How are you okay with being a murderer?"

This was most definitely not how Edward had expected this line of discussion to begin, let alone continue. But it did. Although he had to admire her conviction, Edward couldn't silence the laughter that fought to escape. Why would Bella have thought we'd be a match? Victoria's a whack job who belongs in the loony bin!

"Besides the fact that only plant-based matter is designed for humans' bodies, animals are not ours to use for food, clothing, entertainment, experimentation, or any other reason. In fact—"

Just then, their waiter appeared, interrupting Victoria's lecture. His arrival hadn't come too soon for Edward, who was attempting to communicate his appreciation to their server with his eyes.

"Welcome to Vamp. My name is Jeff, and I'll be your attendant this evening. Can I start you out with a cocktail? Maybe some wine instead? We have a lovely house Shiraz by the glass that I would recommend if you're planning on having our chef's cut of the filet mignon."

When Edward spoke the next words, Victoria's eyes widened so far that Edward wondered whether her head was seconds from exploding (or imploding – less messy that way). "Jeff, I'm going to have a glass of that Shiraz, and I'm ready to order. I'll have the filet, cooked rare."

Edward threw his manners and shyness out the window, so to speak. Not only had he ordered before his date, but also he intentionally baited her by ordering the one thing that would surely get a reaction. This is sort of fun…

"Your steak will have a cold, red bloody center and will be soft. An excellent choice, sir. Madam, can I interest you in some of the same?" (It wasn't lost on Edward that much about the evening could be described in part with the word "blood".)

With a sneer, Victoria stood and threw her napkin at Jeff before turning back to Edward. "You can enjoy your steak. Alone. I'm out of here because I can just tell you're one of those people that buys products tested on animals." And then she spat, "You make me sick."

And with a toss of her hair, Victoria stormed off, surely to find that valet who caught her eye.

Meanwhile, Edward and Jeff could only watch in stunned silence.

"Was it something I said?" Jeff joked – he'd heard about Victoria's scene in the parking lot.

Before Edward answered him, the two men listened to the escalating volume of Victoria's diatribe on what was sure to be the virtues of veganism. "Oh, man. This date was fucked from the moment is started! You just rescued me from a fate far worse than anything I can even imagine."

"I'm glad to be of service. But how in the hell is her voice getting louder as she gets farther away? That's pretty impressive!" They both laughed for a moment until Jeff caught his boss's signal to speed it up. "So did you want me to put this order in? I can have it wrapped up to go if you'd like?"

"I came here to eat some meat, and some meat I'm going to eat," Edward insisted.

As Jeff walked away, Edward pulled out his cell and wasted no time informing Bella that the date had been a complete bust.

"How can I express my apologies? I've never had such a disastrous result. Please don't tell me you're giving up." Bella hadn't expected to make a love match with the two, but she certainly didn't expect for the date to blow up like it had. Needless to say, she was slightly worried that Edward would fire her.

How could Edward fire her when he needed her? With Bella, Edward had a chance at his own happily ever after. Without her, Edward could only imagine a depressing life. (Yes, Edward Cullen was a pessimist.)

After Edward assured her that he couldn't bear to part with her services, which slightly reassured Bella, she called Victoria.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Victoria? You realize that that fucking stunt of yours with Edward has cost you any chance of ever getting a call from me again. You made me look bad, you little twat. I want nothing more than to repeatedly slam your face in cow shit. Goodbye!" Bella had never used that many profanities at one time before, but something about protecting Edward brought out the violent side in her.

Once she calmed a bit, Bella had to chuckle at her unintentional pun. "Cow shit! Ha! I'm sure she'd approve."

That night, Bella dreamt of a red-eyed, carnivorous Victoria who was stalking her prey – Edward.


	3. Chapter 3: Kate

On Monday morning, Edward groaned when his alarm went off at its customary 5:30. The previous night he had been plagued by dreams of a brunette who was always beyond his grasp when he tried to reach out to her. Each time his fingers just grazed the tips of her flowing, wavy hair, he awoke. Now as he stretched on his bed, memories of the dreams came flooding back, and he wondered who she was, and why he couldn't get his mind off of her.

In fact, those images cycled through his brain all morning, always lighting up in his mind (and his groin) when it seemed to be least convenient. When one of his more efficacious students asked him whether a function could have both a removable and non-removable discontinuity, Edward stared into space as an image of the unreachable woman floated through his mind. Only after the pupil called out to him a few times did Edward regain his focus and lose the little chubby.

He quickly thought of the non-sexiest thing possible, which at that moment turned out to be mental snapshots of the hair that grew out of the mole on his neighbor's chin. Although Mrs. McKenna was a sweet, old woman, Edward often wondered how the hairy troll had snagged herself a husband.

And just his luck – when he pulled into his driveway, Mrs. McKenna was outside watering her rose bushes. "Edward, Edward!" she called after him as he slipped out of his car. "Are you still single? My granddaughter just broke up with her boyfriend! I have a feeling you two would make a beautiful couple. And your kids… well, they would be gorgeous."

"Hi, Mrs. McKenna." Edward quietly groaned because he couldn't contemplate how anything descended from Mrs. McKenna could be one-half of anything beautiful. After he realized his thoughts weren't exactly complimentary, he blushed. Of course, Mrs. McKenna figured he was embarrassed. For Edward had just informed her that, although he appreciated her suggestion, he already had a matchmaker.

At the same time a few miles up the coast, Edward's matchmaker was meeting with Kate, a woman new to San Diego who submitted a questionnaire to Bella the previous week. As soon as Bella read Kate's responses, Bella considered setting up the woman with Edward. But because their schedules couldn't mesh immediately, Bella instead sent Edward out with Victoria, which had been one of the more disastrous dates in the history of dating.

Kate, a middle manager with a computer manufacturer, gave the impression that she was both smart and friendly – a combination Bella failed to come across often enough. And after her utter mistake the previous week, Bella insisted that she be able to describe each of Edward's future dates as nice at the very least.

Unfortunately, Bella still failed to see Edward's tie in her mind, although Kate's was very visible…

The moment Kate exited Bella's office bungalow, a giddy Bella sprinted out to Riley and instructed him to get Edward on the phone.

Her always perceptive assistant grinned when he saw her excitement. "What's gotten into you? Are you considering switching teams after meeting with that beauty?" Riley smirked for he knew the true cause of her enthusiasm, even if Bella didn't yet.

"Shut it, you. No, I have a feeling about that woman. She's fascinating, and I cannot wait to tell Edward about her," Bella gushed like a girl discussing her first crush.

"It's not like you to get this involved with a client's case," Riley observed. "You sure are putting in your homework."

Considering his words, Bella responded, "I suppose. But I have a sneaking suspicion he's going to be as hard to match as someone else I know." Her words were nothing more than a poorly veiled attempt at a playful jab.

"Hey now! Were it not for me, you wouldn't have the story that clinches the deal each time you have a consult."

"Whatever!" The two bickered like siblings a little longer until the wail of the office phone interrupted them.

As if he sensed the two had been discussing him, Edward had called Bella to figure out where she figured his matchmaking journey would take him.

"Are your ears burning or are you just psychic?"

Edward cleared his throat. "Excuse me?"

Giggling, Bella answered him. "Riley and I were just talking about you. Hence, 'Are your ears burning or are you just psychic?'" When she was met with Edward's deafening silence, Bella added, "I met with a lovely woman today. Her name is Kate, and if you're game, I'd like you to meet her. I understand if you're not exactly ready after Friday night, but my motto is that you have to just get back on the horse."

I bet you're hung like a horse! Bella breathed a sigh of relief that her errant thought was a thought and not a comment. Oh my god, how entirely unprofessional would that've been? Oh my god, how entirely unprofessional was the thought?

Bella's internal dialogue with herself was causing her to miss what Edward was saying.

"I'm sorry? Riley was speaking to me, and I didn't catch that." Now I'm lying to him to cover up for my brain's naughty thoughts?

"I was explaining that I'm more than willing for another date, especially when it gives me an excuse to avoid my neighbor's efforts to marry me off to her granddaughter. I adore Mrs. McKenna and appreciate all she's done for me since I moved into my house a few years ago, but the woman is a meddling, hairy ogre." Bella guffawed at his words and his very audible shiver. "I'd rather date my sister than anyone who could look like that.

"You must think I'm the most conceited guy. Like I'm so great. But really, she's, um—" Edward could only think to continue babbling, until Bella interrupted him at the same time his brain yelled, Shut up, Edward! at him.

Bella laughed. "Edward, just be here at 6:30 on Thursday evening, okay?"

~oOo~

Nerves vexed Edward the remainder of the week, not because he was meeting a new woman, but because he was worried that the date could turn into a train wreck like the previous week's.

And so Thursday evening, Edward left the comfort of his house on the south side of Mt. Soledad to meet Kate, Bella's latest pick for Edward.

Kate, like Victoria, could be described as statuesque. Her legs stretched on for days, her curves were perfectly proportional to the rest of her body (and her boobs were most definitely natural), she had a blunt, chestnut bob, and pale green eyes. Edward found himself gaping at the beauty standing expectantly in front of him.

After a moment's distraction, Bella introduced them and shooed them out the door. While they left for their date, Bella found herself slouched over her office desk, worrying about her continued inability to see Edward's tie. Unease also affected Bella because she clearly watched Kate's tie attach to that of a man with whom Bella randomly crossed paths earlier in the day. If Kate had hired her or if she wasn't making matches for a living, Bella would've been more proactive about the man eating at her favorite sandwich shop. Instead, she slipped him her business card when she left with her order.

"Oh, well," Bella sighed to the empty room. "At least Kate is normal, unlike Vic, so this date should at least be enjoyable for Edward. After all, who doesn't love karaoke?"

~oOo~

The requisite awkwardness of a blind date plagued the conversation during their ride over to Total Eclipse of the Heart. That is, until Kate asked Edward about his love of sports.

Kate tentatively asked, "Bella tells me you're one of those crazy people that paints his chest at football games?"

Grinning gigantically, Edward launched into discussing one of his favorite hobbies. "Oh, it's not just my chest. It's my face, too. My best friend and I go all out. I have season tickets to all home football and basketball games the San Diego State Aztecs play. I also have season tickets to the Chargers. There is nothing like putting on that red and black or blue and gold. Well, it's more of a yellow…"

Edward wistfully stared into space, bringing silence to the car, which Kate quickly sought to bring to an end.

"Whenever I see people in their paint and costumes, I'm always curious why someone decides to be that person. Especially when it's done in cold weather."

Edward chuckled. "I got my start painting my face and chest when I was in college at a Big Ten school…freezing weather for most of the season. You cannot believe how cold Iowa gets in the winter. Cedar Rapids, which is about 40 minutes away from UI, is called the City of Five Seasons. Know what the fifth season is? Thaw… But when you're out there in Kinnick's student section, you don't seem to notice the cold. The excitement takes over. Of course, Carver-Hawkeye Arena doesn't get cold."

Luckily for Kate, Edward's babbling was interrupted by their arrival at the popular karaoke bar.

When they entered, they were each given a sheet to write their song choices, which they could select from the song menus at their table. Both people fastidiously searched for songs to sing, each listing four they hoped would bring down the house, or at least would garner hoots and hollers from the growing crowd.

Minutes after they ordered food, Edward's name was called, and he mentally prepared himself to make a fool of himself. Truth be told, Edward was used to making a fool of himself in public, but usually he did so when paint covered his face, rendering him unrecognizable. This wasn't the first time Edward had sung karaoke; however, this was the first time he mounted the stage with nary a drop of alcohol in his system. His liquid courage hadn't been delivered yet.

Edward turned so that his back was to the crowd as the religious-sounding music played. When the first strums of the guitar blared through the facility's speakers, he rocked his hips in time; he spun on one foot and delivered the opening lyrics, sending the audience into a raucous fury.

Well, I guess it would be nice,

If I could touch your body,

I know not everybody

Has got a body like you…

By the time Edward neared the chorus, everyone was singing and clapping along, drowning out his voice.

'Cause I've gotta have faith

I gotta have faith

'Cause I've got to have faith-a-faith-a-faith

I've gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith…

Feeling comfortable in his own skin wasn't common for Edward. But as he finished delivering George Michael's lyrics and the crowd praised him, Edward most definitely felt comfortable in his skin. Edward slid into their booth to an exuberant Kate. "Wow, that was fucking awesome, Edward!" Kate gushed as she lightly placed her hand on Edward's forearm.

Up until this point in the date, Edward wasn't particularly excited by the prospect of a second date with Kate. She was pleasant enough, but she didn't seem as if she had listened to anything he'd really said. But as soon as she began flirting with him (even Edward wasn't that blind to her attentiveness), Edward began to reconsider his initial assessment. Maybe she was just nervous, which she doesn't seem anymore. Edward wasn't aware that while he was performing Faith, Kate downed two shots of whiskey.

Before Edward could respond to Kate's praise, the DJ announced that Kate was next.

The opening chords were slow and revealed a '70s vibe; Edward, a classic rock fan, immediately recognized the song as Player's Baby Come Back.

For what seemed like an eternity (but was only 35 seconds), Kate swayed. Finally, she started singing the opening lyrics.

Spending all my nights,

All my money going out on the town

Doing anything just to get you off of my mind

But when the morning comes,

I'm right back where I started again

Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see

There was something in everything about you

Baby come back, you can blame it all on me

I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

Edward sat in their booth, mouth slightly agape as he listened. Hrmm, odd choice for karaoke. Of course, it was a number-one song back in the day, and it's been used in a national TV ad. Well, maybe it's not so odd…

A polite audience clapped for Kate, who closed the song with a slight frown and heavy sigh.

She bounded back towards Edward, announcing, "That was fun." With a grin, she added, "I cannot believe how nervous I was."

"Yeah, it's really nerve-wracking to get in front of a bunch of strangers," Edward responded with an awkward smile.

Because Kate acted as if Baby Come Back was just a song to sing and nothing more, Edward decided to ignore the nagging concerns that he should try to hurry along the date. The two fell into comfortable conversation, discussing Kate's job managing more than 200 people, most of which were men.

"Well, I just moved here," Kate began. "So I can't say whether the men are okay with a female boss yet, but everyone has been so welcoming so far."

"Why did you move to San Diego?" Edward wondered.

"Oh, um, I just needed a change."

And just like earlier, the DJ summoned Edward, this time interrupting him before he had a chance to respond to her. He definitely wanted to hear more about her evasive answer.

"Let's put our hands together for Edward, who brought down the house with his fuckawesome rendition of Faith," the DJ announced.

Do-do-do, do-do-do-doo

Do-do-do, do-do-do-doo

Do-do-do, do-do-do-doo

Do-do-do

I'm packed, and I'm holding,

I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden, and

She lives for me, She says she lives for me,

Ovation, She's got her own motivation,

She comes round and she goes down on me…

Edward attempted to deliver the rapid-fire lyrics, but he missed a few words and laughed at himself. The humility Edward displayed onstage further endeared him to the crowd.

She said, I want something else,

To get me through this,

Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby

I want something else,

I'm not listening when you say, Good-bye…

Delivering the last word with the requisite loud falsetto of the original, Edward had the crowd cheering. The shy and reserved man was anything but on Total Eclipse's stage.

Like before, Kate was called forth after him. They high-fived as they passed one another.

The opening notes on Kate's selection played. Edward didn't have a clue what the song was, but he thought it sounded cheesy (and he expected Kate was going for camp).

I could hardly believe it

When I heard the news today,

I had to come and get it straight from you.

They said you were leavin'

Someone swept you heart away…

Kate belted out the words with every ounce of conviction in her body while the crowd collectively groaned. For his part, Edward wasn't sure how to react to her latest song choice. Surely, How Am I Supposed to Live Without You was just a song she liked to sing, right? Edward despised Michael Bolton, but he figured someone had to be a fan, so why not Kate?

As the closing notes quieted, Kate looked out to a silent audience who, like Edward, didn't know what to do. Some people figured that if they clapped politely, they'd only encourage her to take to the stage again. Most people felt similarly and refrained from providing her with any feedback, positive or otherwise.

By this point, Edward decided to get through the date – without a repeat performance – at all costs. Unbeknownst to him, Kate's remaining song choices were each progressively more depressing than the previous…

A smiling Kate, completely oblivious to the reaction to her song, returned to their booth.

Small talk, Edward. Small talk… Edward repeated the mantra in his head because small talk was the only way he was going to make it through the date. Only, Kate wasn't of the same mindset. She began to blather on and on about some guy who dumped her a few months earlier.

Aha! So that's why we're all suffering through these depressing ballads.

Total Eclipse's audience had thinned a bit during Kate's second song. Those who had been there for her first (and didn't care about their own song choices), promptly left when it became clear the direction the night was heading. The hasty retreat meant one thing – Kate's next choice would come sooner than anyone wanted.

Before the DJ could announce it was Kate's turn again, he ordered Edward up to the stage. Luckily, Edward was a pro at karaoke – like the few who had performed after Kate's most recent song – and he understood the importance of keeping the crowd's attention.

Step inside, walk this way,

You and me babe, hey, HEY!

Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on,

Livin' like a lover with a radar phone.

Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp,

Demolition woman, can I be your man (your man)?

The crowd sang along, and by the time Edward was at the chorus, he and the audience were performing a call and response, which continued throughout his delivery.

C'mon, take a bottle, shake it up,

Break the bubfble, break it up.

Pour some sugar on me

Ooh, in the name of love

Pour some sugar on me

C'mon fire me up

Pour your sugar on me

Oh, I can't get enough!

Edward was having fun, even if his date's song selections were a little bizarre.

At least he thought he was having fun. Edward sang a different tune once he recognized the opening notes of the next song.

With a somber expression, Kate hummed to the music before (poorly) attempting her best Toni Braxton.

Don't leave me in all this pain,

Don't leave me out in the rain.

Come back and bring back my smile,

Come and take these tears away.

I need your arms to hold me now,

The nights are so unkind,

Bring back those nights when I held you beside me.

Un-break my heart,

Say you'll love me again…

Edward banged his head against their booth's table a few times. This date has officially passed the point of no return. How can I get us out of here before she performs another slit-your-wrists-depressing song? When Edward looked up to where Kate swayed as she sang, he observed tears streaming down her face. Yeah, she's singing this one with a ton of conviction. Guess this Garrett guy fucked her over something good.

Unfortunately, Edward started laughing, which others noticed, and they joined in. Once she announced, "I love you Garrett. Please un-break my heart…", Kate was entirely oblivious to the now-raucous laughter of the audience.

Surprisingly, the woman was entirely composed and grinning widely when she rejoined Edward. She must have multiple personalities because there is no way the woman sitting with me is the same who cried up there.

Stunned into silence, Edward looked at Kate questioningly. Of course, Edward's mind couldn't form any appropriate questions, so he decided to file them away until he and Bella could have a post mortem.

"I've got an early morning tomorrow, so I was thinking we might want to call this a night?" Edward asked. Although he was trying to end the date, what he said wasn't a lie – Mission Bay High School's first bell rang at 7:30 AM, and it was nearing 10 PM. Their date hadn't been short, either.

"Oh, I'm having so much fun," Kate whined. "One more song?"

Yeah, she's a fucking whack job if she's having "fun".

Edward contemplated her request, but decided he needed more information first. "What's your last song? Mine is No Doubt's Just a Girl. Sort of a remnant of college – first time I sang karaoke, Tragic Kingdom was popular. My friends convinced me to throw all inhibitions out the window and perform the song I was least likely to perform. So…"

"You have to do that one. That'll be funny and way better than my selection, which is Against All Odds by Phil Collins."

A reluctant Edward agreed to one more song – his song. (If she had pushed for Phil Collins instead, Edward would have to slit his own wrists to take away the utter pain of this date.)

Because of the heavily thinned crowd, Edward was up again rather soon. Already a (karaoke) fan favorite, Edward bounced around, crooning Just a Girl in his best Gwen Stefani impression.

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes,

I'm exposed, and it's no big surprise.

Don't you think I know

Exactly where I stand?

This world is forcing me

To hold your hand.

'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ole me,

Don't let me out of your sight.

I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite,

So don't let me have any rights…

When he spoke the "here" at the end of the song, the remaining audience members to give him a standing ovation. Seems everyone had had it up to here with Kate, and they all (correctly) surmised he wasn't the focus of her breakup songs.

"That was so much fun," Kate squealed once they were in the small, enclosed space of Edward's car. "We'll have to do it again!"

Edward noticed that Kate's singular description for everything was "fun". This date was anything but fun.

He didn't want to hurt her feelings, so he answered her in the affirmative with a quick "sure". Lest he agree to do anything specific with Kate or give her the wrong impression, Edward kept the remaining conversation light and breezy. The moment Edward dropped Kate at her car, he gave her a stiff hug and waited until she was in her car before returning to his own.

Kate rolled down her window before he was able to escape entirely. "What're you doing Saturday night? Want to go out again?"

No, Edward did not want to go out again. By all appearances, Edward had enjoyed his time with Kate; however, his mind was racing as he tried to come up with some excuse to get out of any further contact with her. Like the majority of nights, Edward didn't have Saturday plans, but he had to come up with something…anything. Dinner with mom and dad? No, she'll think it's an invitation, want to come, and then decide we're serious. Hrmm… Chaperone for a dance? No, she'll want to be my date. Fuck! Dating is hard when you don't like the person and it's not mutual. I've got it!

"I've got an Aztecs game that night, and we only have the two tickets…" Let's hope she isn't smart enough to check to see where they're playing. You couldn't pay me to go to Provo.

Although Kate was a tall woman, Edward's words made her seem small as she crouched in her front seat. "Oh. Well, um. Thank you for a good time. Call me sometime?"

"Will do," Edward declared unconvincingly before escaping into the confines of his car.

The second he started the car, he dialed Bella's number. Before she could greet him, Edward launched into his interrogation of his matchmaker.

"What in the hell possessed you to set me up with that hot mess?"

Without a clue as to what he was referring, Bella asked, "What do you mean? Kate's awesome."

"If by awesome you mean chick-with-multiple-personalities-and-is-still-stuck-on-her-ex-who-dumped-her, then yeah! She's fantastic. But, dude, the woman sang three—not one or two, but three…three!—breakup songs. During the last, she cried. By the time she made it back to our booth, which wasn't that far from the stage, she acted as if nothing had happened. Oh yeah, and she talked about the douche repeatedly. Garrett, the ex, sounds like a total tool."

"So you want me to set up another date with Kate?" Bella giggled. She didn't have many friends, but she could tell that, based on their easy rapport, Edward was quickly becoming one.

The responding groan from Edward's end sent Bella into hysterics. They continued talking while Edward drove home; when he changed into pajamas and brushed his teeth, he placed her on speaker. Otherwise, each had their phones (or Bluetooth device – Edward always obeyed the laws of California) glued to their ears for the next few hours. They discussed everything from the meaning of life to how the makers of those jars with both peanut butter and jelly managed to keep each separate. Eventually, Edward fell asleep; Bella listened to his steady breathing before ending the call.

Looking over to her bedside clock, Bella realized it was too late to call Kate. "Tomorrow morning—ugh, later this morning, I'll have to give her a call." With a huff, Bella flipped onto her side, closed her eyes, and attempted to sleep. Snippets of her conversation with Edward swirled in her mind as slumber overtook her.

The songs:

Faith by George Michael (1987)

Baby Come Back by Player (1977)

Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind (1997)

How Am I Supposed to Live Without You by Michael Bolton (1989)

Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard (1987)

Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton (1996)

Just a Girl by No Doubt (1995)


	4. Chapter 4: Jane

Bella refrained from setting up Edward for the next month. She could tell he was rather battle weary following the two dates on which she sent him. So instead of having him spend time with strange women, he spent time with Bella.

It wasn't odd for Bella to befriend her clients. After all, she counted Riley and Felix among two of her closest friends. To outside observers, Bella's friendships may have constituted a conflict of interest (not that there were any such ethical standards within the nascent matchmaker community). But Bella didn't care. Her profession often brought her into contact with a diverse and fascinating bunch of people that she wanted to know.

Therefore, her growing fondness for Edward Cullen wasn't surprising to anyone familiar with her.

After the Kate debacle, Edward and Bella talked on the phone a few times a week and managed to meet for meals a few times, too.

On one such sunny Saturday afternoon, Edward waited for Bella on the patio of Parker's Parkside Café, which was within view of the historic carousel in Balboa Park. He'd taken it upon himself to order drinks for them both, having observed that Bella didn't consume any meal without a coke.

Bella was running late and shot him a text to let him know as much.

Upon arrival, an already late Bella hid herself from view, providing her the opportunity to really observe Edward for the first time. San Diego's weather was warming as winter bloomed into spring, and Edward had selected an uncovered table. The first thing Bella noticed was that Edward's hair wasn't brown, as it appeared under the fluorescent lights of her office. Bella found it curious that the wall of windows in her office didn't tip her off to his color before, color that could only be described as dark red.

Hrmm, wonder if the drapes match the carpet? Bella snickered at the errant thought before mentally slapping herself for thinking of a client in such a way. But similar thoughts popped into Bella's head whenever they spoke.

Composing herself, Bella joined Edward on the patio. He rose as she walked out and considered leaning in for a friendly hug, but changed his mind at the last moment, which resulted in him flailing his torso.

Wow, I'm such a tool. Bella must think I'm possessed by some poltergeist.

The idea that a poltergeist could possess Edward's body was probably the last thing Bella would think upon viewing his body's movement. "You okay there, Edward?"

Tugging on his hair briefly, a motion Bella immediately recognized as an indication of Edward's nervousness, he responded, "I'm just a spaz at times. Don't worry about me."

Bella enjoyed these little moments because they told her more about her client than any conversation could.

"How was your week? Anything exciting happen in the halls of Mission Bay High?"

They always began their conversations rehashing their respective lives since they last spoke. If they were keeping score as to whom had the better anecdotes, Edward would win every day and twice on Sunday. High school was just that great.

Edward's groan signaled to Bella that he must have a doozy to share.

"I often wonder why I teach in such a perfect climate," Edward began.

Bella quirked an eyebrow, as if to ask, "Care to explain that cryptic statement?"

"This warm weather means the girls break out their short skirts and even shorter tops. It probably wouldn't be a big deal – I mean, they dressed like this when I was in high school. But the girls now are so sexual." Edward shook his head and glared at Bella when she giggled.

"Oh, they were just as sexual then. You probably had your head in your science or math textbooks, so you didn't notice," Bella teased. Such ribbing would've been unwelcome a few weeks earlier, but Bella's jokes were based on comments Edward previously made. That fact wasn't lost on Edward, who smiled internally (he wasn't going to give her the pleasure of seeing the smile on his face).

"Junior noticed enough back then that the muscles of my left arm developed faster than those of my right."

"Junior?" Bella sniggered. (She may have asked who "Junior" was, but Bella understood he was a what as soon as she heard muscles, arm, and developed.)

Edward blushed furiously. He couldn't believe what he'd just let slip. "My ppp-penis… Let's just say I masturbated a lot in high school." What am I saying, and why am I still talking? "Now enough about my busy sex life. This isn't about me," Edward huffed.

"Where was I? Oh yeah, so I'm walking across campus after my morning calculus class, and I got, maybe, five feet from my classroom's door when I start hearing something. I followed the sound and soon realized a couple of kids were having sex against the trunk of a weeping willow.

"The guy's jeans and boxers were bunched around his ankles, and the girl's sorry excuse for a skirt was pushed up to her waist. I bellowed at them to make themselves decent in ten seconds because 'we have a date with the principal.' I bellowed. Neither looked contrite about what they'd done, but they sure seemed sorry to be discovered. What the fuck, Bella? Am I crazy to think this behavior is wrong?"

"Two kids were having sex in the wide open?" Bella asked incredulously.

"Yes! Can you believe it?"

"Damn. I thought kids doing drugs on school grounds when I was a kid was bad. So what happened to them?"

"Suspended for a week, but word spread across campus pretty fast, and they're being hailed as heroes."

Bella snorted. "Don't forget – my dad's a cop. I can sic him on them?" She couldn't stifle her guffaws any longer. "Well, your story totally tops my excitement – Riley bought us a couple of lottery scratchers, and I won a free ticket. And that free ticket? I won 5 bucks! Woo-hoo!"

Edward threw his head back and heartily laughed. (While chuckling, Edward thought about how carefree and comfortable he felt around Bella; he wished his dates felt this natural.)

Fuck, he's hot when he's so carefree. Thoughts of undressing Edward plagued Bella's mind for the remainder of their lunch. If only I hadn't thought about drapes and carpet. Shit…

Towards the end of their meal, Edward agreed to another date with another woman, which Bella subsequently arranged for the following Friday night.

(Edward forbade Bella from setting any future dates for a school night because of how late into the evening they spoke after he met Kate. The following morning, Edward had slept through his alarm and made it to his classroom with only minutes to spare before the first bell. Principal Cope had caught his late arrival, but she only pursed her lips and shook her head with disapproval.)

When they parted, Edward held his hand up for a high-five; Bella gladly obliged him. He often high-fived his companions, and Bella wasn't going to lie – she liked the camaraderie of it.

~oOo~

On his two previous dates, Edward arrived after the women. This time he was early, and it gave him the chance to pick Bella's brain about his date.

What he learned surprised him. While at USC, Jane was on the school's interscholastic gymnastics team. Bella chose Jane for this date because she and Edward shared a love for competitive sports. Bella hoped a spark would develop between the two because, like all other women she'd ever met, none were Edward's perfect match. Even if the two weren't a match made in heaven, Bella hoped they would, at the very least, enjoy themselves.

Jane was everything Victoria and Kate were not. Physically, she was their opposite – a petite thing with short, mousy brown hair and brown eyes. Bella also assured him that she was sprightly and hadn't been in a relationship for awhile.

~oOo~

After all of the introductory pleasantries, Edward and Jane left for Sherwood's Enchanted Forest, a miniature golf course that incorporated Camelot-themed traps and interactive holes.

"Do you mind if we eat first? I haven't had a hot dog in years, and I saw they sell them."

"Of course," Edward agreed.

Jane grinned widely and almost skipped to Sherwood's concession stand. They started to get to know each other and discovered that they'd both flown to Miami for the 2003 Orange Bowl.

"You're a graduate of Iowa? That game was fucking awesome. Carson Palmer obliterated the Hawkeye D…" Like a love-struck teenager, Jane blathered on about USC's 38-17 win over Iowa.

Edward wasn't fond of Iowa losses, so he changed the subject a bit, prompting her to discuss her other love. "How long have you been involved in gymnastics? Bella mentioned you have your own gymnastics academy?"

Jane's face lit up. While they finished their meals and walked to the course, Jane told Edward about juvenile gymnastics. "There aren't enough facilities in the US that help prepare our athletes for international competition. We coddle our kids. My academy focuses on instilling focus and drive early. If I had had an instructor like me, I would've been world class instead of just good enough for a PAC-10 championship on the uneven bars."

To Edward's ears, it sounded like Jane's academy was a remnant of the Soviet era. When she started talking about her pupils' schedules (and ages – she didn't accept applicants over six), Edward was sure Jane ran a program that would make any Soviet coach proud.

"Which course do you want to lose miserably on?" Jane asked when they neared the starting points for all three courses. They were labeled Fore Ye Babes, Fore Ye Knights, and Fore Ye Magicians.

Edward had played all of them before and didn't think one was particularly more difficult than the others, so he let Jane decide.

"We're doing the tough course. Oh, and, Mr. Cullen? You're going down!"

Intrigued by her competitive streak, Edward responded, "Keep dreaming, little girl."

"Who ya callin' 'little', huh?"

Their back and forth exchange remained amicably competitive.

The first hole was relatively simple – the par-3 hole was situated behind a large half-circle metal obstacle. Jane took her shot, which rolled up the slight incline and bounced against the green's back wall before coming to a stop just on the tee's side of the obstacle.

Edward teed up and was about to take his shot when Jane interrupted him. "Are you sure you don't want to bend your knees more?"

Figuring she was trying to psyche him out, Edward mumbled a "Mm-hmm" and lined up again.

"Edward, you need to bend your knees more. And turn the putter about five degrees away from you," Jane instructed him.

Edward always fancied himself a bit of a putt-putt pro – he always joked he'd earned a college miniature golf scholarship, so he didn't require her direction.

"That's okay, Jane. I've got this." His tone was friendly, but confident.

Any other person would've let it go. Jane wasn't any other person. She was a rather zealous coach, and she persisted.

Letting out an annoyed huff, Jane persevered. She wrenched the putter out of the hands of a very surprised Edward, whose eyes widened into saucers of white, green, and black.

"No." She sighed as if she spoke to an obstinate child rather than an adult. "Let me show you."

Jane lightly shoved Edward out of the way so that she could demonstrate. "See the angle of my legs? Your thighs should be parallel with the ground." Even the most novice miniature golfer could see that Jane was dead wrong.

Ever the gentleman, Edward bit his tongue, but decided to take his shots however he pleased.

"And look at the head of the putter. The face should be pointed towards the direction you want the ball to head." With a dismissive tone, Jane added, "Obviously, I'm going to have to show you. Watch." Just then, Jane took Edward's shot. "See? Any four-year-old can do this."

"That was my shot," Edward muttered.

To no one in particular, Jane declared, "I swear, if I had a dime for every time I had to correct someone's form, I'd be wealthy enough to retire comfortably."

This woman is a bit intense, Edward thought while Jane lined up her own shot. How many little girls are reduced to tears by her?

By the third hole, the contest was tense, and Jane's "coaching" became borderline belligerent. There was no question in Edward's mind – the Kremlin would've salivated over Jane's coaching and made her a national hero.

Both were on par, so their seven strokes failed to provide them any cushion for the challenging impediment ahead.

Jane watched the drawbridge rise and fall a few times before lining up her shot. If her ball sailed up the center of the green at just the right time, it would sink into a tunnel that would drop the ball just outside the hole before rolling into it; but if her shot was off by a little bit, it would either spin its way to her or drown in the moat the drawbridge covered. Jane moved her ball a few times and realigned herself before whacking the ball with a dull thud.

It wasn't timed right.

Jane shrieked, "Goddamn, motherfucking ball!"

Edward, who hadn't been paying close attention to the scene playing out in front of him, flinched and focused his attention back to Jane. Needless to say, she appeared rather pissed off. But Edward wasn't sure what to do, so he remained silent. After all, some people took miniature golf a little too seriously, but it didn't define who they were.

After purchasing another ball, Jane took another swing. And like the first, her ball bounced off the drawbridge. "What. The. Fuck." she growled.

Hoping to diffuse a potentially messy situation, Edward piped up. "If you want to take a two-stroke penalty, we can skip this one and proceed to the next."

Jane spun on her heels and glared at him. "What, so you can win? Au contraire, Mr. Cullen. You're not going to win that easily."

Edward laughed nervously and waited until Jane returned with her third ball. Repeatedly, Jane's ball would just miss the drawbridge, and she would huff and puff dramatically.

Six balls lost on the par-two hole was too much for Edward. He sneaked his blackberry out of his pocket and started checking the latest news and the night's scores. He wasn't bored. Far from it, in fact. But if Bella asked him, Edward would have to admit that he was starting to enjoy these car-wrecks of a date.

Her repeated misses resulted in a traffic jam – three groups were waiting for their whacks at the drawbridge. Edward discreetly instructed them to skip the hole or return once he and Jane had moved along.

Finally on her tenth attempt, the ball rolled up the center of the drawbridge and into the hole. While she retrieved her ball and moved to the next hole, Edward putted away. His first shot passed over the drawbridge and into the tunnel; he couldn't hide his triumphant smile, but he wiped it from his mouth before Jane could spy it.

Jane whined, "Can we start the 'Knights' course? What's the point of staying on this one when I have no chance of winning now?"

Edward considered her request. If they moved to another (i.e. easier) course and scores were zeroed out, maybe there was a chance that Jane would refrain from pushy coaching or outbursts that were starting to earn stares from other putt-putt patrons. But Edward wasn't sure that he would be able to endure an even longer date with the "Commie" (which was the name he considered calling her). Well, if the rest of the holes are this challenging for her, then it could go on even longer... Shit, it's like "Sophie's Choice"!

Finally, Edward acquiesced, which calmed Jane for about ten minutes. This time, though, he shot first.

Jane began to taunt him. "Don't miss that shot. I would hate for that dragon to sweep down and steal your ball…" Then Jane chanted repeatedly, "Don't miss it! Don't miss!"

What the hell? Edward couldn't believe how antagonistic Jane seemed to be now that they were on an easier course.

The current green had a slight incline with a medieval castle and dragon perched at the top. Every few minutes, the dragon's tail swept across the green and knocked away anything in its place.

Edward ignored Jane and took his shot before finishing the hole with a birdie, which Jane matched.

"Good shot, Jane."

"Thanks, but I was positive I wouldn't miss," Jane responded.

Modest much? Edward chuckled to himself and waited for the moment Jane erupted again. Once he learned more about her, he figured she was a loose cannon.

Edward didn't have to wait long. At least they made it to unlucky hole number 13 before steam started spewing from her ears.

Hole 13 didn't appear challenging. And for Edward, it wasn't. But for the über-intense Jane? No such luck.

A long, rickety rope bridge, which swayed to and fro when enough wind flew through, stretched about fifteen feet above a meadow peppered with miniature lakes, trees, and boulders. The slats in the bridge were uneven and required the putter to use a deft touch or risk sending a ball to its untimely death.

When Jane's ball drifted to the right and dropped to one of the lakes below, Jane bellowed, "This is so fucked up!"

Edward overheard a couple of parents arguing over whether they should report her outbursts to management. I'm going to get kicked out. Thisis so fucked up.

And then to punctuate her frustration, Jane stomped down the hill to where her ball resided. She grabbed it and proceeded to throw it as far as her little body could. Unfortunately, Jane's temper tantrum was soon met with the sound of shattered glass, followed by the wail of a car alarm.

"Shit! We've gotta get out of here," Jane hissed to a very dumbfounded Edward.

"Uh…" he muttered.

"Now, Edward," Jane commanded.

"We can't leave. You broke someone's windshield or window."

"So?"

Apparently, Jane wasn't as ethical as her answers on Love Match's questionnaire would imply. Had Bella known Jane was the type of woman to damage someone's property without taking responsibility, there was no way she would've ever set up Jane with one of her clients.

"Just, um," Edward stammered. "Leave your phone number."

"Why? There's a posted warning about stray golf balls…"

Stray balls? What was stray about her throwing the ball? Edward couldn't believe what he was hearing. He decided that Jane lacked a conscience entirely; he wasn't wrong.

Like before, Edward couldn't wait to end this date. Following Jane into the parking lot, his eyes scanned for the car with the smashed glass. He didn't have to look far because they walked right past it. Edward pulled a business card from his wallet, a pen from his shirt pocket (he may have ditched the short sleeves and pocket protectors, but he insisted on always carrying around a pen), and wrote down a quick apology and his cell number. If Jane wasn't going to make this right, he would.

~oOo~

Bella anxiously awaited Edward's call. When it didn't come early in the evening, Bella breathed a sigh of relief. "This is good. I don't particularly like or trust Jane, but maybe she'll bring Edward some happiness." Before she had a chance to convince herself further, Edward called to report on what happened.

Edward thought about his words before speaking. "Jane was…very passionate."

Hearing Edward describe her as such sent a pang through Bella's heart, which she most definitely noticed. What the hell?

As Bella internally questioned her reaction to his words, Edward continued talking. "—and then she threw the ball into the parking lot. She was pissed. It was actually a little freaky – her eyes were full of anger, but she was smiling. Oh, and how much do you know about her gymnastics studio? She's trying to turn those little girls into automatons…"

Bella couldn't get a word in edgewise while Edward spilled the details of his date. She was mortified when she realized Jane was probably a sadist and most definitely not someone who could express empathy.

But Edward was a good sport and laughed off this most recent setback in his quest to find "the one".

"I look at it this way – I'm getting practice dating so that when you deliver 'the one' to me, I won't totally fuck it up."

Bella groaned. "But you're suffering." In Bella's mind, Edward was suffering. But Edward's words were genuine, and he couldn't deny that he looked forward to his talks with Bella, which happened more often when he was dating her matches.

Once Edward convinced Bella that she needn't feel guilty about anything (though she still did), they promised to have brunch on Sunday.

Needless to say, Bella was in a pleasant mood when they ended their call and she sought out Jane.

"Hey Bella!" Jane's insincere saccharine voice made Bella cringe.

"So I heard a little story tonight about a crazy woman prone to outbursts…"

"Oh, really?"

Based on the tone of her voice, Bella sensed Jane was too obtuse to realize she was the subject of the story. All Bella could do was shake her head and promise herself to shred Jane's information.

~oOo~

Before leaving for work the next morning, Bella practically wore down the carpet as she paced around her bedroom. She was puzzled by the "blindness" she experienced with Edward. How many more mismatches will Edward have to meet before he finds his mate?

She shook her head. "I'm a fraud, that's it. I'm nothing more than a fraud!" Bella tilted her head skyward, threw her hands in the air, and roared at the top of her lungs. "Dammit, even if it fucking kills me, I'm going to find Edward's other half."

Apparently, Bella missed the life-lesson that patience is a virtue. Maybe Edward would teach it (and so much else) to her...


	5. Chapter 5: Rose & Alice

Bella was a high school freshman when she first laid eyes on Rose Hale. Across the quad, Bella watched the stunning senior straddling the lap of Royce King, who everyone knew was the star quarterback for the Foothillers. In Bella's head, though, Rose wasn't tied to Royce; instead, Rose's invisible tie was leading her to Bella's brother, Emmett McCarty.

(Renee divorced Emmett's father when he was a baby, and although Charlie had wanted to adopt him, Renee's ex-husband was a decent man and father. Therefore, it was important to Renee that Emmett keep his father's name after she had resumed her maiden name, Higginbotham. Before marrying Charlie, Renee kept it so Emmett wouldn't feel like an outsider surrounded by Swans.)

I have to talk to her, Bella thought to herself.

But Bella learned early on that walking up to a stranger with a message of, "I have this amazing ability to match two people just by being in their presence. And, well, I'm certain you belong with someone I know…" never went as she hoped. The first few times she confronted a stranger with the message, she was met with dismissive pats to her head. (Family and friends had already seen proof of Bella's magic and never doubted her words.)

Needless to say, the 15-year-old Bella discerned that Rose would have a similar reaction to those of the strangers from her adolescence. Bella needed an "in".

Then her "in" walked by in the form of Alec Rivers. Alec was the starting running back for the Foothillers, and when he was a freshman, Emmett had taken him under his wing and taught him all of his moves – jukes, spins, and hurdles. When Emmett graduated that spring, Alec was one of the few schoolmates from Grossmont High he invited to the family's graduation party. Emmett also made Alec promise to watch out for Bella, who was still in middle school, while Emmett was away for college.

"Hey, Baby Bell! How's your second month of high school treating you?"

Bella winced at Alec's greeting. "Baby Bell" was one of Emmett's many nicknames for his baby sister, and it was the one name others tended to call her. "You know how much I hate that name."

"Why do you think I use it?"

Thanks to the friendship Emmett maintained with him, Alec and Bella were like siblings, and Alec took every opportunity to bait her.

"Whatever. Anyway… To answer your question, things are good. My classes are pretty easy, and I love my precalculus class." Bella was a bit of a math whiz who had taken Algebra II as a an eighth grader and geometry the summer before ninth grade. Her precalc classmates were juniors and seniors who weren't sure what to make of the bright and bubbly frosh who was a DAR or a "damned average raiser".

Of course, no one would disparage McCarty's little sis'. Especially if they valued their lives.

"Yeah, I heard a few grumbles in the locker room. Keep showing up the guys on the team. They can channel their frustration onto the field. Helix looks pretty unstoppable this year, and our offensive line needs to protect King and give me holes to rush through."

Bella couldn't believe her luck – Alec brought up Royce King, who was just one degree away from Rose. "Speaking of your quarterback, can you introduce me to him and his girlfriend?"

"What're you up to?" A suspicious Alec inquired.

"Nothing."

Bella never made eye contact when she was fibbing, which Alec knew.

"Bullshit."

Alec stared down Bella until she cracked.

"I need to meet his girlfriend. She's Emmett's match," Bella confidently announced. Because he was like family, Alec was aware of Bella's gift, so he didn't question what she said. He did question her, though.

"Whoah, whoah, Belle of the Ball," Alec began. "That's Royce King's girlfriend. Do you not understand what kind of shitstorm you're going to start if you try to break them up? Emmett's like a brother who deserves happiness, but I don't trust Royce not to go after him if Emmett and Rose hook up. He's really sketchy, and I've heard he has thuggish friends. People don't mess with Royce's property. And Rose Hale is Royce's property."

Bella crossed her arms over her chest, tapped one of her feet on the ground, and glared at Alec. Whenever Bella was that determined, she wouldn't take "no" for an answer. This time was no exception.

Alec acquiesced and introduced her to the few of his teammates that circled Royce. Once Alec informed them that Emmett was Bella's brother, the guys welcomed her. (Royce surrounded himself with the team's meatheads – they were easier for the calculating Royce to manipulate – so they didn't know her from math class.)

Royce and Rose ignored Alec and Bella, which only served to galvanize Bella on her mission to get Rose and Emmett together.

Moving next to the couple engaged in some serious PDA, Bella shoved her hand towards them and announced her presence.

"Hey guys! It's good to meet you two. I'm Bella. You must be Royce and Rose."

The peeved pair turned to Bella as she continued. Her tactic was to kill them with kindness.

"Royce, I'm so glad you're a great quarterback. You're going to bring us another league championship! And Rose, wow. You're so beautiful. I love your hair. I wish mine looked like that. And your outfit – is that top from Banana Republic? I love it."

Most of Bella's spiel was said to the air around the couple because she was lying. Bella wasn't impressed with Royce (after every game, Charlie rehashed all of Royce's avoidable mistakes), and she loved her own hair, but she did like Rose's shirt.

As expected, Royce barely acknowledged her. Rose, on the other hand, beamed at Bella's compliments.

"Thank you," she responded genuinely. "It's actually Gap, but they're all the same company… Your brother is Emmett? He's a junior at Cal, isn't he?"

Rose had had a crush on Emmett when she was a freshman, so she already knew the answer to her own question, a question that both Bella and Royce caught.

Hrmm…she knows where Emmett going to school. Could this mean there's something there I can work with?

Bella wasn't given a chance to further speak with Rose because Royce put a swift end to their conversation. "Let's go, babe. I've got Government in a little."

"It was good meeting you, Bella. Take care," Rose stated before Royce grabbed her hand and led her away.

"You better be careful," Alec whispered to Bella before he walked off himself, leaving Bella with Royce's minions.

"Guys, I've got Spanish to get to. I'll be sure to root for you guys this weekend. Adios…"

~oOo~

After that initial meeting, whenever Bella spied Rose, she wasted no time greeting or complimenting her (or both). For all intents and purposes, Bella became Rose's stalker. Everywhere Rose went, there was Bella. Somehow, Bella even managed to show up at the mall whenever Rose was out with friends. (San Diego has a few large malls, so this was quite a feat.)

Finally, Rose decided to listen to whatever Bella was selling. She was selling her brother, so to speak.

Rose wanted no part of it; after all, she claimed to be very happy with Royce. But Rose couldn't deny that she was curious to see if Emmett's mere presence still sent her girly bits into titters.

Her curiosity was sated in late December when Emmett, home for his winter semester break, dropped off Bella for school one morning. The moment Rose caught sight of him, there was no denying – Royce was done for.

Later that morning, she broke up with Royce, who didn't take the news well. He erupted at the undeterred Rose, calling her a variety of uncomplimentary names and accusing her of a variety of indiscretions. The breakup was very public thanks to Royce's temper, but Rose didn't care. The peek into Royce's head confirmed Rose's nagging suspicion that he'd turn on her the second things didn't go his way.

That afternoon, Rose scoured the school for Bella, and once she found her, Rose insisted that Bella introduce her to Emmett.

Bella didn't often gloat, but she couldn't refrain this time. "I told you so," she smirked.

~oOo~

Like all of the couples Bella previously matched, Rose and Emmett spent every spare moment of Emmett's winter break together. Because Rose remained in San Diego for college, either she or Emmett trekked the 8-hour drive between UCB and UCSD almost every week. Often, they split the difference and met in Bakersfield. (Bakersfield wasn't known for its tourist attractions, but who were they kidding? Rose and Emmett needed nothing more than a bed with firm springs and somewhere to eat when they required replenishment.)

They were a curious pair; passion infused everything they did, including when they boisterously fought. Both were more stubborn than the offspring of two mules (that is if mules could reproduce). But it was evident to any observer that the two were madly in love, even if Rose was known to whack Emmett in the head when he made a ridiculous comment, which he often did.

~oOo~

Years later when Bella opened Love Match, Emmett and Rose came forward to ask if they could offer any support. As expected, Bella requested that they send all of their single friends her way (they did); but she also asked whether they would provide a testimonial or be willing to talk to potential clients. To Bella's unexpected delight, they became her biggest cheerleaders and were responsible for closing the deal many times. (Emmett once joked that they deserved a cut of Bella's profits, which earned him a deserved smack to the head from Rose.)

Bella hadn't needed his direct intervention for a few years (he still sent friends her way), so he was pleased to receive her call. "I hate to ask, Em, but can you have a bro-date with one of my clients?"

"What's going on, B?"

Emmett wasn't going to refuse her. Even though he and Rose had their own son, Emmett couldn't deny there was nothing like coming to his baby sister's aid.

Bella sighed. "I've got this client, and I don't know what to do. It's not the first time it's been hard to match someone, but this one is impossible."

Concerned, Emmett asked, "It's impossible to match him? Why, is his perfect mate dead or something?"

Bella hadn't considered that possibility. That could explain why his tie isn't visible to me… As soon as Bella wondered whether that was a possibility, she immediately dismissed it. I can still see Nana's tie, and it's attached to Grandpa Geoff's, and he died before I was born…

"I wish that was the problem. I can't see his tie, so I've fixed him up with three very different women, all of whom were most definitely not his match."

"Wait, you can't see his tie? Has that ever happened before?"

"No," Bella groaned.

"So what can I do?"

"Um, have a bro-date? And during that bro-date, can you sing my praises, talk about your love affair with Rose, stuff like that? I don't want him to lose faith in me finding him his other half. But can you also just be a friend to him. Edward's really special, and I get the feeling that he doesn't have enough true friends. I know something about that, after all."

Emmett, either reading between the lines or giving her a hard time, said, "Sounds like someone's got a crush!"

"Shut up, I do not." She may have denied it to her brother, but Bella was developing a bit of a crush for Edward.

~oOo~

The Sunday following her conversation with Emmett, Bella and Edward met for what was becoming their regular weekly lunch.

Apparently, the boys' date turned out successfully. Emmett and Edward had agreed to play a round of golf at Torrey Pines, and during the morning, they discovered they shared a passion for football. When Edward told Emmett about his penchant for covering his body in paint for each game, Emmett fell in love.

They'd decided that Emmett would join Edward and his friend for all Chargers games (and maybe a few Aztecs games, too) next season. It would be the first time one of their two extra seats went to a friend of Edward's – Seth, Edward's best friend, always supplied the two people to fill their four seats.

They'd also made a pact to keep their plan from Rose – there was no way she'd ever allow her husband to embarrass her in such a public manner. Emmett was prepared, though, for whenever Rose found out. (She always did.) He'd already prepped his argument, which would go something like, "But, babe, I'll be covered in paint. It's not like anyone will know it's me."

Edward's retelling of his bro-date (and burgeoning bromance) with Emmett warmed Bella's heart, and she couldn't hide her smile.

Edward admired the woman who sat across from him. Bella's a beautiful woman, but when she smiles, she's luminous. Shaking the thought from his head, Edward focused on the conversation and their weekly recaps.

"How was the bro-date?"

Blushing at Bella's reference to his outing as a "date", Edward responded, "Your brother is a pretty cool guy. I had a great time, even if he beat me by three strokes. Thanks for setting us up. Shit, listen to me. Even I can't avoid any inferences that we were on a date."

Bella snorted. "Em already informed me that you guys have a sordid bromance developing. He also told me it was five strokes. Guess I'll have to have a word with him," she smirked. "But I'm glad you had fun. I had a feeling you two would get along famously. And I understand you guys are plotting against Rose?"

Edward held up his hands as if surrendering. "We're not plotting. We're just, um—"

"I'm kidding. I know you're not 'plotting' against her. You're just keeping a secret from her. But, if you want to know the truth, Em can't keep a secret from Rose. I'm sure she'll lock him inside come football season." Bella laughed before continuing, "Or she'll hunt you down for corrupting her husband."

Bella enjoyed badgering Edward because his reactions always made her laugh. This instance was no exception. Although she reveled at the look of horror on Edward's face, Bella couldn't keep the truth from him for more than a few seconds.

"Again, I'm kidding! You make it too easy. You realize this, right? If anyone will face her wrath, it'll be Emmett. And she'd probably just use it as an excuse to fight so they can have make-up sex." Both Bella and Edward shuddered at the idea. "Why did I put that image in my mind? Ugh."

The two caught up, each sharing their most amusing story from the previous week. But before they could determine the week's story lottery winner, a squeal by the door interrupted their conversation. Yet this squeal did not belong to that of a woman who dropped a glass or saw a rat. No, it was a squeal Edward Cullen would recognize even if he happened to be deaf.

As he groaned, a dark-haired woman ran over to them. "Edward! What are you doing here? You don't live in Del Mar. Well, I'm grabbing some takeout for me and Jill. I'm meeting her in a few minutes at Dog Beach. We're taking Jake for a walk after we eat." The woman then noticed Edward's dining companion, who stared up at her with a curious look. "Oh, you're not alone. Excuse me. Where are my manners? Edward, scoot over. I'm Alice Cullen, Edward's gorgeous and brilliant little sister."

"And modest. Don't forget modest, Ally," Edward groaned. "Bella Swan, this is my sister, Alice Cullen."

"You're Bella? I've heard so much about you!" Without taking a pause, Alice yelled over to the pair's waiter, who had yet to take the orders of Edward and Bella. "I'm going to eat here. My order, part of it will still be to go. But the salad is for here. The rest, can you prepare in about twenty minutes. Okay? Now, kiddos. Where was I? Oh, I should probably call Jill to let her know I'll be late and only bringing her lunch."

Alice continued to blather on about anything and nothing. All the while, she sent a message via text to her friend, tweeted about her luck running into her brother, and rummaged around in her purse for who knows what. (She was searching for her chapstick, which she triumphantly held up during her continued monologue.)

When Alice took the briefest of pauses for a breath, Edward made introductions. While this exchange took place, Bella watched Alice's tie turn into a big, red bow with the tie of her newest client, Jasper Whitlock.

How fucked up is this? I can't see his tie, but I can see her tie and it belongs with my client? Fuckety, fuck, fuck. Will Edward be peeved when he finds out that I have a client who belongs with his sister? Will Alice even want to be matched up?

Needless to say, this realization troubled Bella, and she wasn't sure what to do.

More unchartered waters, Bella? Hold on tight because it's going to be a bumpy ride…

Bella wasn't paying attention to the siblings' conversation (which was more of Alice prattling on and on). Edward, who managed to get in a word every few sentences, noticed the perplexed expression on his friend's face.

"Bella? What's wrong? You're rather silent. I know this one tends to jabber uncontrollably, but if you elbow her just right, she shuts up." Edward smirked at Bella before he lightly elbowed his sister.

"That hurt!"

"I barely made contact, Alice! You're always such a crybaby." Just then, Edward realized Bella had remained silent through his ribbing of his sister. "Bella?"

Little did he know that Bella's brain was running a million miles a minute as she contemplated how she was going to match Alice with Jasper (if she wanted to be fixed up) while not alienating Edward. After all, Edward had become a good friend to whom she was determined to bring happiness.

"Oh, where did my mind take me?" Bella made it seem as if she'd been caught daydreaming, successfully covering up her "moment". She quickly decided that, for the remainder of the meal, she would have to treat the situation like a complex mathematical puzzle (or a "choose your own adventure").

"You know, Alice, if you want to get back at him, you could share some embarrassing childhood stories…"

The responding looks from the siblings were like their personalities – polar opposites. Alice grinned like the cat who caught the canary. And Edward? Bella couldn't decide whether his look yelled fear, anger, or both.

"Did Edward tell you he was a huge nerd? A loveable nerd, but a nerd nonetheless." Edward groaned as Alice continued. "Oh, you can't deny it, big brother. So when we were growing up, Edward was always the first one up in the morning because he couldn't wait to get to school. What kid wants to go to school?"

Bella giggled a bit and considered coming to his aid with her own stores of wanting to go to school, but Alice was on a roll.

"When he was nine or ten, he informed our dad that he wanted to help him with Sunday's New York Times crossword puzzle. By the time he was fifteen, he worked it only in pen." Alice then turned towards her brother. "Have you ever missed a Sunday?"

As expected, Alice didn't wait for his response because she already knew the answer. "And he always went to math camp. At least he's putting our parents' money to good use."

"Hey," Bella interrupted. "What's wrong with loving math?"

"Are you a math nerd, too?" With her question, Alice's eyes brightened.

"I'm a recovering math nerd. Eight years sober," Bella joked.

In all of their conversations, Bella never mentioned a love of math to Edward. His ears perked up, and he started to view Bella in a different light.

"So Bella, I hear you're single. Why is a matchmaker not snagging herself a few men along the way?" Alice smiled conspiratorially at Bella. "Or are you?"

The words coming out of Alice's mouth led Edward to glare at her as ire started to work its way through his veins. The feeling didn't go unnoticed by Edward, but he chalked it up to the worry that Alice's meddling would backfire on him. "Just let her be, Ally. Don't get nosy," he interjected through gritted teeth.

For her part, Bella decided that it was time to do her thing. "She's fine, Edward. But I'm not looking, Alice. Are you? I have a new client that is perfect for you. In fact, I'm fairly certain."

Conflicting emotions struck Edward – relief that Bella didn't want Alice's help and disappointment that Bella seemed sure that his sister was benefitting from Bella's services. Am I supposed to be happy? Encouraging? Fuck…Alice always ruins things.

Yep, they were both adults, but they still had some sibling rivalry issues.

She wasn't looking for a boyfriend – Jake, her corgi with the heart of a rottweiler, was the current love of Alice's life. But Alice wasn't a fool, and she never looked a gift horse in the mouth.

"Really?" Her piercing squeal returned. "Oh. My. God. Bella Swan wants to set me up? Yes, yes, yes!"

The two women, who were already becoming fast friends, giggled and chatted between bites of food. It appeared as if Alice had ruined this for Edward. However, Bella wouldn't allow that to happen.

"Edward, don't pout. We're not ignoring you or pushing you to the side, I promise," Bella assured Edward. "It's just us women tend to get a bit overexcited when it comes to the opposite sex. And think, once we have those two paired off, Alice will be his problem."

"Ha, ha," Edward deadpanned in response.

The focus of their conversation immediately shifted from gushing over Jasper back to childhood stories. Eventually, Alice excused herself because she was late for a date with Jake. Before leaving, Alice and Bella exchanged phone numbers, and Bella promised to call later in the day once she had a chance to speak with Jasper.

Bella turned to Edward. "Well, that was most certainly unexpected. I'm sorry about that. Our lunch wasn't really our lunch."

"I should apologize for being related to her," Edward chuckled. "We're only a year apart, but a millennium apart when it comes to pretty much everything else about us. Though, without Ally, life would be boring. That's for sure. So you're sure about her match?"

"Yeah, I had a feeling when she sat down, and after spending just a few minutes with her, I knew it. Now, let's focus on you again, Edward. Are you ready for another date? I would love to promise that it won't be a disaster, but we've learned that my promises mean shit." Bella snorted. "So whaddya say? Can I introduce you to another woman?"

Edward decided to fuck with Bella a little bit and made her wait before responding. Edward figured she deserved it after encouraging Alice to embarrass him to death.

"Edward?" Bella began to worry.

And as soon as Edward recognized the emotion, he put her out of her misery.

"Yes," Edward mock sigh-groaned. "Really. Find me my mate, even if it takes a million bad dates. I'm sure it'll all be worth it once I have a date with 'the one'."


	6. Chapter 6: Jessica

It was rare if Edward ever slept in on a weekday (frankly, it was rather inhuman of him to refrain from ever using his alarm clock's snooze bar). Even during the summer, he taught summer school so days like this particular Tuesday were seldom. But on this Tuesday, which followed a holiday weekend, students were given the day off, while teachers had an optional teacher workday. In California, "optional" meant unpaid – the state's budget difficulties were no secret (although, government officials liked to refer to these with something fancier sounding – "furlough" days). So Edward, who never required the extra time to prepare for his classes, decided he would enjoy the day instead.

Luckily for him, Tuesdays meant free admission to some of the museums at Balboa Park. He hadn't been able to enjoy a day perusing exhibits in years. (Edward wasn't a fan of crowds and avoided them at all costs, which meant he chose not to visit his favorite museums on weekends.)

When he had discovered that the Museum of Man and the San Diego Museum of Art were this week's free museums, Edward had made a call to Bella and had invited her to join him. Although Bella was flattered by the invite, she had scheduled meetings with clients through most of the day.

"Why don't you take this opportunity to meet another woman?" Bella suggested when they spoke the previous week.

Edward considered the plan in his mind. We can wander around and get to know each other. There will be less pressure…

"Okay, I can do that. Why don't you make it happen?"

Shortly after that phone call, Bella had contacted him with the details. Bella had a one-hour break around lunchtime during which she could facilitate the meeting.

That Tuesday, Edward and his date arrived at the same time as Bella. She had selected the El Cid statue in the center of Plaza de Panama because everyone knew it, and there was parking nearby (not that any of them were likely to find parking there).

Edward observed the petite stranger with the curly, dark hair standing amongst them. Her hips and bust were a little rounder than what most would consider proportional to her height, but Edward didn't find her overweight. The one word that sprang to mind was zaftig. As soon as Bella began introductions, another description came to Edward's mind – bouncy; Jessica's personality matched the bounce of her hair (it also matched the bounce of her breasts, but he hadn't concluded that yet). After the previous three dates, Edward was more than pleased by the presence of a bouncy woman.

She seems pleasant. Her smile is genuine, and she's bubbly. Not the woman I would probably date, but I'm going to trust Bella.

With Bella speeding back to work for a meeting with Jasper Whitlock, Jessica and Edward were left to themselves.

"So…" Edward mumbled. His shy, awkward self was rearing its ugly head.

Jessica had no such problem. "Where do you want to start?"

"Well, the Museum of Man and the art museum are free today, so I was thinking about visiting those. And there's the art museum." Edward pointed across the Plaza to the distinctive Spanish-style façade of the building constructed between the two world's fairs the city hosted. "Have you ever been?"

Jessica blushed. "I've actually never been there. And I don't know much about art."

"Well then, this should be quite a treat for you!" Excitement coursed through Edward that he could introduce one of his favorite places to a newbie.

As a child, his Aunt Lizzie often took the boy and his younger sister to see the sculptures and canvases the museum housed. Even following the deaths of his aunt and uncle, Edward and Alice still made a point of visiting the museum frequently. Unfortunately, his teaching schedule (and dislike of crowds) meant there were few opportunities for the siblings to visit as often.

"What do you do, Jessica?" Edward wasn't particularly well-versed in unique discussion topics. It really didn't matter, though. Jessica was one of those people who didn't need much prodding in order to talk.

"Oh, I'm the manager of a children's clothing store. It's called Glendaroo. Have you heard of it?" Jessica paused long enough to look towards Edward, who shook his head in the negative. "Well, we're a pretty big chain. My goal is to be a district manager by the time I'm thirty. I'm twenty-five right now, so I have five years to accomplish that goal. But I may have to revise those plans if I have kids before then. Do you want kids? I want kids. I think I want three or four. Oh, listen to me babbling."

The words flew out of Jessica's mouth at such a rapid pace that Edward didn't have a chance to digest most of what she said, which was probably a good thing because talk of children would've surely overwhelmed him. (Edward hadn't ever given much thought to whether he wanted children – or how many – because he never thought he would find a woman willing to have children with him.)

Even though Jessica had realized she was prattling on about nothing much of consequence, she continued. "Our store is really profitable. And year-to-date, I'm the top opener of new credit cards. We have our own private-label card. Like Macy's has. You know, the type you can only use at that store. But we offer a discount on all purchases and additional promotions through the year. So we're not quite like them."

Edward wasn't entirely put off by Jessica's constant talking because he figured it was borne of nerves. It wasn't.

After they made their way through the entrance, Jessica began chattering again. "Do you have a favorite area of the museum? Or a favorite painting? Do they have any paintings by that guy who cut off his ear and mailed it to his girlfriend? How gross is that? What was wrong with him? I mean, who does that? What was his name, anyway? Oh, it doesn't matter…"

Jessica was correct. It didn't matter because it was acutely obvious that, no matter how much Edward instructed her regarding the priceless pieces scattered throughout the building, she wasn't going to retain much. After all, who didn't know van Gogh?

Because Jessica had asked Edward about his favorite area of the museum, he led her there. They walked up the stairs at the back of the building to the second floor, which housed the museum's European art collections.

The first room held art with religious overtones characteristic of early Renaissance paintings. The somber tone of the room had successfully quieted the chatty girl; but as they moved into the second and third rooms, Jessica's closed mouth started to move again.

She's giggling? Edward wondered. Why is she giggling? What's so funny?

Edward didn't vocalize his thoughts, but continued leading Jessica through the rooms. She wasn't trying to hide her giggles, and she wasn't revealing what was causing them either.

"Is something funny?" Edward asked. He couldn't mask his slight annoyance. Jessica shook her head, but continued to snicker nonetheless.

Even if it felt a bit forced, Edward attempted to keep up conversation during Jessica's bizarre behavior. "How did you get into retail?" It wasn't lost on Edward that Jessica had yet to ask him a question about himself.

Giggle. "Well, I couldn't afford to go anywhere other than a community college after I graduated from high school, so I got a job." Giggle. "And I loved it because it's really easy." Giggle. "I've been living at home, so I've been able to save a lot of money." Giggle. "Not that I've used much of what I've earned." Giggle. "I mean, I only take a class a semester so I'm still a freshman." Giggle. "At the rate I'm going, I may graduate before the end of the century, right?" Giggle.

Edward was a pretty laid-back guy, but his date's lack of decorum was starting to unsettle him. How do I keep getting myself into these situations? Unsure of what to do, Edward decided to hurry them through the museum and move them along to the next, which tended to have a louder atmosphere.

At least if she continues to snicker, it won't be as obvious at the Museum of Man.

The couple quietly exited the building into the bright sunshine, which caused Jessica to squeal. (When they had arrived earlier, the morning marine layer hadn't burned off yet.)

"I love, love, love the sun. Let's ditch the museum and have a picnic!" Jessica exclaimed. "I'd spend every day at the beach if I could. Of course, the water's never warm, so what's the point? Do you know why the Pacific is so cold? You would think with San Diego being so warm that it would be warm, too."

Does she ever pause long enough so I can speak?

He didn't have to wait long for his answer because Jessica continued. "Of course, I live in La Mesa and work at Fashion Valley, so I don't make it out to the coast often. And I go to school out there, too."

When she took a quick breather, Edward jumped in with what appeared to be the only topic they had in common – their matchmaker. "Bella's dad is the Chief of Police in La Mesa, and I think she grew up there."

"Oh, I know. I didn't vote for Chief Swan, but I'm glad he's the Chief." (Edward didn't say anything, but even he was aware La Mesa didn't elect its chief.) "Actually, I met Bella when I was a little girl. She was my babysitter. She used to let me beat her when we played Memory and Chutes and Ladders. At the time, I thought I was winning her, but now I know better."

Edward internally cringed at Jessica's pronouncement that she would "win" Bella. So quietly that she wouldn't be able to hear, Edward voiced his correction, "You didn't win her, you won. Period."

(He also thought about how badly Bella would've had to play in order for her to lose to Jessica; Mensa wouldn't be inviting Jessica to join any time soon.)

He may have been a math teacher, but there could be no doubt about it – Edward was a teacher through and through. Although Edward could see past these types of mistakes (he thought), he wasn't sure he could see past Jessica's overly boisterous personality. But he soldiered on anyway.

As they meandered down El Prado to the California Building, which housed the Museum of Man, Edward asked, "Have you selected a major? I'm sure you don't have to select one until you plan to transfer, but I figure you should have some idea by now, right?" The question would probably be enough to launch Jessica into another monologue, but Edward assumed that her monologue would be enough to stifle her laughter, not that it had worked earlier.

Entering the building, Jessica resumed her babbling. "Well, I'm currently a political science major, but it's not my first major. I've had—" Jessica paused to count on her fingers. "—six others. I select a new one each semester, usually because then I take a class in the subject matter and find I'm not made for that subject. I like to read, and I'll read something in a magazine and decide that's what I want to do with my life."

"Oh yeah? What have the other majors been? And what do you like to read?" Edward could work with this. If Jessica was a reader, then they had something in common (other than Bella).

"These aren't in order: there was nursing, but then I found out I was squeamish around blood; nutrition, but it's really boring because it's not about what's good to eat – it's got tons of science…bor-ing! Hrmm, what else was there? Oh, the obvious – marketing, but it was full of math and statistics, and I hate math. Another one was criminal justice, but I wasn't learning about psychopaths, which is what I wanted. I then decided to be a psychologist, but that requires a ton of school. And the last one was culinary arts. Turns out I can't cook, so that one was out."

Not everyone was a fan of math. Edward understood this. But Jessica practically slapped him in the face when she said she hated math.

Rather than make a big deal of her comment, Edward returned to his previous question.

"And reading?" The expression on Jessica's face was vacant, so Edward expounded. "You said you like to read. What sort of things do you read?"

"Ohhhhh! That's what you meant? Well, y'know…Cosmo, Marie Claire, Glamour, National Enquirer, Star, Us Weekly, OK! – all the essentials."

She reads magazines? That's her liking to read?

Edward had no words. Well, he had words, as his thoughts revealed, but they weren't ones a gentleman would share.

And then the giggling resumed.

Edward had to know what was so funny. An exasperated Edward asked, "You keep laughing – why?"

"Why aren't you?"

Edward remained silent, waiting for an answer.

"There's so much…nakedness!"

Nakedness? What? Is she seriously laughing at nakedness? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? We're in a museum filled with replicas of scantily-clad ancient peoples. I expect this from my students, but from an adult?

~oOo~

Two hours later, after Edward was able to escape Jessica's company, Bella's name popped up on his caller-ID. With a relieved sigh that matched the relief he suddenly felt, he answered the phone. "You used to babysit her? Does she still require a sitter? Because that girl couldn't contain her snickers whenever she saw some uncovered breasts or penises. I wouldn't be surprised if Mike Judge modeled Beavis and Butt-head on her."

A very unlady-like snort escaped Bella's nose. This snort didn't sound anything like the endearing ones that usually flew out of her. "Well, considering you had such an odd date, you probably don't want to hear the news I have."

Bella was taunting Edward, and he was going to have to beg her to get her to spill.

"Oh, you can't do that. That isn't fair. C'mon…"

"Nope. I wouldn't want to give you any news that you may not like."

"Bellaaaaaa," Edward whined, which pushed Bella into a fit of giggles. But unlike Jessica's giggles, which were very nasally, Bella's were harmonious to Edward's ears. All he could do was smile. "Pleeeeeeeeeease?"

Just to fuck with Edward, Bella changed the subject entirely. (She'd discovered early on that Edward was easy to torture, and she would gleefully do it whenever the opportunity presented itself.) "So I'm assuming no second date with Jessica? Do you think you'll be ready to meet someone on Friday? Maybe dinner? I'll make sure she's not a vegan – or a psycho bitch."

"Bellaaaaaa." Edward's tone was intended to scare her, but Bella just chuckled and returned to the topic at hand.

"Friday?"

"If I agree, will you tell me this big news?"

"Maybe."

"Fine. Friday. You know, you'd make an expert interrogator. You just got me to agree to the last thing I want to do."

"Whatever. You adore me and my dates, even if they're complete failures – both me and the dates."

"You are correct. I do. So now that I've admitted that, will you put me out of my misery?"

With a dramatic sigh, Bella decided to reveal her secrets. "So guess who I tracked down?"

"Stop trying to buy time, Bella. Spill."

"I found Garrett."

"Is this name supposed to mean something to me?"

"I've got eight words for you." Just then, Bella began to sing off-key. Very off-key. "Un-break my heard. Say you'll love me again…"

"Shut up! How—no, why?"

"Truth be told, I didn't exactly find him. He contacted my office. We got to talking, and when he told me about the woman he followed down here, I had a feeling..." Bella left out the true nitty-gritty details of how the two came into contact with one another, but it didn't matter because Edward didn't give it a second thought. "One thing led to another, and they're back together and getting married next winter."

"What a small world…"

"The Chief always says there are only 200 people in the world."

"What does that even mean?"

Bella guffawed. "I have no idea, but he says it all the time. And once he became chief, he seemed to utter it more often. My dad's such an odd guy at times. Anyway, that isn't everything."

"What could top that news?"

"You remember lunch last week?"

"The one Ally crashed? Yeah." Edward wasn't sure where Bella was directing this conversation, but something told him he wasn't going to like what he heard.

"And you remember me telling her what a perfect match she would make for my new client, Jasper?"

Concern laced Edward's tone when he answered. "Yeah."

"I was supposed to meet with him today. But instead, he and Alice called a few minutes before your call to inform me that they were on their way to Vegas."

Edward was a protective older brother, but Alice running off to Vegas with her new boy toy wasn't terribly surprising. "If she wants to spend time with this Jasper, who you claim is an upstanding guy, and waste her inheritance gambling, that's her business. She's an adult."

"That's not all," Bella began. "They were calling to invite me to their wedding."

Edward roared, "She what?"


	7. Chapter 7: Vegas

As soon as she dropped the bombshell, Bella wrenched the phone from her ear. Edward was rather protective over his little sister – this was a fact of which Bella was acutely aware.

Even with the phone at arm's length, Bella could hear Edward's voice over the receiver. "She what?"

Bella wasn't sure how much time she would have before Edward ripped her a new one, so she spoke fast and didn't pause for breath.

Fuck my life! Here goes nothing…

"I know I've had horrible luck matching you…and the women, shit—" Bella muttered the last part, "—but Jasper's a great guy, and he treats Alice with such reverence and respect. And whenever she and I talk, she doesn't sound like a kid with a crush. She sounds genuine, mature, and aware that this isn't some sort of fairytale. They're so perfect and sweet together. They radiate happiness, and they communicate amazingly."

Edward couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You've gone out with them? Didn't they just meet? And you talk to my sister on the phone?"

Although Bella and Edward spoke every few days, she and Alice gabbed every day. (It would be more accurate to describe their phone interactions as Alice talked and Bella uttered a word here and there. But Bella adored her new friend, and she often marveled how she had managed to this point without the Cullens in her life.)

"Yes?"

"Yes to which question?" Edward fumed.

This was the first time Bella had gotten a hint of Edward's anger, and she had to admit it was kinda cute and reminded her of a ferocious kitten. Yep, a kitten. She could just imagine Edward pacing and pulling at the ends of his hair. (He was.) She also sensed that Edward was more worried than angry. (He was.)

"Yes, I've spent time with them together; yes, they just met; and yes, your sister and I chat – most nights, in fact. I can't help that we've become fast friends. She's really great."

Edward forgot about his "anger" for a moment and beamed with pride at Bella's description of his sister. For some reason still unknown to him, Edward was really relieved at how easily the two had taken to each other.

As Edward tried to rein in his conflicting emotions, Bella continued speaking. And she couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. "I'm heading to the wedding. Would you feel better if you came along, and we road-tripped to Vegas?"

"You're going to the wedding?" Edward couldn't comprehend what he was hearing. "When were you planning to tell me?"

Yep, he wasn't going to take that news well, either. "I just found out. Alice called me moments before this phone call. And before you ask why she didn't tell you, well, Alice didn't give me a chance. She told me that she and Jasper were eloping and that they wanted me as a witness. After I agreed by saying something like 'anything for you', Alice then announced she wanted you there, but she wanted me to break the news. She had the audacity to hang up before I could respond."

"I can't decide whether I want to go to Vegas to stop the wedding or wring her neck. Ally's a shrewd conniver, isn't she?" Edward growled. "I'll be at your office in 45 minutes. Be ready."

"Make it my place." Bella was sitting in her living room, which was a good twenty-minute drive from her office – hardly sufficient time to pack for a wedding, even if it was one in Vegas. She gave Edward instructions before running upstairs to her spacious walk-in.

Once they hung up, Edward put in a call to Mrs. Cope in which he complained of feeling incredibly ill. Edward Cullen never missed school, even when he was a student himself (who doesn't ever ditch or fake an illness?), so Mrs. Cope had no reason to question whether his excuse was legitimate.

The overprotective mama bear in Mrs. Cope spoke. "Drink lots of fluids and keep us updated, honey." (How cute was the grandmotherly Mrs. Cope – calling him "honey"?) If it wouldn't be considered entirely inappropriate, Mrs. Cope would probably make some homemade soup for her favorite teacher and bring it to him. But word of Mrs. Cope's favoritism would most definitely spread.

~oOo~

Looking for sign of Edward, Bella peeked out her guestroom window. On her fourth trip to the window, Bella caught sight of Edward's black Mercedes. She shuffled down her stairs, grabbed her bag, and met Edward at the curb.

"Hi!" She joyfully greeted Edward and allowed him to load her bag into the trunk. Bella remarked, "Is this the 2001 model? You take very good care of it."

Most people who noticed Edward's Mercedes commented on its cost. (Victoria surely had!) It shouldn't have surprised him that Bella wasn't most people, but it did.

"Very perceptive. It is the 2001. I bought it in 2004. I think the previous owners – an old couple – never drove it because it had only ten thousand miles. I'm never buying a new car again after the great deal I got. So how did you know the year?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out during our five-to-six hour drive," Bella mocked.

Five-to-six hours in the car with Bella? Edward couldn't figure out why, but he liked the sound of Bella's words.

Bella continued, "Have any favorite driving activities? The Alphabet Game, Twenty Questions?"

"Both work for me."

In less than an hour, the pair had managed to cycle through the alphabet and completed multiple rounds of Twenty Questions – even while they chatted. (What should've been some of the tougher letters of the alphabet – U, X, and Z – were quickly spotted by Bella, who Edward discovered was incredibly competitive. He claimed she was cheating, but instead she used the skills her policeman-father had taught her – scan your surroundings and observe everything.)

During a comfortable lull in conversation, Edward suddenly asked, "Have you ever broken any bones?"

Bella was jolted from mindlessly singing along with the song playing on Edward's iPod and clutched her chest. "What?"

"Sorry, random. I was just thinking we ought to rethink Twenty Questions. Instead of trying to figure out something within twenty questions, why don't we ask one another twenty questions."

Edward couldn't deny that he found Bella fascinating. (Actually, his fascination of her rivaled her fascination of him.) Being "stuck" in a car with one another for over five hours would give him the opportunity to discover more about her and what made her tick.

"Good idea – I'm sure another few more minutes of listening to my off-key voice might drive you to insanity," Bella giggled. "To answer your question, surprisingly no. Our parents basically force-fed us milk, so I've got some seriously strong bones. Bruises and cuts? Enough to make any doctor think I was the victim of abuse! You?"

"Will this count as one of your twenty?" When Bella glared at Edward, he chuckled and shared a bit about himself. "I fell out of a tree when I was seven and broke my arm."

"Any other broken bones?"

"Nope. Next question—" Bella's eyebrow raised in challenge, shutting up Edward.

"My turn to ask a question, mister. Hrmm… Emmett and I are six years apart because we have different fathers, so it makes sense. Why is Alice six years younger than you? Was she an 'oops'?"

Edward smiled. "Well, my parents would say she was 'an unexpected surprise', but she was totally a mistake." Bella shot Edward a questioning glance, forcing him to expound on his ambiguous statement. "Mom wanted two children really close in age. When she didn't get pregnant after a couple of years, she and dad gave up. She never went back on birth control, figuring it wasn't going to happen again. Before you know it, along came Alice."

Bella was curious how Edward had this much intel on his parents' sex life, but then she remembered she didn't like to think of her parents having sex (in her mind, it happened only once – when they conceived her), so she refrained from asking for that piece of information.

"Does Alice know?"

"Oh yeah. Being so much older has its perks, though." Edward deviously smirked at Bella. "I was able to convince a very gullible Ally that our parents never wanted her. I tortured her for years before she finally got up the courage and asked our parents for the truth."

"You're a total jerk," Bella, stifling a chuckle, announced while swatting him on the arm.

"Hey – don't hit the driver. You could cause a car accident."

"Ass."

Edward just grinned. "I may be an ass, but it's my turn to find out some deep, dark secret about you. Now, what do I want to find out?"

While Edward remained silent for an interminable length of time (at least, that's how long it seemed to Bella), he deliberated with himself over what the next question ought to be.

Nerves began to wrack Bella. She didn't like not being in control of a situation, and she was most definitely not in control of this version of Twenty Questions.

Bella had a reason for her anxiety. "Why are you single? Bella, you're smart, successful, and stunning. Surely the men have to be banging down your door to get to you."

He thinks I'm stunning? Bella's heart warmed at his words, but she wasn't the best to take a compliment.

"You're just flattering me. And that won't get you anywhere, Edward Cullen."

Edward was slightly wounded. "I'm not trying to flatter you. You are all that and more. You must not see yourself clearly." (Bella didn't.) "Now answer."

As she fidgeted in her seat, Edward became aware of Bella's uncovered legs for the first time. (Her shorts wouldn't be called "short shorts" by anyone, but they were short.) Edward's reaction was less than noble. His dick hardened a bit – he was a heterosexual man with a pulse and a set of eyes, after all – and he licked his lips. Where have those been hiding? And how do I get them wrapped around my neck while I fuck her senseless? His subconscious suddenly grew a conscience like a little emo girl and immediately chastised him. What am I thinking? She's Bella, my matchmaker, my friend. And she would never see me that way…

Too bad Edward couldn't read her mind. For if he could, he'd realized that Bella had had many similarly naughty thoughts about him, thoughts she, too, castigated herself for having.

Bella huffed. "If I lie, can we move on?"

"Now you've just told me you're going to lie. So I'm going to pester you until you tell me the truth."

"Fine. I just haven't met anyone I wanted to settled down with."

"That's not the full story, and you know it." Of course, Edward was correct – it wasn't the whole story. But how does one break the news about being able to see in her mind the ties that bind people?

Instead of huffing again, Bella whined like a dog in pain.

"And the puppy-dog eyes and whining won't work on me."

(If Edward looked at Bella's face while they drove – he tried to keep his eyes on the road and his mirrors at all times, which is why he failed to notice her gams earlier – he would've folded immediately. Bella had over thirty years' practice perfecting the puppy-dog eyes.)

"Ass." A belly-aching laugh burst out of Edward at Bella's new favorite name for him. She soon joined him and only began to consider answering him after they wiped residual tears from their eyes. "You've got to admit, it's hard going out with someone when you're certain the moment you meet him that things won't ever work out. So I gave up trying to meet someone years ago. If it ever happens, I'm sure I'll be the first to know."

Would she? She never saw a guy's tie leading to her, but would she know if she couldn't see the tie at all?

"Let me get this straight – because you can't find someone for yourself, you subject me to meeting someone perfectly wrong for me?"

Edward figured another whack from Bella's direction was moments away from making contact with his arm. When it didn't come, Edward glanced over to Bella, who stared out the window.

Bella couldn't see her own tie, so what were the odds she would find that match? She couldn't contemplate looking for a mate the old fashioned way and didn't understand why anyone would choose to date with that much uncertainty.

Bella thought it was probably better that she was blind. Too often, she worried that she'd finally see her tie in a bow with someone already married. Common sense told Bella she wouldn't break up two people married – happily or otherwise. But reality told Bella she would break up two married people.

In fact, Bella made that mistake during college. One of her friends had married just out of high school. When she met the friend's husband, she not only saw their ties weren't attached to the other, but also realized his tie was connected to a female Bella had seen on campus a few times before.

(The two hadn't ever crossed paths and may never have were it not for Bella's meddling.) Bella spoke to the friend's husband and the female about her suspicion they belonged together.

Sometimes her sight was more of a burden than a gift.

To get her attention, Edward lightly brushed his hand against Bella's thigh. They both felt the subtle warmth made by the small contact. As soon as Bella turned towards him, Edward explained he was joking and that he expected her to recognize his mocking tone.

Bella had, but she was instead thinking over what he said and her past. She swept the thoughts, with their unintentional message of guilt, to the back of her mind.

"What about you, mister? Why are you single?"

"Mister? What, are we in the middle of a 1930s farce?" Bella shrugged her shoulders in response. "I'm single because I'm a nerd."

"There's someone for everyone, Edward. And you're not a nerd."

"Maybe I'm being too picky, then. Or maybe, I'm waiting for you to find the right woman for me. Better hurry up and find her fast because I'm getting older every single day. Don't want my biological clock to stop ticking now, do we?"

The both chuckled at the idea of Edward's "biological clock" ticking away.

"Whatever. Enough seriousness for a little. So let's say you enter a clean and empty bathroom – and no one will enter it while you're in there – with three stalls. Which stall do you choose? And before you give me any pushback, you must use a stall. No urinals. Select one – stall closest to the exit, middle stall, or the one furthest from the door?"

Edward was a guy, and guys tended to have issues with public restrooms, which Bella discovered after years of trying this question on unsuspecting men over the years. So she included the more popular excuses men would have for not using her mythical bathroom when she posed the question to Edward.

"What kind of question is that?"

"You started this game, buddy. Man up and answer the question, Edward."

Edward guffawed. "The far one. But what does this tell you about me?"

"That you're an introvert."

"You can tell that just by how I answered that?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I already knew you were an introvert, but my scenario confirms it. Basically, if you choose the closest stall, you're an extrovert; selecting the middle stall makes you someone who straddles introversion and extroversion."

"This helps you tell that much about a person? It works?"

"Hasn't failed so far. And if you're curious, I would pick the middle toilet."

"Bella, has anyone informed you that you're weird?"

The two broke down into a fit of giggles. When Bella told him what she planned for her next question – Black or Brown and Why – he amended his description of her to "creepy".

That earned him the whack across his arm that never came earlier.

"What's your favorite movie? Please let it disprove my theory that you're creepy."

"Want me to hit you again? I pack quite a punch because I had to figure out something to keep Emmett at bay when he tickled me."

"You're ticklish?"

Edward began imagining running his hands over her body while he searched for her hidden and most ticklish spots. The image wasn't doing anything to help his growing problem, which was rearing its ugly head again (no pun intended).

"One question – and one turn – at a time, Cullen!"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Favorite movie, Swan?"

"We're now using last names only? Well, Cullen, my favorite movie is The French Connection. My dad and Em forced me to watch that film a million times when I was too young to appreciate it. Now, I love it. Definitely one of the best films of the Seventies. Boy, did they know how to make films then – the first two Godfather films, Chinatown…fuck! That was a glorious period for cinema. Have you seen any of them? Edward?"

A silly grin sat on Edward's face. He wasn't paying particular attention to what Bella was saying because he couldn't ignore how she said it. The joy in her voice, the utter excitement, made Edward want to rush home so he could understand the enthusiasm she held for those films.

"What about you?"

Edward should've realized he would have to share what his favorite film was. But Edward was too caught up in thoughts of Bella and didn't think ahead to mention a less wussy film. "Steel Magnolias," he whispered through clenched teeth.

"Steel Magnolias? That weepy one with Julia Roberts and Sally Field? What the fuck, Cullen? Are you a girl or something? Sorry, that was Emmett McCarty coming out of my mouth. Oh, who am I kidding? Yeah, that statement was all Bella Swan."

"Yes, I know I'm a pussy. Ally reminds me of this at least once a week. And speaking of Ally, what's the plan for breaking up this wedding?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "There isn't a plan for breaking up the wedding because we're supporting Alice and Jasper."

"The fuck we are."

"Well, I'm going to have a good time. If you're going to be a stick in the mud, maybe you should've stayed in San Diego."

Edward muttered a "fine", but almost six hours after Edward's initial freak out, said freak out reared its ugly head again once they passed the signs welcoming them to Nevada. He soon began grumbling about interrupting the nuptials.

"Can you get a list going of all the nicer wedding chapels in town?"

To his face, Bella agreed, but internally she was shaking her head. Bella not only knew where they were getting married (the Bellagio's Terrazza Di Sogno), but also she knew the date was tomorrow. She kept those tidbits to herself until absolutely necessary.

Unfortunately, Edward couldn't be deterred from his plans.

By the time they exited Interstate 15 and drove down Las Vegas Boulevard, the infamous Big Fat Wedding Chapel was in his sights.

Wasting no time, Edward pulled into the facility's parking lot, ran out of his car and sought his sister.

The second Edward had pulled into the chapel's lot, Bella had been trying to convince him to leave. She ran in front of him, trying to block his way. She even told him when and where Alice was actually getting married. But none of it worked. As Bella hissed at him to refrain from interrupting two strangers' ceremony, Edward ignored her.

On his left was the "Chapel del Amor", and Edward burst through its doors.

The couple exchanging vows were dressed like two people who had just decided to marry – they weren't dressed for a wedding, and the woman was about the same height and weight as Alice. But that's where the similarities ceased.

That moment, the minister asked, "Is there anyone here who has reason to believe this man and this woman should not be wed? Speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Yeah, that's my sister. There is NO way she can marry that joker."

As soon as the shocked couple turned around (the girl was marrying someone her family didn't approve of, and she thought the bellowing voice belonged to her brother), Edward felt like the fool he appeared to be.

After Edward recovered from the mortification of breaking up the wedding of two complete strangers, he allowed Bella to calm him before they returned to the road for the short drive to Takusan Tabe, the Japanese restaurant where they would meet Jasper and Alice for a late dinner. Truth be told, Edward's interruption prevented a later divorce – the 18-year-old girl was marrying a 38-year-old man, and the pause in their elopement ceremony was long enough to momentarily bring her to her senses until her father burst through and carried her away, not that Bella and Edward were still around to witness it. (As expected, their ties most definitely weren't joined in Bella's mind.)

A sulking Edward followed Bella back to his car, where she joked, "Look who saved his sister from a fate worse than death."

"Shut up. I did a good deed today."

"And it was your intention, wasn't it?" Bella enjoyed mocking Edward because he made it so easy. Luckily, he was a good sport and responded with the always mature sticking out of his tongue.

"You're going to keep this afternoon's events between us, right? Isn't there some sort of matchmaker-client privilege?"

Bella's side was starting to ache due to her laughter. "Oh, hell no," Bella sassed. "As soon as we meet up with Alice and Jasper, you can bet your ass I'm sharing this story with as many embarrassing details as possible. And don't put it past me to make anything up. What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but remember, we're all still in Vegas."

With a smirk, Edward deadpanned, "Have I mentioned how much I hate you?"

"Oh, you adore me, Edward. Admit it!"

Edward did adore Bella, more than either of them realized yet. But he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of admitting that he had been an irrational buffoon over his sister's impending nuptials.


	8. Chapter 8: Vegas, pt. 2

During dinner, Edward began to accept that Alice would marry Jasper because, even he had to admit, the two were made for one another.

The four met in Takusan Tabe's cocktail bar shortly after the wedding chapel debacle.

Edward tried to intimidate Jasper. When they shook hands, Edward gripped Jasper's hand harder than what was considered customary or polite in civilized society. While the happy couple and Bella sipped their drinks, Edward glared at Jasper. The groom was either immune to Edward's actions, or he didn't care (maybe a little of both?).

Moments before the hostess led them to their table, Edward finally blurted out, "Who do you think you are? You think marrying Ally after seducing and deflowering her will make everything okay?"

If any of the threesome had had cocktails in their mouths, they surely would've sprayed the liquid over the table's other occupants. For her part, Alice remained calm and waited until everyone took their seats before addressing Edward's accusations.

"You think Jasper seduced and deflowered me? First of all, big brother, if anyone is guilty of seducing, it's me." Alice paused momentarily as she suppressed a giggle. She couldn't believe Edward was such an overprotective prude. "And Greg Thompson deflowered me when I was a freshman in high school. So if you are going to verbally attack someone, don't you think you ought to hunt him down? Or at least have all of the facts?"

The last thing anyone wanted to hear about was his sibling's sex life, so a rather dour and silent Edward grumbled an unintelligible string of words at his sister's rebuff.

Bella could sense Edward's discomfort and reached under the table to give his hand a quick squeeze of support. She may not have agreed with what Edward was doing, but Bella knew that his love for his sister influenced his irrational words and actions. Unfortunately, Bella pulled away from Edward before he was ready for the loss of her warmth.

Edward's silent pouting may have returned, but at least he now began to observe the interactions between Alice and Jasper. He couldn't deny that Alice had a happy glow about her he'd never seen before. He also noticed that Jasper's calm and quiet demeanor perfectly balanced Alice's energy and nonstop talking. And Bella was right – they were sweet to one another. So Edward did the only thing he could, he tried to learn a little bit about his future brother-in-law.

"What brings you to California, Jasper? I hear you're in the oil business. I always thought Texas had the oil fields."

Alice beamed when she heard her brother's question, thinking he was taking an interest in Jasper – she valued Edward's opinion over all others. Of course, Alice didn't realize Edward was about to grill Jasper.

Jasper, who was very much aware of Alice's wish that Edward support her actions, grinned. "Are you familiar with those big oil and fuel tanks by Jack Murphy Stadium?"

"Of course. I normally park by them when I go to football games."

"Well, scientists recently found those drums were contaminating the groundwater. My company reduces dissolved phase petroleum hydrocarbons to background water quality levels," Jasper stated confidently.

From what little he had heard about Jasper, Edward knew Jasper used his science background, along with everything he learned as the son of a wildcatter, to improve their world. Edward couldn't deny he was impressed.

"That's very admirable of you. But what happens when you've finished the cleanup here in a few years – do you move my sister elsewhere?"

Alice fielded this question. "Actually, Edward, this contract will allow Jasper to move his company's main operations center to San Diego. Don't think you're getting rid of me that easily!"

Jasper draped his arm over Alice's shoulders and pressed a kiss to her temple. The move was both tender and natural. And a slightly jealous Edward hated how easily the two meshed.

"What about your employees in Texas?"

For the briefest of moments, Alice was beginning to regret inviting Edward. "God, Edward. Don't look for faults in Jasper. Just get to know him, okay?"

Edward sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You can't fault me for wanting the best for you, Ally."

"Edward, you love your sister. But so do I. I wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. She's my life now." Jasper pulled Alice's hand to his mouth before he ghosted his lips over her knuckles, turning her into a puddle of goo.

During this conversation, Bella's head swiveled from side to side as if she sat courtside at the US Open. Edward lobbed the ball only to have Alice slam it back towards him. He'd reach the ball and, just as it bounced once between his legs, swat it back over the net to a ready and waiting Jasper.

Much to everyone's surprise, Edward changed course. "How does Jake feel about all of this?"

Bella finally spoke, asking, "Who the hell is Jake?"

"My corgi is Jake, remember?"

Bella was thoroughly confused. "Excuse me for asking what may be another stupid question, but what do his feelings have to do with all of this?"

Alice launched into one of her never-ending monologues. "If Jake doesn't like someone, then that person isn't really welcome in my house. He's, like, this amazing judge of character. I once had a boyfriend who I cooked dinner for. Jake hid under my bed the whole time the guy was there. And he constantly ran away from another boyfriend who was intent on making Jake his plaything. Needless to say, neither of them lasted much longer. But Jasper? Well, Jakey loved—and I mean loved—Jasper. Whenever Jazzy is over, Jake tries to push me out of the way so he can get closer to Jasper. I have to admit it's sorta annoying how he's forsaken me for another. Oh, and Jasper has his own corgi! Kismet, huh? Her name is Rennie, and those two are super cute together."

Chuckling, Edward shook his head. "Jasper, or should I call you Jazzy?" Edward winked at his dinner companions before continuing, "Welcome to the family."

~oOo~

"What the hell just happened back there?" Bella asked Edward when he closed her door and joined her in the car. "One moment you're ready to claw out his eyes—"

"Dude, I am not a girl, Bella. I don't 'claw' anything," Edward interrupted.

"Fine. One minute you're about to punch the living daylights out of him. The next? You're all buddy-buddy with him like he's your best friend."

"You heard Ally. Jake has this weird sixth sense when it comes to a person's personality. It's uncanny, really."

"I guess I should be excited that Jake wagged his little stump at me and licked my leg?"

"He's such a fucking Casanova. I wish I had an ounce of his game," Edward quipped.

~oOo~

Edward and Bella were all smiles as they pulled up to the Bellagio.

"You reserved a suite?" a flabbergasted Bella asked when they checked in. She hadn't expected him to have that much forethought before he picked her up. "When did you have the time to do this? You live at least fifteen minutes from me, and you had to pack. And why the Bellagio? I don't see you as the type to stay in one of the more expensive hotels when you travel."

Edward tapped his head. "I know Ally, and I figured she was staying here, meaning less time would be wasted tracking her down. But really, you'd be surprised what kind of deals you can find online on suites for middle-of-the-week stays."

It was customary for the bride and groom to secure rooms for their wedding guests, but Alice and Jasper were eloping and hotel rooms for Edward and Bella were one of the last things on their minds. Bella assumed this about the couple and figured she would find something once they arrived.

Bella was still surprised because Edward was a very frugal man. Sure, he drove a nice car, but it wasn't new; he owned a house in San Diego (on Mt. Soledad!), but it was small like a bungalow. "You still haven't said why you got a suite. I would've been fine fending for myself."

"Well, the plan was to kidnap Ally and have you two share one room while I stayed in the other."

Comments like that made Bella adore Edward more and more each day. "You are too funny, Edward." Bella almost called him "too cute", but caught herself before saying it. Eek! I wouldn't want him to get the impression that I'm pining after him. I mean, I find him incredibly attractive, but he's off limits. Yep, I can't go there…

More often than not, Bella's thoughts concerning Edward were somewhat taboo. And more often than not, she told herself that she couldn't think about him like that.

~oOo~

Both Bella and Edward slept restlessly in their rooms separated only by a living room. They'd never spent as much time together before, and things were beginning to change.

When Edward had given up on catching anymore zzzs, he dragged himself to his spacious bathroom. Edward scrubbed his face with his hands and pulled his boxer briefs over his morning wood before stepping into the warm spray.

As the steam swirled around him, images of Bella swirled around his brain. Edward grabbed his dick and began roughly stroking himself. The sound of moans filled the relative silence of the room when Edward brought his hand up and around the head before bringing it back down the shaft. With his free hand, he braced himself against the marble wall and quickened his pace.

"Bella…" desperately moaned, seeking a release both in his cock and from the visions he had of Bella. The conflict in his mind eventually ceased when he gave into the pictures playing around his mind: Bella crouched on all fours, waiting for him to stroke his hand along her skin before sinking himself deep between her folds; Bella writhing below him while he licked her slit; Bella's hand brushing soft, teasing caresses along his aching cock…

The thought of Bella's hand on him did the trick – Edward grunted and came forcefully, trembling momentarily. He'd never experienced such a strong release in his life and was surprised that his hand caused it. (Any outside observer would tell him it wasn't his hand, but rather thoughts of Bella that brought on the orgasm.)

Edward quickly washed himself and finished his shower, ashamed that he had allowed himself to view Bella in such a vulgar way. (If Edward had any idea what kind of images popped into Bella's mind, he wouldn't have considered anything vulgar.)

When it came to Bella, he was just too tough on himself.

~oOo~

While Edward showered and then beat up himself, Bella reclined in her bed, also frustrated by her less-than-restful sleep. Having Edward under the same roof and just a few yards away weighed heavily on her. She'd been having impure thoughts and dreams about him for months, and with him that close, Bella was beginning to think she was going crazy.

Unlike Edward, though, Bella allowed herself to enjoy her horniness – dreams of Edward had that effect on her.

Bella moved one hand to one of her very erect nipples while the other slowly meandered down her torso until it made contact with her very wet pussy. When her fingers ghosted past her clit, she purred with delight, and her back arched off her bed.

Jolts of electricity shot through her body when she pinched the bundle of nerves and slipped a finger inside herself. Bella added a second finger and pumped them as the heel of her palm pressed up against her clit, the movement creating a pleasant friction that increased her wetness. She imagined the fingers were the long fingers of Edward's hand. The hand that had been kneading her breast and pulling and twisting at her nipple caressed her neck as she imagined it was Edward's mouth, ghosting light kisses along her sensitive skin. She craved Edward's weight and skin pressed against her as her fingers continued to drive her closer to her release.

"Harder, faster," she whimpered between wordless moans and fast breaths. Her imaginary Edward complied, driving his fingers into her. When Bella thought she couldn't take the sensations in her body any longer, she curled her fingers up, hitting that nub that pushed her over the edge. The coil that had been building in her abdomen burst, and Bella's appendages tingled with her orgasm.

Her eyes, which had remained closed during the intensity of her finger fucking, slowly opened; her breathing and heartbeat slowed while she continued to lie in her bed; and the sheen of sweat that covered her now unclothed body (she had stripped herself during the middle of the night during one of her more intense dreams) quickly cooled, causing a shiver, followed by goose bumps that erupted across her skin as the room's air conditioning continued to pump into her room.

"Fuck," Bella groaned to herself. "I've got to get laid by something other than my vibrator or my fingers because soon I'm going to crave Edward."

Bella was in denial – her body already craved Edward.

~oOo~

Bella and Edward met in their living room and avoided all eye contact. Turns out the morning after is awkward even when the morning after was nothing more than with their own hands.

Edward shuffled his feet a few times before stating, "We should get going. I'm starving, and the brunch buffet here is delicious."

Alice and Jasper quickly found Edward and Bella as they wound their way around people and between tables of yummy food.

"What?" a dumbfounded Jasper wondered when all eyes at his table stared at him when he sat down with a mountain of food on his plate the size of Kilimanjaro.

"Dude, it's all you can eat, which means you can go back as often as you like," Edward said.

Alice added, "Honey, if you eat all of that, you're going to get a stomach ache, forcing you to rest all day – and you and Edward need to have a proper bachelor party—" Alice smirked encouragingly at the boys, "—and I can only imagine what sort of bust you'll be on our wedding night."

"Ahhhh, my ears! Didn't we already determine I don't want to hear anything about my sister's sex life?"

Again, Alice smirked. "Sex? Who said anything about sex? I plan on playing Trivial Pursuit on my wedding night. And after a few games, we're going to thumb wrestle."

Bella and Alice both tittered away at Alice's "plans" for the evening. Everyone knew what activity the newlyweds usually engaged in – sex, sex, and more sex.

"Thumb wrestling? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Bella joked.

"My ears, my ears," a petulant Edward chanted while he covered his ears and closed his eyes.

Bella gripped his uncovered knee to get his attention – again, when their skin made contact, they both felt the comforting warmth.

"Hey doofus," Alice began an hour later, "Why don't you and Jazzy get going so Bella and I can get ready for my wedding." Alice squealed when she spoke the last word.

~oOo~

That afternoon, Jasper and Edward had the most uncomfortable visit to a strip club…ever. Part of their discomfort came from their unfamiliarity with the other – what do strangers talk about when they're surrounded by horny men and half-naked and naked women gyrating their hips around poles and in men's laps? The other part of their discomfort was due to their shared dislike of strip clubs. It wasn't their thing, which was what the men began to bond over when they left shortly after they arrived.

"What was Alice thinking, prodding us to go there?"

"One of the things I love about her is her ability to completely surprise me."

"You really love her, don't you?"

"Man, she's just…" Jasper paused. "This may sound silly and clichéd, especially considering we've known each other less than two weeks, but she completes me. She gets me."

Edward punched Jasper on the arm as he responded. "Dude, you sound like a chick."

"It's your sister. She's cast some witchy spell over me. So what's up with you and Bella?"

"What do you mean?"

"Whenever Alice talks about Bella, you're always part of the picture. And you two get along great. Have you thought about dating?"

"Dating, yes. Dating Bella, no. She's my matchmaker and friend."

"Whatever, man."

Edward was distracted for the remainder of their time together, but Jasper wasn't bothered because his mind was consumed with thoughts of his upcoming life.

When they returned to their hotel, Jasper and Edward shared a man-hug. "Remind Alice that I love her and that I can't wait to see her in a little bit."

Returning to their suite, Edward saw the door to Bella's room was shut, but he heard peals of laughter from the girls. He proceeded to get ready, dressing in suit pants and a dress shirt – Alice and Jasper decided their nuptials wouldn't be a formal affair – and gasped when Alice and Bella emerged from behind closed doors.

Both women wore simple, casual dresses: Alice's was an off-white, mid-thigh-length, linen dress with cap sleeves and weaving along the chest; Bella's dress was a knee-length halter with large flowers in shades of green. They kept their makeup and hair simple, with both leaving their hair in soft waves.

"Alice, you're beautiful," Edward announced, but his eyes were trained on Bella. "Simply breathtaking…" Both he and Alice knew the words weren't directed at her, but rather at Bella.

A thought came to Alice's mind, When I get back from our honeymoon, I may have to work on that. Alice and Jasper both recognized that there was something between Bella and Edward.

~oOo~

Alice wove her arm through her brother's before they proceeded to meet Jasper and Bella, who stood with the officiant. Throughout the five-minute ceremony, Jasper and Alice locked eyes. Their witnesses, Bella and Edward, snuck admiring glances at the other.

Any observer could tell something was blooming between Bella and Edward – too bad they were so blind to it.

~oOo~

"My wife, where would you like to begin?" Jasper asked as he scooped up Alice into his arms.

"Craps?"

"Craps it is, then. You guys coming?" Jasper winked at Alice. It may have been their celebration, but they wordlessly told the other that they needed to play matchmaker for the real matchmaker and her client.

Bella and Edward weren't paying close attention to Alice and Jasper for they were lost in their own conversation that had little to do with the wedding or Vegas.

"Huh?" Edward eloquently inquired.

"Craps. You know, that dice game…"

"Oh. Do you want to play that, Bella?"

Bella smiled as she turned to Jasper and answered Edward's question. "If that's what the newlyweds want to do in lieu of a reception, then I'm game!"

An exuberant Alice grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him back into the hotel and through its hallways before the casino opened up in front of them. They essentially ditched their companions, but it didn't matter – no one could ever truly lose Alice thanks to her volume.

A loud squeal erupted from Alice's mouth, "We're going to make this a wedding to remember!"

Jasper kissed the knuckles of his wife, adding, "I don't think we have to worry about those two forgetting this event any time soon."

Edward followed the sounds of his sister to locate her (whales had sonar-like capabilities; Alice had a sharp amplification in volume – both were just as effective as the other).

"Thanks for waiting for us, Ally," a droll Edward commented.

"Have you ever needed me to wait? You always find me. Now, craps. Select a table, big brother."

Each table looked the same to Edward. He didn't know how to play craps – none of the foursome did, so he wasn't sure how to select a table. Finally, he searched for one that not only appeared to have enough room for them, but also had a fair amount of action. (He didn't even consider each table's starting bids.)

"That one!" Edward pointed.

Jasper pulled a few Benjamins from his wallet and instructed the stickman that he wanted to exchange them for $20 chips; he split them between himself and Alice. Edward copied the action, giving about $200 in chips to Bella who glared at him with a look of insult.

"Put those away. You sprung for the hotel, I'll buy the chips." And she did. Bella placed $1000 in cash on the table and evenly divided the chips between herself and Edward.

Considering each was entirely lost, they quickly lost money. But when it was Bella's turn to throw the dice, Alice had made friends with the other players at their table who instructed the wedding party how to bet. Bella didn't understand a single word (seriously, how did people make sense of it?), but she continued to roll as commanded.

Whatever Bella was doing worked. The table kept chanting her name and an audience had formed behind her. "Bell-a, Bell-a, Bell-a!"

"What the hell am I even doing?" Bella yelled over the deafening cheers.

"Wanna blow on them for luck?" Bella held open her hand to Edward, who curiously stared at her. (Somehow, Edward's mind turned the question into something salacious and wasn't sure he could answer Bella without his voice cracking like a teenage boy in the throes of puberty.) Once his adult brain caught up with the scene in front of him, Edward nodded and quickly blew on the dice.

Turn after turn, Bella's throw was met with raucous cheers. The former accountant played smart – she stacked her winnings, never increasing her initial bet.

After an hour of dominating, Bella finally crapped out. Edward, Alice, and Jasper crapped out on their first rolls. Turns out they didn't have lucky fingers like Bella, and the four retreated from the table a little richer than before and very hungry. Who knew something as simple tossing two tiny cubes could create an appetite?

~oOo~

Their gambling continued successfully well into the night until the casino's floor manager rolled a cake followed by a group of employees to the newlyweds and their friends. (It was very out of character for a casino to take such an interest in a wedding party, but most wedding parties weren't taking the casino for tens of thousands of dollars. The manager figured the break in action would end their respective streaks or, at the very least, give him a chance to warn the foursome that card counting would earn them ejections. His warning was for naught – none of them were counting cards; all were just shrewd gamblers who knew when to hold them and when to fold them.)

"Well, if you'll excuse us, I think we're going to take that as our cue to celebrate in our room." At Jasper's pronouncement, Alice smiled and launched herself at her brother and then Bella.

"Thank you for everything you've done. I hope I can bring you as much joy as you've managed to bring me," Alice whispered into Bella's ear. To Bella, Alice's words spoke of nothing specific; but to Alice, her words were a promise of something more.


	9. Chapter 9: Lucy

Edward and Bella remained in Las Vegas until two days after Alice and Jasper's wedding because of their dire need to recuperate.

Their gambling had continued into the early morning hours. And with Vegas being Vegas, that meant gads of free liquor while they played numerous hands of blackjack and poker. It also meant a loss of the requisite amount of time that the clock-less casinos encouraged as they drained gamblers of their money. Needless to say, Edward and Bella were both hot messes when they eventually awoke, which was well after the hotel's noon checkout time. It was a rather impressive feat – Edward set both his hotel alarm clock andthe alarm on his phone to the loudest volumes possible, but it was for naught as they failed to alert Edward of anything.

Restoration Day, as Edward dubbed it after he and Bella had both showered, was spent doing nothing much more than recovering. They both lounged in the spa, partaking in massages and seaweed soaks, followed by more gender-specific activities (Bella enjoyed a facial, manicure, and pedicure, while Edward indulged in a "royal" shave).

Most people would encourage taking in a show while in Las Vegas. But after a lengthy argument over which to attend, they compromised by ordering room service and watching the Thursday-night comedy lineup on NBC. (Neither was willing to budge on which show to attend. Bella thought Zumanity looked intriguing, but when Edward read that the description included the words "sensuality" and "sexuality", it was clear to him that he wouldn't be able to sit next to Bella without sporting some serious wood. Meanwhile, Edward suggested Donny & Marie – could you get any more innocuous (and less sexual) than Mormon siblings singing sweet songs? – but Bella nixed that idea before Edward even finished speaking the word "Marie".)

Their last night in Las Vegas was low-key and exactly as they would've preferred to spend that, or any other, evening.

As soon as they piled into Edward's Mercedes coupe, they gladly waved goodbye to Sin City (they had already waved goodbye to all of their spending money and then some).

Both remained fairly silent during the drive back to San Diego, each preferring the company of their own thoughts to the company of the other. Well, truth be told, they were both consumed with over thinking the implications of their trip. An outside observer would correctly call their drive awkward, awkward like the morning after two people first have sex. They hadn't slept together, but their friendship had most definitely changed during their trip to Vegas – they'd gotten closer, and both had succumbed to their attraction to the other (of course that was only during moments of solitude). But neither was sure of what the implications would be once they returned to the normalcy of their real lives.

The majority of the ride's sparse conversation revolved around the music playing on Edward's stereo (Bella's aforementioned poor singing abilities, tiffs over whether a song should be skipped, or the volume of other songs).

Once they exited Interstate 5, Bella started gathering the trash that had collected during their drive. Edward covered Bella's hand with his own to stop her from cleaning. Again, that now-familiar warmth returned when their skin connected.

Until this point, neither saw it as anything more than skin-to-skin contact between two warm-blooded bodies; but Bella tended to run cold, so Edward wouldn't have felt it unless the contact signaled something more.

Now Bella was starting to wonder if there was another reason for the comforting warmth she felt whenever they touched. She immediately retracted her hand from Edward's grasp, which surprised him. Bella peered up at Edward, who wore a confused (and hurt?) look on his face. Bella didn't want Edward to think her hand's retreat had anything to do with the radiating warmth, so she acted as if his motion had done nothing more than startle her.

"You surprised me, Edward."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was, um…You don't need to get that stuff. I can do it."

"The least I can do is clean up this mess. You drove, paid for our hotel rooms and massages."

Edward smirked. "Well, when you put it that way, I guess I can let you get all the trash." Bella grabbed candy wrappers from around her feet when Edward piped up again, "You missed a spot."

A moment of levity returned, and Bella gave him the bird. Of course, that levity left almost as fast as it returned. Bella squirmed in her seat as she considered how best to bring up his date, which was scheduled for later that evening. Both of them hadn't really talked much about her matchmaking since they arrived in Las Vegas. But they were returning to reality, and their reality was that Bella was his matchmaker first, friend second.

"So we haven't really talked about tonight."

"Tonight?" Edward was entirely confused. He scanned through his memory trying to figure out to what Bella referred.

"Your date. Have you already forgotten?"

"Oh, that."

"Yes, that. I spoke to Riley before we left and had him cancel the date because I figured you would want a night in before heading out for another date."

With a tight smile, Edward responded, "That was a good idea. When do you think we can reschedule it?"

Bella frowned. It surprised her that Edward was seemingly delighted at the prospect of another date. Of course, Edward was a little disappointed that Bella was mentioning the date in the first place and only suggested another date because he figured it would please her.

"I can have Riley check on Lucy's schedule. Would you be able to go out tomorrow night?"

"Her name's Lucy?" Edward considered the name for a moment. "Yeah, I could do tomorrow." Without wasting a beat, he added, "Well, here we are." Edward pulled up to the curb next to Bella's condo and hopped out to grab her bag before handing it to her. Bella quickly hugged him in thanks; Edward was glad for both the hug and its brevity – the contact with a woman to whom he was attracted was causing a growing problem in his pants.

As soon as she was out of sight, he mumbled to himself, "The things that woman does to me…" Edward was starting to admit to himself that his attraction for Bella was evolving into something else.

~oOo~

Bella sunk into the plush chair next to the front door and buried her face in her hands. "What am I going to do?"

Rather than question herself any further, she realized that what she needed to do was match Edward with someone. No matter how much she was drawn to him, she was very much aware that they weren't meant to have a happily ever after…

Or so she thought.

Jumping up from her comfortable spot, Bella went into action. She checked in with Riley before calling Lucy to set up a date for the next night.

~oOo~

After Edward's numerous attempts for a fun date, he resolved to do things the "normal" way – dinner and maybe a movie (if things went well. But who was Edward kidding? They hadn't gone well yet, so why would this date be any exception?).

When Riley called to confirm the date, Edward asked him if Lucy had any food restrictions. There was no way he wanted a replay of his date with Victoria. Even thinking about it made him shiver deep down to his bones. Riley assured Edward that she didn't have any food restrictions of which he was aware. Rather than risking it, Edward decided on a tapas place he visited at least once a month.

~oOo~

Lucy reminded Edward of Bella. She was slender with medium-length brown hair and bright brown eyes. Like Bella, she had a warm and genuine smile that caused the skin around her eyes to crinkle. At first glance, Edward thought to himself that they could be sisters, which pleased him very much for he considered Bella beautiful.

When they shook hands in Bella's office, the familiar warmth he felt whenever his and Bella's skin made contact wasn't present. Of course, Edward wasn't thinking about that – he only remembered that feeling whenever he and Bella touched (not to mention the other feeling he experienced when their skin met).

Conversation in the car was a bit stiff between the two strangers – they were both shy people, and Edward was worried about setting off a shitstorm every time he opened his mouth.

Innocuous topics, innocuous topics, he chanted repeatedly in his mind.

"Where are we heading?" Lucy wondered.

"G – have you ever heard of it?"

"Nope. What type of food do they serve?"

"It's a tapas place, and the menu constantly changes. So your guess is as good as mine. Do you like wine? They always have a great selection. I particularly enjoy an Australian Cabernet-Shiraz blend that I haven't been able to find anywhere else."

"That sounds delightful! I've got a big appetite." Lucy's mom had told her over the years that men preferred a woman with an appetite, so she took special measures to make sure she would be able to stuff her face on her date with Edward.

Edward was encouraged by Lucy's enthusiasm, and he began to grin. This will go well, I can feel it.

When they neared Garnet Avenue, Edward noticed a strange smell. He wouldn't call it an odor, but it was most definitely something foreign. He flipped the air-intake dial on his car's air conditioning so that only recycled air filled the car. But the scent intensified. Must be Lucy's perfume… Not a deal breaker, but odd to say the least.

G was one of those little restaurants hidden in the corner of a strip mall that always won local cuisine awards and made everyone who didn't know it want to find it. Its storefront was about as inauspicious as could be. And unless you intended to head there, G looked like it was the one place you would avoid. But it had a loyal – and some would say rabid – following.

Edward was one of those rabid followers – he visited G frequently, always by himself.

The pair entered the small restaurant, and Lucy's eyes practically bugged out. She wasn't prepared for the difference between the interior from the exterior. Outside, there was a convenience store and gas station across the parking lot, and the building's edifice looked like it had seen better days. However, inside Lucy was greeted with the spotless contrast of white and black, with accents of bright purple and photographs of orchids. Each picture was different than the one next to it – some focused on petals mid bloom, others on the stamen; but all were incredibly sensual and colorful, giving the small space a feeling of warmth.

"Mr. C, it's good to see you." Gianna, G's owner, welcomed the pair with gentle hugs and kisses to each cheek before leading them to a table. The plump Italian expat had a shocking streak of white through her dark mane, pale green eyes, and tan-colored skin (achieved without the aid of sun or tanning beds). "And who is your friend?" Gianna's lips curled at each end, and her tone of voice implied that Lucy's presence was as that of a girlfriend, rather than the reality that she was just a first date.

"Gia, this is Lucy. It's our first date, so be nice," Edward warned. Gianna feigned innocence, but she regularly chided Edward for always dining alone (not that there was anything wrong with that). The one previous time that a dinner companion accompanied Edward, it had been Alice, and Gianna seemed to go out of her way to make their meal as romantic as possible. They both had stifled laughs throughout the evening. It wasn't until the end of their meal that either of them had bothered to burst Gianna's bubble; the two had informed her that they were siblings, which greatly mortified Gianna. Ever since, she'd promised Edward that she would seek revenge at the earliest juncture.

And it looked like tonight would be the chance. But Gianna could sense Edward's nervousness; she covertly crossed her heart and held up two fingers in salute as if to promise that her actions would not impact the date.

Lucy was, luckily for Edward, entirely oblivious of the exchange, instead she was inspecting the photographs closest to her. (Her focus may have been on the photos, but it never remained on more than one for a few moments – it was like she had some extreme form of ADD.) She eventually looked up towards Gianna, saying, "I never knew this place existed, and I must say I am pleasantly surprised. When Edward pulled into the parking lot, I was sure he was leading me to my death." A nervous giggle escaped from Lucy's lips after she realized she'd suggested Edward had less-than-honorable intentions at bringing her to G.

"My dear girl, you're not the first to make such a comment, but—" Gianna bent towards her and ran a finger along Lucy's jaw before tilting it so the two women would make eye contact. "—you are the prettiest to ever express such a concern. I may have to reconsider what I serve here." Gianna let loose a boisterous laugh, alerting Lucy that her insinuation that she would kill and eat Lucy was nothing more than a joke. Unfortunately, the damage to the psyche of his paranoid date was already done.

Edward attempted to soothe Lucy as Gianna walked away so they could peruse the menu. "Ignore her. Gia likes to rattle people every so often. I suppose it's part of her charm?" Edward grimaced slightly.

"You don't sound particularly sure of yourself."

"Well, she's probably trying to get a little payback for what my sister and I once did."

"Are you close with your sister?"

"We're pretty close. In fact, I just got back from her wedding – she eloped to Las Vegas. The four of us had a great time!"

Lucy's paranoia returned. She found it a bit odd that Edward would be on a date with her after just spending time with, what she presumed was, another woman. "Four of you?" Lucy gulped.

"Oh, Bella came along – she matched them up."

"Is that why you decided to use Bella's services? She was so successful with your sister?"

Edward shook his head a few times and chuckled softly. "Nope. Ally just met Jasper a couple of weeks ago. I met Bella a few months ago. The elopement was a bit of a surprise."

"Wow, that's crazy."

"Has Bella set you up with any other men?" Edward wanted to smack himself in the head for asking such an intrusive question. Honestly, he didn't want to know the answer – it just seemed like the right question to ask, tit for tat.

"This is the first."

Edward exhaled the breath he didn't realize he was holding. He quickly changed the subject, and they discussed what they wanted to order. They selected seven different items and ordered the wine Edward had mentioned during their drive. (Well, Edward picked out two appetizers while the petite, but apparently ever-hungry, Lucy chose five.)

As the first appetizer arrived, Lucy and Edward were discussing their respective careers. Like Edward, Lucy was in education, working as an administrator in the School of Education at San Diego State. They compared horror stories of working with students (and for Lucy, also living near students – every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night seemed like one nonstop fraternity party).

A thought wouldn't leave Edward's mind – Why doesn't she move to a quieter area? Seems a bit odd…

After touching upon a gazillion topics (Edward considered asking her if she, indeed, had adult ADD), they found that they shared a love for John Irving novels, practically turning their date into a book club of his classic Prayer for Owen Meany. Not only did they both love the book, they both despised its film representation, Simon Burch.

Lucy excused herself to the restroom, which afforded Edward the opportunity to shoot Bella a text about the date.

You did a great job matching me with Lucy. She's really sweet & we have much in common! And you should see her appetite! ~E

When Bella received the text, a pang of jealousy inexplicably stung her. She couldn't believe that her friend's joy would bring her any pain, but it did. Bella wondered whether it was wrong to wish the date would crash and burn like all of his previous. Rather than continuing down that destructive path, she replied with well wishes and returned to sulking over a bowl of ice cream.

I'm so glad to hear! I hope you guys continue to have fun! ~B

Edward was pleased by Bella's encouragement, but at the same time he was slightly disappointed. He didn't have a chance to ruminate over his disappointment because Lucy returned seconds after he received Bella's text.

Again, though, he smelled that strange odor that he couldn't place. This time, the smell was more concentrated than it had been in the confines of his car. He sniffed a few times, which Lucy noticed.

"Is something wrong, Edward?"

The scent was something he couldn't place. And he didn't want to bring it up – what woman would react positively after being told she smelled upon return from the restroom? That's like asking her if she just took a dump because she smells like shit.

"No, nothing." Definitely safer to avoid that potential explosion…don't want to rock the boat.

Their dinner continued along the path already paved for them – they found more books (and their inferior film adaptations) on which they agreed. As dinner ended, they agreed to head to a movie. After settling their bill, Edward headed to the bathroom (and sent Bella another happy text, which, like the first, pained her to receive). Lucy went outside to wait for Edward.

Lucy didn't pay attention to time, and was caught off guard when Edward returned.

This time, there was no way he could ignore the scent – or the glass pipe and lighter in each of her hands.

Edward incredulously sputtered, "Is that weed? Are you smoking marijuana?" He couldn't believe what he was seeing (and smelling – well, that sure explained the odor he couldn't quite place, not to mention Lucy's paranoia and absurdly huge appetite). Teaching at a public high school had made Edward rather vigilant about enforcing rules and laws. Of course, his students knew this about him and made a point of smoking on school grounds in places where they were sure they could avoid Edward – hidden under the bleachers tended to be a preferred hideout, one the teachers stupidly failed to police (they figured students would think it 'too obvious'.)

"What's wrong? It's just a little pot. Do you want some?" In offering, Lucy extended her arm towards Edward, who promptly swatted the glass pipe away from his personal space. It clanked to the ground and shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces.

"What the hell, Edward?" she seethed. "I just packed the bowl, and that was a new pipe. You're going to pay me back for that!"

"I already did – dinner. And the ride back to your car – and not reporting you to the police – will be my little gift to you."

"That's fucked up, Edward. Why are you acting like such a square?"

Yep, Edward was a bit of a square, but he didn't care.

"I'm a teacher. I'm supposed to set an example. How would I be able to look myself in the mirror if I didn't practice what I preached? Don't kill your brain cells around me. You can do it elsewhere."

Pissed off that her favorite glass pipe had just been ruined and annoyed that Edward killed her high with his puritanical beliefs, Lucy got into the car and sulked as they drove silently back to Coast Boulevard, where Lucy's car was parked. Edward considered leaving before she started her car, but even if he found her actions entirely reprehensible, he still considered himself responsible for her safety until she drove away.

He didn't wait a moment before calling Bella, who was surprised to be receiving a call from Edward so soon after his last text, which mentioned the couple were heading to a movie.

"Aren't you supposed to be on a date?" Bella inquired.

"I think I jinxed things by texting you – she turned out to be a pothead."

Bella grinned and jumped with excitement. She quickly composed herself and responded. "Shut up! I didn't see that coming. Wow. You can never tell about a person, can you? I'm so sorry to hear things crash and burned… Or just burned." Bella cackled at her pun. (Of course, she wasn't sorry.)

"You think that's funny, huh? You think it's funny that I just went out with someone who is probably called 'Sparky' by her friends?" A stitch formed in Bella's side, but she continued to guffaw as Edward plowed ahead with his mock annoyance. "Early in the date, she mentioned that she lives around college students who, by her own words, partied all the time. I couldn't understand why she would willingly continue to live there. Now I get it – she puts up with it so she has a way to get her fix."

Tears streamed down Bella's face as her laughter continued. Bella tried to catch her breath, but found she was unable to stop the uncontrollable giggles.

"Did she offer you any? You should've taken her up on it – may calm you a little." Edward let a chuckle escape at Bella's joke. If only Bella knew…

They continued their chat while Edward drove home and then stripped for bed. The awkwardness of the previous day seemed to evaporate, which pleased them both.


	10. *Chapter 10*: Sam

Bella couldn't endure the war being waged in her head any longer. So she called in reinforcements.

"Thank you for joining me," Bella announced solemnly to her friends, who gathered for what they thought was a standard dinner party.

Bella hosted dinner for the same group of friends each month. For the first few years, it was just Emmett and Rose who dined with her; after Riley weaseled his way into both her heart and her business, he and Felicia joined the group; and this month, Alice and Jasper were immediately brought into the fold.

Emmett guffawed in response to Bella's tone. "Are you about to break the news that you have cancer?"

Everyone around Bella's perfectly arranged dinner table snickered. Despite Bella maintaining her icy demeanor, they all knew she most definitely wasn't suffering from a disease. It wasn't like her to be such a drama queen, so when Emmett stilled, everyone else followed suit.

"What's going on, honey?" Felicia (née Felix) was the first to express concern before taking a bite of the take-out dinner (Bella didn't cook; in the kitchen, she was a fire hazard waiting to happen).

With a dramatic huff followed by a sigh (she may not act the part often, but she sure nailed the role of drama queen this time), Bella plopped down into her seat at the head of the rather full table.

"There's a guy…"

"It's about time," Rose and Riley declared at the same time, which brought on a race to yell "jinx" first.

Each believed the other was the loser and wanted confirmation from the others. To some, this battle may have been over nothing more than a Coke; but to Rose and Riley, this was competition, and competition was something from which neither backed down, especially when against the other. Rose and Riley might as well have been siblings, considering they often bickered over trivial matters; they even had the same coloring – hazel eyes and dark blonde hair (although, Rose's hairdresser lightened hers to an almost white blonde).

Once the argument had been settled (they each agreed to buy the other a Coke) and after Emmett cleared his throat, attention returned to the often-taciturn Bella.

"So who is this guy?" a bouncing Alice asked. She had a sneaking suspicion that her brother was the holder of Bella's affections, the thought of which caused Alice's enthusiasm.

Bella desperately wanted to avoid answering such a direct question; she needed their advice before she revealed her mystery man's identity. So she bought herself a few seconds by stuffing a large piece of steak into her mouth.

But it didn't matter what she wanted because that's never how life goes.

Riley perked up. "It's Edward Cullen, isn't it? The moment you two met, I could tell there was something there. You reacted to him in a way I've never seen before. And you're putting in an obscene amount of effort trying to send him out on dates. Could it be that you've been desperate to find him a match because you won't allow yourself to consider him as an option for yourself?"

Six pairs of eyes, belonging to six suddenly impatient and prying dinner guests, swiveled to Bella. Her silence was as loud a confirmation as any of them required.

"We can be sisters," Alice squealed. Sensing Bella's discomfort over Alice's zero-to-sixty jump from friendship to happily ever after, Jasper clutched his new bride to his side, instantly silencing her.

Frustrated, Bella buried her head in her hands and groaned. She was starting to reconsider including Alice and Jasper this particular month. Truth be told, Alice was Bella's only link to Edward's psyche, and the trip to Las Vegas had given Bella the resolve to investigate possibly taking her friendship with Edward to another level.

Conversation continued around Bella while she regained her composure.

Finally, a very flustered Bella blurted, "Yes, okay. It's Edward, and I don't have a clue what to do about it. I mean, he hired me to find him his lifelong mate, not to mention the fact that we're friends. How do I get from being his matchmaker and friend to something more? And do I want something more? How can I be sure it'll work? I'd be flying blind, which I don't like. What do I do?"

Bella may have been rambling, but she brought up valid concerns, especially considering she was "flying blind" where Edward was concerned. (Alice and Jasper weren't privy to the secret behind Bella's gift – i.e. that there was a gift to begin with – but they were aware that Bella "just got a feeling" about perfect matches and hadn't ever sensed it about herself or Edward.)

Riley cut through the crap and focused on the question they'd all thought at one time or another since Edward and Bella met. "Have you ever thought that maybe you two belong together?"

Bella had considered that she and Edward were destined to be together. But it was in a middle-school-Edward-plus-Bella-equals-love kind of way.

Conversations broke out around her, all of which were about one thing – getting Bella and Edward together. Bella's ears perked up at certain words, and her attention would shift from one conference to another.

Eventually, all morphed into one, and Riley and Felicia described a simple plan intended to force Edward's hand – make him shit or get off the pot, so to speak.

"She's an actress and can do all the things he's bound to hate, right?" Alice bounced with evil glee before cackling like an evil witch… or an oft-tortured younger sister.

"Definitely. She has a bunch of wigs and loves fucking with her makeup, too…" Felicia responded to Alice.

Alice's question and Felicia's response alerted Bella. A loud groan left her mouth just as she again buried her head in her hands and shook it. "This is horrible, you guys. You can't expect me to willingly take part in this, right?"

In lieu of an answer, Rose asked, "Do you love him?"

Bella hadn't ever considered whether her feelings ran as deep as love. The answer came to Bella within milliseconds, though.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do," Bella confidently announced to a chorus of squeals.

"Then you know what?" Rose began. "You've helped all of us find our other halves. We're returning the favor. We're going to get you your man, even if we have to do it in an unconventional – and some would say underhanded – way." (Rose belonged to the "All's Fair in Love and War" school of thought, so she found nothing wrong with their conniving.)

With an eye roll and a peeved sigh, Bella stood. "You guys continue plotting. I am going to start cleaning up and getting desert ready. The less I know, the better."

Bella may have acted as if she didn't want any part of this plan, but internally she cheered and hoped their machinations paid off.

~oOo~

For the next few days, Riley and Felicia worked on every detail, ensuring that Edward's date would be the disaster of all disasters. They even enlisted Rose in their scheme, who polled her friends what they felt were both the biggest turn-offs and the biggest killers on a first date.

Rose's friends didn't disappoint.

The date planning team avoided asking Alice for intel on her brother; her peals of maniacal laughter at Bella's dinner made it clear she would seek nothing more than a little bit of sibling revenge. Not that there was anything wrong with that…

~oOo~

While Rose spent the afternoon plotting last-minute details with Riley and Felicia, Emmett joined Edward at his best friend's for a baseball game.

Seth, Emmett, and Edward huddled around enough food to feed a small country while throwing jeers at San Francisco's batters.

"Guys, I forgot to tell you – I've got to leave around 5PM to get ready for another date," Edward revealed with a weary sigh. These dates were beginning to take a toll on Edward, both emotionally and physically.

While Emmett participated in a round of "That sucks, man…" with Seth, internally he was chuckling for he had a very good idea what disasters potentially awaited.

Casual conversation followed as the game progressed. Topics remained light until Emmett unexpectedly blurted, "So what's up with you and my sister? You guys sure hang out a lot…"

Was he being nosy? Yeah, but Emmett loved his sister and desired that she find her own happiness. And if she desired Edward, then Emmett would scheme (lie, cheat, and steal, too?) to bring a smile to her face.

Emmett considered his question innocuous, but Edward sensed a threat and visibly paled. Oh fuck, it's probably written all over my face. Emmett's going to whack me for whacking off to thoughts of Bella!

Seth teased Edward. "Does someone have a crush?" This was the first Seth had heard about Bella; though, he'd heard about some "matchmaking chick" – Seth's words. Anyway, it wasn't like the guys sat around gossiping about boys while braiding each other's hair.

At Edward's continued silence, Seth added, "Is she hot?"

"I heard that," Claire, Seth's wife, wryly called out before trotting into the living room and lightly smacking Seth on the head.

Claire was used to similar comments from her husband, not that she was worried. The couple married young, but they communicated better than most and didn't discourage the other's occasionally wandering eye. Married, not buried! She even initiated a subscription to Playboy years earlier. Needless to say, Seth often sang her praises. Besides, Claire would be the first to admit (and readily so) that she admired the opposite sex and had no qualms about checking out a guy's tight butt while she was in the presence of Seth.

Claire entered the living room and on the coffee table placed her reinforcement tray of beers and snacks, which the boys wasted no time in swarming. (Seriously, where did they put away all that food?)

After Seth downed his beer, he focused his attention from the game back to the topic of Bella. "Is that the chick that's sending you out on all of these shitty dates?"

"Oh yeah, that's the one," Emmett supplied with a chuckle. "And to answer your earlier question, she gets hit on all the time, so I guess she's hot. But she's my sister, so you know…" A shudder worked its way through Emmett's body, causing all to laugh, save Edward who pictured a naked Bella in his mind.

Without wasting a beat (and to get a reaction) as he turned to Edward, Emmett added, "Have you thought about going out with Bella? You guys would make a cute couple."

Seth and Claire glanced at one another before turning their attention on Em and staring at him like he had an alien growing out of his head.

"Did you just use the word 'cute' and use it in relation to a couple? Are we going to sit around in a circle holding hands and singing kumbayah? Men, we've got a baseball game to watch. So man up and stop gossiping like a bunch of old biddies," Claire declared like a hardened football coach giving an impassioned halftime speech to his losing team.

The boys took her advice and focused on the game, but Emmett's goal was accomplished – all of their talk planted the seed into Edward's brain that would spur him to ask Bella on a date. After he went out with another woman first…

Claire supplied a pep talk to Edward as he prepared to leave, offering a woman's perspective whenever he wanted it. She wished Edward luck on his date before whispering, "I hope it ends early so you can confess your feelings to Bella."

Edward nodded because he hoped for the same result that evening.

~oOo~

Edward fidgeted in his seat while he waited for his date to arrive.

Unlike his previous dates, he and Bella hadn't spoken before it was set, nor had he spoken to her since. Everything had been arranged through Riley, and he did things a little differently than Bella (or so Edward assumed). Where Bella had taken a very hands-on approach with Edward, Riley kept contact (and information) to a minimum. Of course, Edward wouldn't have any reason to think Riley's actions were out of the norm.

As instructed, Edward wore jeans and a green shirt so his date could identify him, not that she needed the help – Riley had already emailed her a picture of Edward. It was merely a ruse to keep Edward off the scent that this date was nothing more than a set up.

Time ticked away, and Edward began to believe he'd been stood up, that is until an unattractive woman proceeded to walk towards him.

As she bounded towards him, Edward cringed. Edward wished that she worked for the restaurant and was coming to tell him his date wasn't showing. But she continued to near him.

Now, Edward Cullen wasn't the type of guy to be concerned with outward appearances; however, the woman in front of him had a mullet, mustache, and man hands. Oh, and she was built like an NFL lineman. Though, it was the man hands Edward couldn't ignore.

Edward couldn't believe his poor luck and how it repeated itself over and over again.

"Hi, Edward," she declared as Edward covertly inspected her neck, looking for the tell-tale sign of an Adam's apple.

Her certainty to his identity managed to creep out Edward. Is she stalking me – how else would she know who I was? (He had forgotten about his green shirt.)

With her mustache framing a wide smile, she added, "I'm Sam—"

She continued to speak, but Edward couldn't pay attention to anything other than her masculine features. Truth be told, Edward wanted to run away, say that he wasn't Edward, anything. But that's not the man Edward's parents raised.

While she stood silently in front of him (Sam had ceased speaking), Edward stared at Sam, noticing the crinkles around her eyes and mouth and the deep lines on her forehead. Edward didn't have a problem with older women, but there was a difference between "a little bit older" and "cougar". He never considered himself a chaser of a cougar's affections, and he wasn't about to start now.

Be polite and get through the date… "Uh, hi. Sam? It's good to meet you. Did you have any problem finding this place?" They'd met at a Normal Heights-area bar that he'd missed the first few times he drove by its blank edifice.

Edward was visibly uncomfortable. Sam wanted to giggle, but she couldn't break from character. So Sam first waved at the bartender like he was an old friend, followed by a second wave to an even older woman loitering by the entrance.

In response to Edward's confused expression, Sam piped up, "That's my mom. I lost my license after getting all those DUIs," she casually stated. "And now my car has an intoxilyzer on it. My BAL was always too high whenever I wanted to drive, so my mom drives me around now. Don't worry – she'll stay over there and give us all the privacy we could ever want. She knows not to cramp my style."

Sam wondered as she suppressed a smile, How did I get through that with a straight face?

Edward didn't know whether to be confused by her word choice or nauseous at the implication that she and Edward would need any privacy.

Deciding to ignore the innuendo, Edward inquired, "Your BAL?"

As if she didn't have a care in the world, Sam responded, "You know, blood alcohol level."

Edward contemplated throwing his manners out the window and running from this bad car accident of a date. Maybe Sam could read his mind because she prevented him from bolting. She grabbed his hand with one of her paws and led Edward to a secluded booth before scooting across its bench, Edward still in tow.

With drinks already ordered and delivered, the two sat silently. A few agonizing minutes passed, and the only sounds heard in their booth were crunching pretzels and ice. He couldn't get over how tiny he felt in her presence.

Sam, acting as if she wasn't aware of his discomfort, began running through a list of hot-button topics that everyone knows are supposed to be avoided on first, second, and third dates – religion, politics, and reproduction.

"What are your thoughts on organized religion? I'm a Wiccan myself, and I love to introduce new people to it all the time. You should join my coven."

"The idea of government is so twentieth century. Don't you agree that we should all be allowed to do whatever we want?"

"I intend to have a bunch of kids. I know I'm not a spring chicken, so I'm planning on having a bunch of eggs fertilized at once. I think that Octomom is an inspiration. Hey, maybe you can be the donor?"

Throughout their stunted conversation (how was he supposed to reply to all of that?), Edward contemplated what he would say to Bella when he called her after this date. He didn't have a chance to give it much thought – Sam's mom interrupted things by plopping herself in their booth and making introductions.

Without a second thought, Edward claimed it was nearing his bedtime (a glance at his watch would convince him try to a different excuse; it was only 7:00PM), and he rushed to his car.

Searching for his phone, Edward settled into his seat before dialing Bella.

As he pulled away from the dive bar, the line began to ring.

When the line connected, Edward declared with a flat voice void of emotion, "You're fired."


	11. Chapter 11

Bella Swan prided herself on being one of those women who didn't wait at home on a Saturday night for a guy to call. Hell, she neversat around hoping to hear from her latest crush.

But this Saturday was different than all the rest. And the boy in question was more than a crush.

From the minute she expected Edward would have arrived at the bar to meet Sam, Bella anxiously sweated out the minutes until his ringtone filled her not-so-silent living room. (In an effort to divert her attention, Bella tuned in the Game Show Network, figuring the mindless entertainment would do its job. It hadn't.)

When his call finally came, it managed to scare the living daylights out of Bella, and she fumbled with her phone before finally answering it.

Just as Bella was about to greet Edward, he blurted, "You're fired." He followed the terse dismissal with a quietly muttered, "Shit, I totally fucked that up."

Conflicting emotions flooded Bella. She wanted to reach through the phone and hug Edward – it was clear he was struggling to find the right words. But she also wanted to smack him upside the head for firing her – she'd never been fired, and it stung. Instead, she remained silent as Edward decided what he wanted to say and how he would deliver the words.

With a heavy sigh, Edward started again. "Let me try that one more time. Bella, I have appreciated your assistance and friendship, but – and I mean this in the nicest possible way – you are the worst matchmaker. Ever."

Although she should've been insulted, Bella wasn't because, where Edward was concerned, she was the worst matchmaker. Of course, there wasn't any way that Edward could tell what images flitted through her mind. Nor could he know that his last set-up had been a set up...

"Wow, can I say anything right tonight?" Edward huffed. "I'm just going to cut to the chase. I don't want to go on anymore dates with strange women. I'd like the opportunity to court you instead."

Bella tried to remain calm, but she couldn't contain the girlish giggling caused by Edward's sincere and old-fashioned words. Holy shit! He wants me to date me!

While an excited Bella danced silently and triumphantly around her living room, Edward wanted to shoot himself – he had intended to ease into telling her of his desires (his G-rated ones, of course…there would be time in the future for his R- and X-rated desires). However, Edward wasn't known for being Rico Sauve, and he thought she was laughing athis words, so he resumed his self-flagellating monologue.

"No, why would you want to date me?"

As she slid across the foyer's tile alá Tom Cruise in Risky Business, Bella skidded to a sudden halt. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" she shouted. "Shut your mouth, mister! I would love to be courted by you, but don't you think we should go on a real date first?"

Bella wanted to add, I have a sneaking suspicion "court" equals "take things slow". Can't we act like adults and skip the "getting to know you" phase of the relationship?

Edward heard the genuine smile in her voice and carefully considered his response. "But my intentions are to do more than date you."

Bella beamed, considering the loaded meaning behind his message.

"Can we have this conversation in person, Bella? I don't want to do this over the phone; and to be honest, I really want to see you."

A huge smile spread across Bella's face, and she immediately answered in the affirmative. It was then Bella remembered that, before turning on the Game Show Network, she had been cleaning her condo and hadn't showered or changed since beginning.

"Uh, can you give me at least 20 minutes?"

With the call over, Bella began sprinting around the living room, grabbing her cleaning supplies so she could put them away. The only problem, though, was that Bella seemed to lose all focus as the minutes ticked by; few of the items found their homes.

While Bella became increasingly disorganized organizing, Edward focused and sped his Mercedes up Interstate 805. Twenty minutes seemed like an eternity to him, and odds were he would've had to inch along the freeway for the trip to take that long.

Much to Edward's surprise, the curb in front of Bella's condo was empty and waiting for him. He chuckled to himself, Maybe the gods are finally giving me a break.

Edward rang the doorbell and heard a muffled shriek of frustration behind the door before Bella revealed herself.

Both wore matching, nervous grins, but when their eyes met, the nervous grins morphed into love-struck grins.

Taking in her appearance, Edward didn't notice the rat's nest atop her head, the dirty, holey, and torn clothing on her body, the shine of dried perspiration on her skin, or her slightly musky scent. As if he'd never seen her before, all Edward noticed was a luminous beauty that he desperately wanted to kiss, touch, and be near.

"Hi," both blurted at the same time, which caused them both to laugh and effectively broke the tension of the moment.

As she moved out of his way, Edward said, "You look beautiful, Bella."

With a genuine smile that led to crinkling around her eyes, Bella thanked him. Then a mirror caught her eye, and Bella groaned at the reflected image. "Ugh, Edward. I'm sorry about this mess," Bella apologized with a wave around the room and herself. "I don't get a lot of cleaning time during the week, so Saturdays are the day. It must be the same for you, right?" Am I talking to Edward about when I clean? Can I be more of a moron?

Bella slightly shook her head before offering Edward a drink. (Although Bella prided herself on being the hostess with the mostest, at this moment she needed something to occupy her hands and help quell her anxiety.)

"I can assist you. That is, if you need it…"

The two moved into her kitchen, where Edward spied root beer in her fridge. "You don't have vanilla ice cream by any chance? A root beer float sounds great."

Bella peered at Edward curiously and nodded. The awkwardness of their meeting quickly dissipated soon thereafter – Bella dropped a can of root beer and absent-mindedly opened it, the can erupting like a violent volcano all over the two and the kitchen's floor and countertops.

Both laughed cathartically and talked about nothing of importance while they cleaned the sticky mess. Bella insisted on washing Edward's shirt (because she wanted to ogle his chest), but Edward assured her it wasn't necessary. Little of the root beer landed on Bella, which disappointed Edward. Her t-shirt was both thin and white, and surely cleaning it would render it see-through. That image cemented itself in Edward's mind, and he discreetly readjusted his growing erection.

They worked seamlessly together, the body of each moving around the other as if their souls spoke to one another. Of course, their souls had already made their intentions and feelings clear; now, if only these two clueless kids could follow suit…

Armed with root beer floats, they returned to Bella's living room and sat on opposite ends of the plush, burgundy, micro-suede couch.

Then entirely out of the blue, Edward informed Bella that he'd had a crush on her since they met, which made Bella blush and hush.

"Is something wrong?" a worried Edward asked as soon as her cheeks became tinged with pink.

Bella wasn't much of a blusher, but realizing Edward thought of her as more than a friend for as long as he had only made the rosy color spread across her chest.

"Um, the feeling's been mutual," she quietly answered as she peered into Edward's eyes. He held her gaze, moving towards her and pushing a few of her many stray hairs behind her ear.

Oh. My. God. He's going to kiss me, he's going to kiss me, he's going to kiss me. Okay, Bella, just breathe and let him take the lead.

The kiss never came because, although they'd passed one hurdle, kissing was another hurdle over which Edward wasn't ready to jump.

For the first time since they met, Edward noticed the tiny flower tattooed on Bella's ankle, which was crossed in her lap. With the lightest of strokes, Edward's fingers ghosted over the colored skin on her ankle. His touch sent electricity through her body, which she felt acutely in her core. She swallowed deeply and fought back a groan as Edward sensually caressed the delicate pink daisy.

"It was something I got years ago. A few friends and I drove past a tattoo parlor one evening and decided to take the plunge. It's stupid." Thoroughly embarrassed at what she considered a youthful indiscretion, Bella buried her face in her hands.

"No, it's not. Any other woman would've gone with the clichéd red rose, but not you, Bella. You're unique, and you usually don't give a shit what others think, so please don't hide your pretty face from me."

He continued to trail his fingers on her skin, adding, "I think it's perfect, just like you."

It had been too long since Bella got laid, and his words almost caused Bella to straddle him and have her wicked way with him. Unfortunately, reason ruled, and Bella changed the subject.

"You know what we must do?"

In response, Edward shrugged.

"We need to replace Steel Magnolias as your favorite film. It's time we begin educating you about quality movies. First up, my favorite film." Continuing, Bella's voice took on the plastic tone of a game show host (watching the Game Show Network all day will do that to a person), "1971's The French Connection, winner of five Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Actor for its esteemed star, Gene Hackman."

Bella jumped up, grabbed the DVD and loaded it, and turned down the lights before positioning herself in her previous location.

"I insist that you give those old ladies the respect they're due," Edward mock demanded.

As they both fell into a fit of uncontrollable laughter at the absurdity of this on-going movie debate, Edward's fingers tightened around Bella's ankle, unintentionally silencing them again.

She's luminous, and her skin is softer than rabbit's fur. I bet having her wrapped around my body will feel comfier than anything else on this planet. Maybe if I just lean in a little more, pull her leg around my hips, and press my lips to her mouth…

Too bad Twentieth Century Fox's introductory music to the movie filled the silence of the darkened room. They jumped apart like two teens necking on her parents' couch. Fucking movie cockblocking…

~oOo~

For the remainder of the evening, neither spoke of Edward's intention of courting Bella, which was surprising considering one of them would pause the movie every few minutes to discuss movie details or the weather or world affairs. Eventually, they fell asleep, their bodies seeking the other – Edward curled himself around Bella's slumbering form, and her limbs gripped him tight in response.

~oOo~

Early the next morning, Edward awoke after enjoying the most glorious dream imaginable; consciousness then alerted him that it wasn't a dream. Bella lay in his arms. Lest he disturb her and possibly end this moment of bliss, he quietly chuckled as he took in her appearance – her chestnut-colored, wavy tresses were more mussed than the night before, and her shorts and t-shirt revealed far more skin than their makers probably intended.

Edward dipped his nose into her hair and inhaled, reveling in her scent before falling asleep again.

~oOo~

A few hours later, a sweaty Bella awoke frustrated at the heavy blanket that encased her. Only it wasn't a blanket. It was Edward, and his body wasn't making her sweaty in the way she'd prefer. Bella forgot about her "blanket" as she imagined getting down and dirty with Edward. She recognized the horny flutter in her body and the wetness coating her folds, which were the result of her particularly hawt reverie.

She would've loved to remain sweaty in his arms all morning, but her bladder had different ideas. Extricating herself from his clutches, Bella snuck upstairs and completed her morning routine.

When Bella returned downstairs and saw Edward continued to sleep, she checked her fridge for something to make for breakfast, not that she could do much more than toast and butter some bread.

Edward rose as Bella pulled strawberry jam – Edward's favorite – from her fridge.

"Good morning," he whispered to avoid scaring her. When Bella, whose wet hair remained down around her shoulders, turned to him, Edward gasped at the simplicity of her beauty. Her hair appeared almost black and contrasted dramatically from her creamy skin, which held a natural blush at the apples of her cheeks. "Wow, how do you manage to always look so good?"

At the compliment, Bella began to glow.

They shared a comfortable breakfast over toast and coffee and agreed to go on a first date the following evening. (Edward may have put a moratorium on weeknight dates arranged by Bella, but nothing would stop him from seeing Bella as often as possible.)

~oOo~

All Monday morning, Bella couldn't focus on the new client bio that sat on her desk. Luckily, Emmett called, and she always appreciated her brother's jovial nature.

Emmett didn't mess around with greetings. "So my little Swan Princess, where's he taking you?"

How the fuck does he know?

"You are such a gossipy thing, aren't you? Who blurted?"

Emmett guffawed. "Riley claims he needs reinforcements because you've locked yourself in your office." Bella huffed and considered marching out to Riley and giving him a piece of her mind. "I know you well enough to know he was full of bullshit. But I am concerned that I'm hearing about this date from someone other than my sister."

She laughed in response. "Only you would be 'concerned' that you're hearing about a date from someone other than the source."

"So where will you be having this first magical date?"

"How does Rose put up with you? 'Magical date?' I might vomit. But I have no idea. He told me to dress casually and to wear jeans."

"Well, you have nothing to worry about. He's enamored with you. Totally obvious. But if you fuck this up, I'll choose him over you – he brings Seth and Claire to the table, and they're awesome. Though, you're never going to meet her. You know, just in case she doesn't belong with Seth."

"You're such a sweet and loving brother, Emmett," Bella deadpanned.

They gabbed like two pubescent girls for a few minutes until Bella declared that she had to get back to work, which really meant she was getting back to wasting time until it was time to leave to get ready for her date.

~oOo~

When Edward arrived early that evening, he presented Bella with a single gardenia. She was only slightly shocked that he remembered her favorite scent.

"Where to?" Bella inquired when he joined her after closing her car door.

"About that – I was hoping you'd be willing to cover your eyes?"

After he handed her the silk tie, Bella flashed Edward a sly smile. "You're a kinky one, aren't you?"

The blush covered Edward from head to toe, but he couldn't deny that he liked to mix things up in the bedroom…


	12. Chapter 12

Edward Cullen didn't plan extravagant dates. Hell, Edward didn't even plan dates, really. But this date was different than all the rest, and it was with a woman he didn't want to disappoint.

The exact moment Bella agreed to Edward's request that he be allowed to court her, brilliance struck, and he had decided where to take her on that first date – Edward would bring Bella to his favorite place, which was a location he'd never taken another soul. Some might worry that introducing another person to this sacred place of his might eventually tarnish it…when they eventually broke up…

However, Edward didn't fear for the eventual breakup because Bella was "it" for him, and the only snag would be if Bella didn't feel similarly, but he wasn't too worried.

With an odd combination of trepidation and cockiness, Edward drove a veiled Bella along a winding and non-direct route. Edward's "security measures" made it seem almost as if he were taking a reporter to meet with a warlord in hiding – he didn't want to risk her finding out where they were going before the big reveal.

And then the taunting began.

"Do you have any idea where I'm taking you?" Edward inquired.

Bella smirked. "No, but if you're driving me to Mexico and intend to sell me into slavery, you should know I won't fetch a high price. Really, who wants a sex slave in her thirties?"

Fuck! First, she makes that comment about me being kinky, and now she talks about being a sex slave? How am I supposed to get through this date without sporting massive wood? Shit, how am I supposed to get through this date without ripping off her clothes and having my wicked way with her? And it's not like I need more images for whacking off…

Those thoughts manifested themselves as Edward let a strangled groan-giggle escape his mouth, which was loud enough for Bella to catch, causing her to smirk again. Two can play this game!

With a throat clearing, Edward spoke again. "Not Mexico. We're heading north."

"Then why does my body tell me we've turned south?"

Bella had a keen sense of direction thanks to numerous camping trips with her father over the years. During most of these trips, the Chief would drop Bella and Emmett in the middle of nowhere and then challenge them to make their way back to camp with nothing more than a compass and their camp's coordinates. After the first of many such challenges, Renee forbid them from ever again divulging the details of their wilderness activities – she was a momma bear to the core who always worried about her children's safety.

As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss, and it was ignorance that helped Renee sleep on those lonely nights without her family.

On this day, Bella drew upon that particular skill set as Edward made turn after turn. The sun warmed Bella's right side in the comforting way that only an afternoon sun could, making it easier to reacquaint herself whenever Edward took a right or left.

And because Bella was correct when she declared they were heading south, Edward circled around one more block before heading north towards their final destination – Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve.

Bella made guess after guess, each of which Edward shot down. "If I get it right, are you going to tell me?"

"You'll never figure it out, so what's the point?"

Under her breath, Bella grumbled, which caused Edward to chuckle. She hated – hated – losing control, and everything about Edward meant she'd have to surrender to someone or something else. Truth be told, everything about Edward exhilarated her, though.

"Can you give me a hint? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?" she whined.

"Sure. You've never been there before."

"That's sorta fucked up, Edward. There are tons of places I've never been." Bella sounded like a petulant child, well, a potty-mouthed, petulant child. "I can name a hundred places within San Diego County I've never visited. Just starting with all of the car dealerships around, I could probably hit 500 places. A little more direction…"

"It's not a car dealership."

Bella cocked her head towards Edward before pursing her lips and rolling her eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me, Swan."

She laughed. "You saw that?"

"Your lips make that expression only when you roll your eyes," Edward confided with a slight blush. He was thankful she couldn't see him right now.

It surprised Bella that Edward had memorized her face and expressions like that. Lord knows Edward paid it enough attention when they were together and imagined it for countless hours when apart. (And not only when he was rubbing one out.)

Before Bella had a chance to complain about the time it took to drive there (thanks to his circuitous route), Edward slowed to a stop and parked the car.

"Wait here, I'll be around in a sec to help you out."

Luckily, no one was in the parking lot; Edward wouldn't want people to think Bella had been kidnapped and was about to plunge to her death. He opened the back and grabbed his bag and blanket he brought along. With a thud, Edward shut the trunk and took a deep breath.

"Madame, may I have your hand?" Edward asked gallantly.

It was her turn to take a deep breath. This gentlemanly behavior and the tie are so fucking hot. Butterflies fluttered in Bella's stomach, and her panties dampened slightly. Then their fingers touched, causing Bella to shiver.

"I'll guide you, but you're going to have to be careful while we're walking. I don't want to unmask you until we're there. But if you stumble a bit, we'll remove the tie. Okay, Bella?"

In that way that drove Edward crazy, Bella bit her lip. "Um, do you promise not to molest me?"

What the hell, Bella? Did you just make a second inappropriate comment related to sex? And really, don't you want him to molest you?

Trying to cover up this quasi party foul, Bella quickly added, "Or push me to my death?" (Bella could smell the ocean and figured he'd brought them to some cliffs.)

The comment didn't get past Edward, and he found himself adjusting himself.

For now, it would probably be better for her not to see his problem because it was about to get worse.

"I'm going to put my hands on your hips. Will that help?"

Gulp.

"Uh-huh." Yep, Bella had been rendered virtually speechless once her mind pictured it. Parts of her throbbed in response.

~oOo~

Their hike was taking more than twice the amount of time it should've taken, but it didn't matter. The conversation was light and enjoyable, and both were content to have Edward's hands on Bella's body, his hands squeezing her affectionately whenever she stumbled. More than once (and against his dick's better judgment), Edward suggested they remove the tie, but Bella fought against her inhibitions and shooed him off (though, it would've been a fight if he removed his hands).

They continued trudging across the slightly rough terrain.

"Here's the deal, Bella. I'm going to take this off, but it's because we've gotta climb through some bushes."

Bella interrupted him – she hadn't spent time and effort on her hair only for it to get mussed that way. "Say, what?" At least she dressed appropriately, as instructed.

Edward was sure the reveal would make all of their efforts worth it, so he said the only thing that came to mind, "Trust me."

And with that, Bella's shoulders relaxed. "Okay," she murmured.

"Now, you need to promise me that you won't look around until we're through to the clearing," a grinning Edward demanded.

"You've dragged me to the end of the world, and you're worried about me looking around?" she joked.

"Then follow me." Edward unknotted the tie, and as soon as Bella opened her eyes, she squinted and groaned from the ocular pain caused by the still-bright sun.

Expertly, Edward led her through brush. It thinned, and Bella could see sky above and ahead of them.

A whoosh of air escaped Bella's lips as soon as she tunneled through. Yes, the edge of a cliff stood in front of them; however, they found themselves in a meadow surrounded by a perimeter of almost-impenetrable chaparral. The sun was just beginning its descent towards the ocean, where the cool, Pacific water would extinguish its flames for another day.

"Wow," she whispered reverently.

Edward wanted to high-five her because her reaction was exactly what he hoped for. Instead, he grabbed her hand and lightly pulled her toward the center, where he removed a blanket from his bag and laid it before them.

"What is this place? And where is this place?"

"Do you like?" Edward asked, leaving her questions unanswered.

"It's perfect."

"This isn't everything. I also have," Edward paused, his arms diving into the bag and returning with a few tupperware containers, "dinner for us." He continued taking things out of his bag, spreading food, drinks, silverware, and an electric lamp around and between them.

They munched on food, drank good wine, and laughed. Meanwhile, the sun set, and the stars began to shine above them.

"Tell me about this place, Edward."

Edward fiddled with his hair and turned towards her, as she crisscrossed her legs and focused on him.

"Alice pestered me when we were younger. She always wanted to do what I was doing, but she was so young. I didn't want her around. So I often grabbed Paul, our family dog, and would take him on hikes. Yes, I know dogs aren't allowed—"

"Edward Cullen broke the law? Shut. Up."

"It happens. Now, Paul and I—"

"We're returning to that name, just so you know."

"Bella…"

She giggled in response. Bella enjoyed giving Edward a hard time, metaphorically of course…for now.

"I liked to let him off-leash. Paul ran off from me, and I couldn't find him. After about thirty minutes, I heard his bark and followed the sound. And then I found," Edward paused, spreading his arms and motioning around himself, "this. I've never taken another person here. Whenever I need to think or just get away, I head up here. And if I'm out here hiking, I make sure to stop by this spot."

"And where, exactly, is here?"

"Oh, we're in Torrey Pines State Park."

"Really? I never would've guessed that." Bella marveled in the most reverent tone, "This place is so tranquil; it's like I'm not even in the city. Wow. Thanks for sharing it with me."

Bella pulled her knees up and hugged her body close. When she closed her eyes and took a relaxing breath, Edward sighed in relief. He could get used to having her company when he ascended the path toward their meadow, not that Edward considered it theirs. But one day, he hoped he could.

Suddenly, Bella jumped up and began spinning around with her arms extended at her sides.

"The stars here are so much brighter than I've ever seen in San Diego outside of the mountains and desert. How is that even possible?"

Edward considered her question for a moment. "I guess we're in a less densely populated area because we're surrounded by park and ocean. Maybe that's why?"

"You're probably right," Bella agreed. She continued to spin until dizziness took hold. Immediately, Bella ceased her movement, but her body swayed in reaction to the messages her brain was sending it. "Fuck, I shouldn't have done that. My head's whirling in circles, and I think I'm about to lose my—"

With a thud, Bella fell onto her ass.

"Balance. Ow." After she rubbed her behind a few times, Bella began to giggle uncontrollably.

As soon as it slowed, Edward decided that this would be the moment he finally kissed her. He shifted himself closer and was considering turning her face towards him, when fate stepped in. Bella jerked her head up suddenly, and their foreheads slammed into one another.

Cockblocked again. Yeah,

"Shit, Bella. You've got a hard head. I'm liable to get a monster bruise from that."

"My head is heard? You're toting a granite slab on your shoulders. How did you not crack my skull open?"

Bella's laughing returned, and Edward soon copied her actions.

I guess I'll have to try that later, Edward resolved.

~oOo~

Something about lying on a blanket as she gazed on the bright stars above her made Bella philosophical. Even as she enjoyed their date, Bella continued to struggle with a niggling thought – that she couldn't see his tie. It didn't help that she couldn't see her own. This combination meant – to her – Edward wasn't her perfect match. Of course, Bella wasn't able to conceive of the idea that she would have to be like every other person when it came to relationships – she couldn't predict whether she belonged with the man she desired.

Eventually, Bella pushed those thoughts out of her mind by thinking about how they got to this place. A smirk formed across Bella's lips, and she almost laughed. Her treachery was a secret she planned to take to her grave…or their fiftieth wedding anniversary when divorcing her would be too much effort.

"You look like the cat that ate the canary," Edward commented after he glanced at Bella.

Her grin widened. "Nope, I'm just happy to be here."

Edward didn't believe her, as he shouldn't. "Bullshit. That's not a happy smile. That's an 'I've got a secret, and I'm not gonna tell you' smile. So what're you hiding from me?"

"Nothiiiing."

Instead of saying another word, Edward stared down Bella.

"Fine. I, uh, well, you know how, well, uh," she stammered.

"Out with it."

Edward chuckled. "Come again?"

"I may have sabotaged your last few dates."

As Bella bit her lip and looked on him with sad, repentant eyes, Edward didn't know whether to throttle her neck or kiss her senseless.

Oh, who was he kidding? Edward desperately wanted to kiss her senseless. Bella most definitely wanted Edward to hiss her – she was beginning to wonder if it was possible to get blue balls from not kissing. Without wasting a second to think about being pissed at Bella for sending him on dates with women who weren't her, he ran his hand from her cheek to her lips. Bella slowly kissed his fingers, which lit the fire under Edward's ass. Finally.

When his face hovered just above hers, Edward slowly pushed his body into her and lightly gripped the back of her neck.

Then, like two magnets, their lips joined with force. Their lips molded perfectly. They kissed passionately, their tongues pressing, fighting for dominance. Hands gripped waists and pulled and ruffled hair. Fingers dug into skin. Teeth clanked in their fury. This kiss culminated months of attraction and desire between them.

The force behind this kiss lessened, and with a few soft, quick pecks, Edward and Bella pulled back from one another.

Their hearts raced, and they breathed hard. Edward opened his eyes first and looked upon Bella. "Have I ever mentioned how beautiful you are?"

Bella opened her eyes wide, and the look she gave him made it seem as if they smiled at him. Shyness kicked in, and Bella murmured a "thank you" to him as she burrowed her head into his chest and hugged him.

Wrapping his arms around her, Edward kissed her hair. "You're welcome. By the way – thank you for ruining my dates."

It wasn't lost on him that his worst and best dates were courtesy of one Bella Swan, Matchmaker. Although that was Edward's only mention of her sabotage that evening, it wouldn't be the last. His mind churned; how many dates did she influence, and how extensive was it?

Comfortably silent, they remained curled in these positions for close to an hour. By tilting up her head to kiss him again, Bella eventually allowed Edward to see her. He could feel Bella's smile and joy when her lips grazed against his.

After a few additional light kisses, Edward and Bella packed up and returned to the real world, leaving their serene meadow behind. They held hands and stumbled a few times (thank you, darkness!) before reaching Edward's car.

"Fuck!" Edward growled, pounding his fist on the steering wheel when they headed toward park's exit.

Bella was looking at Edward, so she had no idea what had caused his ire. Slowly, she turned her head to see locked gates.

"The park closed at sundown, didn't it?" Bella giggled. "How comfortable is that backseat?"

"I'm so glad you're a trooper," Edward exhaled.

They were in for a long night in a small car. There was no telling what effect the close quarters would have…


	13. Chapter 13

Summer break commenced for Edward, who was scheduled to teach two remedial math classes. Considering he could teach the classes in his sleep, Edward didn't require a lot of prep time, which translated to an absurd amount of free time. Time he wanted to spend with Bella. But Bella had a business to run and clients to meet and match. So Edward filled that time completing all those tasks that you say you'll do during vacation, or when the weather is better – landscaping, house spring cleaning, etc. Edward also managed to kidnap Jake (and Nessie, even though he wanted some male bonding) at least twice a week for visits to the dog park, walks, anything that burned calories off the bodies of the squat canines.

Bella sought out spare moments to spend with Edward, and the two fell into a comfortable pattern; most evenings and weekends were devoted to time together.

Turns out getting stuck together in a tight, dark space overnight a few months earlier had had such an effect on these two that they strove to be together all the time.

"Will you be able to manage without me until later tonight?" Bella inquired during one of their many during-the-day phone chats.

Edward anxiously responded, "What do you mean?"

"Don't worry, I'll be over later," Bella assured. She had become accustomed to sleeping smashed against his snoring body, so spending a night alone in bed was not a choice.

She sighed before continuing. "I'm going to have dinner with a client."

It's not that Edward had come to depend on dinner with Bella. After all, she was a horrendous chef, and he cooked when they ate in or forewent takeout. Not to mention, he had fended for himself for over fifteen years. He just enjoyed the quiet moments together, learning all about Bella. Whether they talked or read silently, everything about Bella fascinated him.

At first, Edward's fascination centered on wondering how he managed to convince someone like Bella to give him more than just the time of day. As nights turned into weeks and weeks into months, Edward got over the stupefaction that Bella willingly spent time with him…more or less. Instead, his fascination focused on getting into her brain – figuring out what made her tick and why, when she read, she made these sounds that went straight to his dick.

"Lemme guess – Lauren?"

Bella had bitched to Edward about Lauren many, many times. She was one of Bella's harder to match clients. In her 60s, Lauren was determined to date a man in his 30s, which frustrated Bella to no end. It didn't help that Bella came across her perfect match a few months earlier.

Edward had briefly met Lauren and had only one comment following the encounter. "She realizes she looks nothing like Ivana Trump or Joan Collins, right?"

Again, Bella sighed. "I wish that Lauren and I were having dinner together. I'll tell you about this one when I get home tonight."

Edward's chest warmed at hearing Bella refer to his house as home. It wasn't a conscious choice of words on Bella's part; however, it felt like home wherever Edward was.

After confirming that she would be over by seven, each ended the call.

~oOo~

A few hours later, Bella checked her watch and groaned. This was a meeting she didn't want to have. At least this would be an early dinner, which meant dessert with Edward. Maybe he could be the dessert, Bella thought mischievously.

"Note to self: give Edward a blow job that'll blow his mind." Bella giggled at the pun. "I'll have to remember that while I listen to Mike drone on and on."

Mike Newton wasn't a client yet. If she had her way, he never would be. But the economy being what it was, Bella couldn't handpick them. Investing in a matchmaker was a luxury in which most people didn't partake, good economy or not.

"Time to bite the bullet."

Bella grabbed her purse and keys and left her empty office for an early dinner.

~oOo~

Where are you? ~E

Seven had come and gone, and Bella failed to appear in his foyer. Worried, Edward found himself in front of the TV, unable to focus on any channel for more than a minute.

Bella's response was swift, calming Edward immeasurably.

Wishing I could be where I belonged… ~B

A second text followed soon after.

If he ever shuts up, I'll be there in 30. ~B

The caveman in Edward sat up. He?

Unfortunately for his remote control's "Channel Up" button, a now-grumpy Edward resumed channel surfing.

~oOo~

"Hey honey," Bella murmured when she walked into his living room before untucking her dress shirt, unzipping her skirt, and slipping onto Edward's lap.

Edward cringed. "Why do smell like—" He sniffed and continued. "—Skunk mixed with wet dog?"

Bella could only laugh. "That would be Eau de Mike. This guy, who I am positive would be a perfect match for Jessica – remember her? – insists on meeting with me repeatedly to discuss the contract, the retainer, you name it. I've had other clients who were engineers and wanted to dissect each line of my contract, but none ever insisted on seeing me to nitpick each line."

Mike was, of course, a perfect match for Jessica. In her mind, she could see their ties joining. But Bella had already earned this fee, and she wasn't going to give him anything without payment first.

"But why do you smell like him?"

She practically growled. "Because he's touchy-feely and kept inching his ass around the booth to be closer to me. He's lucky he still has balls."

"Did he lay a finger on you? What's his address? I should have a word with him!"

"He's a sleaze, not a letch. Hrm. Is there really a difference, though?" Bella considered her question for a moment. "Anyway, Mike's harmless. He seems to think I'm going to match him up with myself. Fat chance! I would never do that."

Edward grinned slyly at Bella. "Not like you've never done that before."

With a whack to his arm, Bella countered, "I can leave."

"Nope. Not gonna happen. You're mine now."

Wrapping one arm tightly around her waist, Edward cupped Bella's face and began to kiss her.

Their tongues met and performed a languid dance that only they could perform. Edward loosened his hold on Bella enough so that he could run his fingers under the elastic of her panties. Given the green light by Bella shimmying her hips, Edward's hand slipped between the silk and her skin, and he gripped her ass. Both groaned when his grip pushed her into his growing erection.

Bella pulled from Edward and stood in front of him. Before he could question her, Bella slowly opened the buttons of her shirt, revealing her alabaster skin that seemed to glow.

Of course, her skin only appeared to glow, but Edward's horny brain didn't consider reality – the floor-to-ceiling windows of his living room overlooked the city below. In the low lighting of the room and with the city lights behind her, when coupled as they were this evening, Bella seemed to radiate.

With her shirt quickly discarded, Bella bent towards Edward and pulled his tee over his head. As soon as Bella unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts, Edward lifted his hips so Bella could remove them. She gripped his boxer briefs and pulled them both off, revealing his very erect penis.

Silently, Bella sunk to her knees and licked the precum that pooled at the tip of his penis. During the movement, Bella looked up into his emerald gaze.

Edward groaned, but couldn't close his eyes. The sight in front of him was glorious and the stuff of a teenage boy's wet dreams.

"More," he grunted.

Bella wanted to prolong this BJ, so she lightly teased the tip with the flat of her tongue and laid her hands on his thighs. She knew her blowjobs were heavenly, but Edward usually lasted all of 2.5 seconds inside her mouth.

"Please," he whined.

With a smile, Bella licked his cock from base to end. She then sucked one of his balls into her mouth and fondled the other with the hand that, moments earlier, had torturously trailed up his thigh.

Meanwhile, Edward continued to focus on what he saw and not how it felt. He didn't want to come too fast. During the few blowjobs she'd given him, Edward had been terribly embarrassed with his previously nonexistent issue of premature ejaculation.

As soon as she took all of him into her mouth (he was very average in size), Edward's eyes closed, and he just enjoyed the sensations.

Bella's tongue pressing along the underside of his shaft…

Bella's teeth lightly scraping the ridge along his dick's head…

Bella's hums as her mouth sped up its motion…

Bella's fingers massaging his balls…

Even with masturbating less than an hour before she arrived, Edward couldn't hold off his orgasm for too long.

His hips jerked, and Edward moaned as he came down Bella's throat. She sucked on his dick a few seconds longer, sending almost-painful shivers through his body, before she released his now-flaccid cock.

Bella joined him on the couch and curled into his side, waiting until his breath and heart rate evened.

"Fuck, Bella. That was… Just wow! What did I do to deserve that?"

"I've been thinking about doing that for hours."

"Let's head to bed, and I'll return the favor."

"That sounds lovely," Bella replied. She wished she could call his plan "divine", but Edward had failed to make her come without her aiding him.

Bella led him toward his room, removing her bra and panties along the way. By the time they'd crossed the threshold into his bedroom, she was naked and his cock was already at half mast. Edward snaked an arm around her and spun her around.

They kissed a few times, and then Edward lowered her to his bed. He trailed kisses along her jaw and down her neck. Edward then began to stroke her breast and pulled at her pert nipple and slipped a finger between her wet folds.

"You're already so wet."

Edward spent little time on her breasts, which may have been part of the problem. This time, like all before, Bella had tried to elongate foreplay, but Edward was impatient, and he craved Bella's taste and smell.

He licked her pert buds quickly and then dove – dove! – for her pussy. His ministrations felt lovely and made her writhe beneath him, but no matter how many fingers he moved within her or how he flicked his tongue against her clit, Bella couldn't come.

"Ohhhhh, that feels good. Just like that. Hook your finger… Yeaaaaaaah, just like that."

Nothing Edward did would push Bella over the edge, though. Finally, she took matters into her own hands and told him to focus on her opening. Bella rubbed her clit with varying strengths.

Amazed at her ability to pleasure herself, Edward pulled back a little and watched as Bella's skin flushed red and her finger pressed against her nub harder and harder.

"Ungh, Edwaaaaaard," Bella screamed and orgasmed.

Immediately, Edward moved up Bella's body and held her close. He pushed away the hair that stuck to her sweaty forehead and kissed it softly.

"I love you," Edward whispered.

The words hadn't been declared previously, but they were enough to set off the invisible light bulb over Bella's head. She didn't realize it, but her worries over them not belonging together prevented her from coming; she just couldn't just let go.

But if he loved her, maybe she could reveal her secret and her fears. As soon as she looked into his earnest eyes, she was sure he did love her.

"I love you, too." She paused. Here goes nothing. "Though, I do have something to tell you."

Edward frowned. "It's nothing bad, Edward. It's just, um, weird? Something you won't believe?" They weren't questions, but Bella wasn't sure how best to describe her impending disclosure.

"Okaaay," he said hesitantly.

"This is going to sound like complete bullshit, but I assure you I'm not making this up. So please keep an open mind."

After Edward nodded in acquiescence, Bella continued. "Are you familiar with the hymn Blessed Be the Tie that Binds?" Again Edward nodded, so Bella proceeded. "Well, I can see the tie that binds two people together."

Edward was perplexed. "Come again?"

"When I meet someone, I can see, in my mind, what looks like a string leading from the person. If I meet that person's soul mate, I get an image of those strings joined together."

Bella stopped and waited for Edward to react.

"I don't get it."

"What don't you get, Edward?"

"Does this vision – should I call it a vision? – apply to everyone?"

"'Vision' is fine. And with one exception, yes."

"What's the exception?"

"You. I can't see anything with you. Well, I'm also an exception, but it's always made sense that I couldn't see my own tie. With you, I am entirely blind. It's why I've had such a hard time finding your perfect mate."

Bella couldn't figure out how Edward was handling this revelation. But as soon as he spoke – after what seemed like hours of silence – she wondered if she should've have told him sooner.

"Is there something wrong with me? Wait. You said you're also an exception? So maybe we belong together? Why am I saying 'maybe'? This is life's way of telling us we do belong together."

"I'd like to think you're right."

Bella hadn't considered this before, even though her friends had already suggested it. Hearing it come from Edward's mouth made all the difference.

"So you're not freaked out by this?" Bella asked shyly.

He shrugged. "Do I think you're crazy? Yeah." Bella punched his arm, which only made Edward guffaw after muttering, "Ow! I already thought you were crazy, if it makes you feel better. But am I freaked out? Nah. It makes things like the elopement of Alice and Jasper make sense."

Until well past midnight, Edward peppered Bella with questions about her gift, including whether Celebrity X belonged with Celebrity Y. Needless to say, he was slightly disappointed by Bella's admission that she needed to be in the person's presence for the "magic to happen".

~oOo~

A few days after learning of Bella's news, Edward called Riley because he wanted to surprise Bella with lunch.

"You just missed her. She's meeting with a client for lunch. But they're eating at Sloppy Beau's. I'm positive that Bella would love to see you, especially now that you've been brought into the circle of trust."

Edward chuckled. "She told you, huh?"

"We have few secrets." Edward immediately fretted that Bella spoke about his bedroom inadequacies. "I can just imagine what thoughts are running through your head. Don't worry – we do not discuss certain private matters. Now go meet your gal!"

Edward thanked Riley and immediately drove to Sloppy Beau's – a French/barbeque fusion restaurant that they both loved. What he didn't expect to see through the restaurant's window was someone's hands all over his woman.

Rather than waiting for an explanation (or a hostess to seat him), Edward marched over to them, grabbed the guy by the shoulder, and wrenched him out of the booth.

"Get your hands off her!"

"Did you see the lady complaining?"

"Edward," Bella began with a stern tone, "this is Mike Newton. He just signed a contract with Love Match to find his perfect mate. Mike, this is my boyfriend, Edward."

Mike frowned and slouched back into the booth before Bella continued. "Why don't you join us, Edward?"

Bella figured if she was going to have to endure another meal with Mike, they all should be miserable.

Edward glared at Mike as he seated himself next to Bella, so close that he was practically in her lap.

Luckily, Mike had already signed the contract, meaning he would be Jessica's problem as soon as Bella could arrange a meeting…


	14. Chapter 14

Edward learned very fast that Bella had quite a temper when she was pissed off. Thus far, he'd been fortunate enough that her anger had been aimed at others.

But she was royally pissed off at Edward for showing up at her client lunch. Even though Edward left that lunch with his tail between his legs, Bella's ire hadn't subsided by the evening, and the couple's first fight resulted, which turned out to be a doozey in its own way.

Using her key to his house, Bella stormed through the foyer and into the living room where she found Edward napping on the couch. He's sleeping? How can he sleep? I think he needs a little wake-up call. As much as her heels would allow, Bella stomped back to the front door and reopened it before slamming it shut. The noise jolted Edward awake.

"Bella?" Edward hedged, his voice gravelly with sleep.

"Don't you 'Bella' me, buddy."

Edward was at a loss for words. "Uh…"

Unfortunately for Edward, Bella had just gotten started. Shutting her up before she managed to spew all of the vitriol that built up after lunch would prove to be difficult.

"What the hell, Edward? What made you think you could interrupt a lunch with a client? Do you know how unprofessional that appeared? And what if he hadn't already signed the contract? I would've lost a client. You're fucking with my business. My bottom line! Do you even understand what sort of effect that could've had for me? What effect this could still have? What if Mike spreads a bad word about me? I could be totally screwed. My business will be kaput. Damn it, Edward, why? Just what were you thinking?"

Again, Edward could only say one thing. "Uh…"

"Well?" Bella tapped the toe of her foot on his floor's hard wood.

Finally sitting up, Edward scrubbed his face, attempting to clear his sleep-addled brain.

Inspiration then hit. "Riley told me I could meet up with you two."

That response did not appease Bella in the slightest. "So if Riley told you should jump from the Coronado Bridge, you would?"

"Well, no. But…"

"Don't 'but' me. I can't look at you right now. I'm heading home, and I suggest you leave me alone for a bit."

Bella spun on her heel and marched out the door, practically leaving a cloud of dust in her wake. Poor Edward still hadn't quite comprehended what had just happened in his living room. As a result, he called Claire for advice. After all, he already had plans to call her for advice on how to please Bella properly. (Edward would've liked to ask advice from a guy, figuring Emmett would have the most knowledge in the sack. But Emmett had informed Edward when the two started dating, "I don't want to think about my sister having sex. Even if you have a million children with her, she'll always be a virgin in my mind.")

After exchanging pleasantries, Edward asked to come over for dinner.

"Honey, what's wrong? You sound down."

"Bella and I had our first fight. I'm not sure she's going to forgive me."

"I was about to set out the food, but if you promise to hurry, I can keep things warm until you arrive."

"Deal."

~oOo~

Edward had hoped Claire and Seth would offer him words of sympathy, as well as advice on how to appease Bella. However, Claire and Seth both criticized him for showing up and then "going all cavemen on her ass," as Seth so eloquently stated it.

"You might as well have pulled her by her hair, slung her over your shoulder, and ran from the restaurant after whacking her client over the head with your club," Claire added. "What were you thinking, really?"

"I just wanted to surprise her for lunch. You know, do something unexpected and special. I just wanted to show her how much I love her."

"Women appreciate it when you do considerate things for them. Are you paying attention, Seth?" Claire pointedly glared at Seth, who chuckled in answer.

"This isn't about my shortcomings, babe. We're helping Edward, remember?" Claire rolled her eyes. They liked to act the parts of Ralph and Alice Kramden, but Claire and Seth actually set a great example of what a successful couple should look like.

"Whatever," Claire snapped in mock annoyance. "But you've got to remember, Edward, that there's a time and a place for displaying acts of love. From everything you and Emmett have said, Bella seems like she's the no-nonsense type of woman who values her business above most other things because she worked hard to get where she is. Your actions could've endangered her business. In any other situation, I'm sure she would've been so happy to see you."

"Yeah, you're right," Edward muttered. "So what do I do now?"

"You give her time. Some women just need to say their piece and then stew about things. They don't want to argue, but they just need to get their feelings off their chests before calming down."

Seth added, "Listen to her, buddy. Claire's that way, so she knows what she's talking about."

"That I am. So I'm an expert. Give her a day or two and then apologize profusely. And if you can, work that apology so you clue her into your original intentions, which will be even better."

Edward nodded. "You realize you're all complicated and make my head spin, right?"

"That's why you men love us. Besides, it's not like you guys are any easier to figure out," Claire countered.

"Au contraire, babe, we're easy to figure out. We need three things to make us happy – food, sports, and pussy. Everything else is just icing on the cake." Seth guffawed at his own joke.

"I'm married to a crude Neanderthal," Claire grumbled. "Don't listen to him, Edward. Your heart was in the right place, but why'd you listen to Riley?"

Edward's answer sounded more like a question. "It seemed like the right thing to do?"

"Next time you want to surprise Bella, why don't you plan it with Riley beforehand? And make it clear that you want her schedule clear." Claire added, "I cannot wait to meet Riley on Monday. He's invited, right?"

Claire was referring to Edward's annual Independence Day barbeque that he had hosted since buying his house. Although his backyard wasn't particularly large, it provided a beautiful view of not only the city to the south, but also of Mission Bay to the west where the city's fireworks display lit up the skies and reflected majestically in the water. Unlike previous years, Edward was sharing hosting duties with Bella. They had invited their parents, which could prove to be interesting; neither Edward, nor Bella had met the other's parents before.

"We invited him, of course. But I have a feeling I'm going to be miserable that day," Edward groused. "She's going to break up with me. I can just tell."

"You cannot imagine how much I want to embody Cher and slap you across the face as I tell you to 'snap out of it!' Believe you me, everything will work itself out, hon. What did I say? Time. Just give her time to cool off. If you don't hear from her by tomorrow, give her a call."

"Okay."

Forgetting to bring up his other reason for needing advice, Edward remained at their house for the rest of the evening, but his sulky attitude drove Claire and Seth crazy, and they couldn't wait to get rid of him. The second the door closed behind him, the couple shut off all the lights in the house and hid in their bedroom from fear that Edward would return. (Normally when Edward was having women problems, he wasn't this whiney.)

~oOo~

A few miles away, Bella paced around her living room, grumbling about the complete idiocy of men. Once she had organized her thoughts, she gave Riley a call, laying into him for his utter stupidity.

"Why would you tell Edward that it was okay for him to join me and Mike Newton?"

Riley didn't commit major blunders often – the last came three years earlier when he approved their annual yellow pages ad with the wrong phone number – and he couldn't understand why this qualified as one.

Then why did this mistake rub her so wrong? Well, the stress of meeting Edward's parents, or rather her parents meeting his parents, had put her on edge. As the new couple had discovered, their parents were polar opposites, and she feared fights were destined to break out. Plus, if she and Edward ever married, she could face a lifetime of refereeing their disagreements.

"Because I didn't think it would be a big deal," Riley responded.

"No, you just didn't think." Bella's reaction was terse. "We'll discuss this further tomorrow. Goodnight, Riley."

Riley wasn't given a chance to apologize or finish the call with his own "goodnight" because Bella ended the call immediately.

~oOo~

Edward slept horribly that night, partly because Bella wasn't next to him and partly because of guilt. He wanted to call her, send her a million flowers, grovel at her feet, but Edward accepted that Claire was most likely right about Bella. So Edward waited impatiently by the phone that next day, ignoring the shenanigans of his classes' students. They could've burned down the buildings around him, and Edward probably wouldn't notice if his cell weren't ringing at the same time.

That evening, the deafening silence was broken by Bella's ringtone. Finally. (The way he was acting, you'd think she had walked out a week earlier, not less than 24 hours prior.)

"Bella, is that you?"

She smirked into her phone. "Who else did you think it would be with my caller-ID information?"

"Right." Like the previous night, Edward was at a loss for words. He wiped his sweaty hands on the shorts covering his muscled thighs and continued. "I'm so sorry, baby. I was hoping to surprise you. You know, do something special so you'd know how much I appreciate you."

"You don't need to do any of that. I'm already aware how you feel about me. Although the sentiment is appreciated, you don't need to jump through hoops to show you how much you love me. Just listen to my problems and hold me tight at night. That's the best way you can prove to me your love."

"And I do love you, Bella."

She giggled. "I love you, too. Now can I come over? Sleeping alone sucked, and I miss you."

"You're not mad at me?"

Bella sighed. "I got over that after a few hours. But I had to make you sweat. If I could sleep decently without you, I'd make you sweat another day."

"You realize I haven't given you permission to come over yet, right? You should've revealed all of this after you were already here," he laughed.

"I was being polite when I asked. Remember, I have a key."

"How could I forget? Were it not for that key, I'd have had a more restful nap yesterday."

"Wow, is it pathetic that I've craved our banter since leaving last night?"

Edward answered, "No. I was so worried you were breaking up with me that I invited myself to dinner with Claire and Seth so I could get advice."

"You didn't," Bella scoffed as she sauntered into his living room.

"Jesus, you scared me," Edward said as he clutched his chest. "How in the hell did you get here so fast?"

"I was parked on the curb, hoping we were cool. We're cool, right?"

Edward motioned for Bella to join him on the couch. She curled her body into him and rested her head on the hollow below his shoulder. Before he spoke, he brushed a few stray hairs from her face and kissed forehead tenderly. "Of course, we're cool."

"Then can we go to bed? I'm exhausted."

"Bella, it's not even 6:30 yet."

"I didn't say we were going to sleep…"

~oOo~

That Monday, Edward and Bella prepped his house and backyard for the impending invasion by friends and family. They groaned when the doorbell chimed, alerting them that their first guests had arrived.

"That'll no doubt be the Chief. He doesn't understand the concept of being on-time or late. No matter how often I remind him how rude it is to arrive early, he reminds me how rude it is to arrive late. It's an argument we've been having my whole life."

Apparently, Chief Swan thought it rude to leave guests waiting on the porch because he started to ring it repeatedly.

Just before opening the door, Bella whispered to Edward, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"No, but we probably should've thought about that a little earlier."

"It's not like I could avoid spending the holiday with my parents and join your family instead."

Chief Swan bellowed through the closed door, "Are you kids going to stop tittering and open the damn door?"

Not wasting another second, Bella swung the door open, immediately plastering a smile on her face. "Chief! Mom! I'm so glad you two could make it. This is Edward," she gripped Edward's waist a bit tightly. "And these are my parents, Chief Swan and Renee."

"Sir, ma'am. It's an honor to meet you both. Let me tell you how much I adore your daughter and how I would never do anything to harm her."

Charlie Swan barked a laugh and patted Edward on the shoulder. "I like this one, Bells. Very respectful."

Before Bella had a chance to intercede and protect Edward from the horror that was her gun-toting dad, more guests showed up. The Chief steered Edward out back, and the two began discussing the pluses and minuses of various charcoal brands.

Everyone they'd invited had arrived except for Edward's parents, who the Chief would call "rude" because they were already forty-five minutes late. Maybe they won't make it, and we can avoid any problems. As soon as she had the thought, the doorbell rang again. No, why would I be that lucky?

Opening the door, Bella was surprised by the sight of the two people standing in front of her. The man had long, blond hair, wore wooden beads around his neck and Birkenstocks on his feet. His jeans were full of holes, and the tie-dyed shirt over his chest and shoulders looked like a remnant of the Sixties. There was no mistaking that the woman was Edward's mother; her wavy, graying hair was the same dark-red shade as Edward's, and her eyes were a vibrant green. The similarities ended there, though; Edward would never be caught dead or alive in a dashiki, nor would he wear a crystal on a chain for any reason other than a costume party.

"Are you Bella? You're so pretty. I'm getting a really good vibe from you. Oh, where are my manners? I'm Carlisle Cullen and this is my partner, Esme Platt." Bella's mouth hung open as Carlisle pulled her in for a hug, causing her eyes to open in a manner similar to that of her mouth.

Edward had warned Bella that his parents were often referred to as hippies, but she hadn't anticipated that they'd actually be hippies. She almost expected them to light up a doobie on the spot and offer her a hit. And that's when the light bulb over her head lit up – Edward was so uptight and rather conservative (especially when it came to weed) because he was rebelling against them. It also explained why Alice was what the Chief would call "artsy-fartsy" (she was an interior designer who liked lots of color and recycled or reclaimed items).

Rather than give Bella an opportunity to respond to Carlisle, Esme followed suit, drawing her into another embrace.

"Edward never shuts up about you, Bella. Of course, Jasper and Alice sing your praises, too. Now promise us you'll remain true to your femininity and only marry and have kids if that's what you want."

Bella wasn't sure how to respond to Carlisle's words. After all, it wasn't exactly normal for a man to suggest to a woman that she stay true to her "femininity". She just decided to be polite and welcome them into Edward's house.

"Everyone's outside. If you'd like to meet my parents, you can find them monopolizing Edward." Bella immediately cringed at the suggestion that they introduce themselves to the Chief and Renee. So much for trying to keep them all separated as much as possible. Bella added nervously, "Can I grab you something to drink?"

"No, dear. We'll just head out there and find something later. It was so lovely to finally meet you," Esme said as they walked through the house.

Standing by the sliding door, Bella watched the scene unfold as if it were a bad car accident from which she couldn't remove her eyes.

"Edward!" Esme called across the backyard.

At the sound of his mother's voice, Edward's shoulders slumped infinitesimally. It wasn't that he was unhappy to see his parents; rather, he was acutely aware of what was about to come.

Cutting off the conversation Edward was having with Charlie and Renee, Carlisle gripped his son in a hug. The look on the Chief's face was priceless – it was a mixture of annoyance (that someone interrupted him) and distaste (that two men would outwardly show such affection in public).

"Where are my manners?" Yeah, Edward was trying to rectify the situation that already was unfolding. "Chief Swan, these are my parents, Esme Platt and Carlisle Cullen."

Rather than respond, Charlie glared at them. After a few uncomfortable beats, he finally spoke, slapping Carlisle on his back in a fraternal way. "You've got yourself a feminist, huh? Kept her maiden name?"

Thankfully, Carlisle was good-natured and had gotten similar questions over the years. "No, we never married."

That tidbit was news to Bella; she always figured Esme had remained a "Platt" because of an already-established law practice.

The Chief nodded and pursed his lips in a condescending way before grunting, "Huh."

Whether sensing the potential for fireworks a few hours too early or because of general interest, Esme turned to Renee and asked about her grandson. "I understand your son and his wife have a child. I don't see any children out here. Did they bring her or him?"

With a twinkle in her eye, Renee piped up like the proudest grandmother. "Him. Oh, my Liam is napping right now. We can go inside and peek on him, but I've got thousands of photos on my phone to tide us over until he wakes up. C'mon, let's grab some cocktails and share."

The two women conspiratorially slinked off, leaving Edward in the unfortunate position between his father and Charlie. Bella and Edward made eye contact, but they couldn't prevent the direction the discussion was about to take very fast – careers.

The Chief said, "Well, what do you guys do?"

"I'm a professor of women's studies at SDSU, and Esme runs a clinic for Latino immigrants seeking legal residency in the US."

"Dad!" Bella jumped in. "How about this view?" The question was lame, but she could only imagine all of the various paths her father would take after hearing those professions. Although incredibly supportive of Bella (and her career), he wasn't terribly open-minded. Bella loved the Chief, but not his extreme beliefs and right-wing politics. In fact, those beliefs and politics had eventually led to her parents' divorce years earlier. Only after Renee left him when he denied her demands to be allowed to work did he lessen his stance on women's rights.

"Charlie," Emmett bellowed, sensing his sister's distress. (Emmett was one of a handful of people with permission to call him by his name.) "Do you think the NFL lockout will ever end?"

Bella wanted to engage in some incestuous kissing in that moment; she'd never before been more thankful for her brother breaking into a conversation. Em steered his stepdad to the corner nearest the barbeque.

"Perfect place for the man's man," Bella muttered under her breath. She moved next to Edward, who wrapped his arms around Bella affectionately.

"That was close," he whispered into his ear as his father discussed an article he'd read that discussed the reemergence of weak women as heroines in literature.

"Oh, where is my head? I'm sure you two don't care much about novels aimed at teenage girls," Carlisle commented. "You kids go and host your party. I know almost everyone here, so don't worry about me."

Alone again, Bella asked, "You love me, right?" When Edward nodded with a quizzical look on his face, she continued. "Then promise me you'll still want to be with me regardless of how our parents get along."

He smiled brilliantly. "I promise. Just so you know, one day I'm going to ask you to marry me. When I do, I'm going to make you promise that we never get them in the same place again. Deal?"

"Deal. You're thinking your sister's elopement is looking better and better by the moment, aren't you?" Bella chuckled.

"Uh-huh."

With the sun setting around them, the couple cuddled and watched their friends and family mingle. They considered rejoining the festivities, but Edward and Bella were entirely content to remain in their own bubble.


	15. Chapter 15

After much deliberation, Edward sought Claire's advice about how to please Bella properly. Edward had expected Claire to give him some how-tos. He didn't anticipate that instead she instead would instruct him to head to her favorite sex shop, located on the outskirts of Hillcrest. Claire didn't want to be responsible for Edward's successes or failures in the sack. Besides, she was as squicked out thinking about Edward having sex as Emmett was about Bella doing the same. He was like a brother…

So a few days after Edward and Bella hosted their Independence Day party, he found himself parked in his car, observing the foot traffic in and out of Red Light/Green Light, waiting for the moment when he least expected to encounter another person. After two hours out front, out came the last customer he'd seen go in, and Edward made his way into the store. Although not really sure what to expect, nothing could prepare Edward for the overabundance of dildos, vibrators, sex toys, lingerie, lubes, and pornos that lined the walls and aisles of the store.

He let out an audible gulp. What the hell am I doing here? I don't even know what those are or how to use them, Edward thought when he spied a display of lava lamp- and bubble-shaped butt plugs.

At the wide-eyed confusion on Edward's face, a woman approached Edward. "Do you need help finding something?"

Blush covered every inch of Edward's skin from head to toe and deepened when he looked at the woman standing behind him. She's old enough to be my grandmother. How can I be expected to talk to this woman about sexual aids?

"Thanks, but I was just leaving."

Before Edward had a chance to move away from the saleswoman, she interrupted him. "There's no need to be embarrassed, son."

Did she just call me 'son'? Could this get any more mortifying?

"Let me guess? You and your boyfriend wanted to mix things up? We have a very large selection of thick plugs and stuffers. I've also got a triple header that has gotten raves from both men and women—"

The words coming out of her mouth were traumatizing Edward, and he had to interrupt her.

"I'm not here for my boyfriend," Edward stammered. "I mean, I'm not gay. Um, shit, uh, wow." Edward began mumbling to himself, and the grandmotherly woman patiently waited for him to continue.

Again, he made to flee, and again, she intercepted him. "There's nothing you could say that I haven't heard or given advice on. I assure you, everything you say will be held in the strictest of confidence." She placed a comforting hand on Edward's arm, and he tensed a little. "If you don't want help, that's your choice. But there is nothing better than being sexually satisfied."

An interminable time passed until Edward finally stated his purpose for visiting Red Light/Green Light. "I can't, um, bring my girlfriend to, um, completion," he mumbled. With a little more confidence, he added, "All I want is to please her and bring her joy."

"Then that's what we're going to do."

The older woman, who introduced herself as "Wanda", sat Edward down, and the two discussed his knowledge, what the couple had already tried, and his worries.

Almost three hours later – Wanda had to leave his side a few times to ring up other customers' purchases – Edward returned to his car, armed with two very large handle bags filled with how-to books and videos; fur-covered cuffs; vibrators of varying length, width, and ability; lubes to stimulate and numb; a sex sling; a liberator wedge; massage oils, both edible and not; a rabbit-fur crop; and one of those horrifying butt plugs.

Edward wasn't sure whether they'd ever use any of the items, but he was sure he would never want such a dreadful experience again.

~oOo~

For the next few days after work and before Bella came over, Edward read all of the instructional books and viewed the DVDs. Armed with a copious set of notes, Edward prepped his house and bedroom for their first time while Bella met her brother for Saturday brunch.

After a quick run to the nearest florist, Edward began setting the mood. Because the weather outside was warm and sunny, Edward cranked up the air conditioning and drew the curtains. He then placed previously purchased scented candles around his living room and bedroom and followed by distributing the fragrant flowers throughout the house.

With a quick peek at his watch, Edward figured he had another hour until Bella would return to his house for their afternoon date. (Bella thought the couple were heading over to the La Jolla Cove for a leisurely walk along the coast; Edward, of course, had other plans for the two.) The excitement of finally sliding into Bella's wet, warm pussy had tortured Edward since he awoke with a raging case of morning wood, and he desperately needed to spank his monkey. He also expected that jerking off would help him last a little longer than he did whenever Bella gave him hand or blow jobs.

As soon as the warm water hit Edward's back, he squirted body wash into each palm before he tugged on his balls while his hand wrapped around his shaft, moving up and down and twisting around the head. Thoughts of Bella writhing below him and calling out his name helped Edward come after a few minutes.

Edward finished his shower and dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt, leaving his feet bare. Moments later, Bella phoned, alerting Edward she'd be over within fifteen minutes, giving him little time to light the candles and strategically camouflage the toys he figured wouldn't alarm her the moment they were revealed. The crop, plug, cuffs, and sling would wait for another day.

From his bedroom, Edward heard the clicking of the door's lock disengaging followed by the clicking of Bella's heels across his floor. The overpowering and conflicting scents of the flowers and candles hit Bella's nostrils, and she began coughing.

"Who died? It's like a fucking mortuary in here," Bella joked as she followed the pathway of flickering lights into Edward's room.

On the floor sat Edward, looking up at Bella with hopeful eyes.

His hungry expression stopped her snickers cold.

"I want you on the edge of the bed," Edward commanded.

Those eyes and words – this was a side of Edward Bella had yet to see. And Bella would be lying if she said it didn't turn her on.

With a slight nod, she obeyed Edward and sat. Edward rose to his knees and spread Bella's legs so he could move between them. Their eyes locked, and Edward's hands, shaking slightly, reached out and untied the material keeping her wrap dress around her. Agonizingly slow, Edward opened Bella's dress, revealing her soft alabaster skin to him.

Her panties were getting wet, and she ached to rub her thighs together to create some friction, but Edward had other ideas. He slipped the frock off her shoulders and arms and bent over to lightly lick her collarbone.

Bella mewled in response. "More," she begged.

"Be patient, Bella. You'll get more."

She nodded and watched as Edward reached around and unhooked her bra, dragging his fingers along her skin and leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. Breaking contact, Bella's eyes closed, her head lolled to the side, and she took a deep breath as tingles began surging through her body.

Edward cupped one of her breasts, and the nipple hardened in response. Bella's back arched, and she pushed her tit into his hand. The move was unintentional – just her body's natural reaction to the sensations, but Edward didn't care.

Immediately, he withdrew his hand and taunted her.

"Nah uh, Bella."

Her eyes shot open, and a pout formed on her mouth.

"This is torture," she whined.

"But no doubt, it's the best kind of torture."

"What if I don't want to play along?"

Edward grabbed Bella's hand and ran it over the bulge in his pants. "Then you won't get to feel this pounding into that sweet pussy of yours. Over and over again."

Yeah, this dirty talk was doing all sorts of good things to Bella's lady bits. "Fuuuck."

"That's what I thought," Edward smirked.

Bending towards one of her tits, Edward's tongue poked out of his mouth and swiped across one of those pert nipples. Bella groaned, causing Edward to draw it into his mouth before biting down on it. A sharp intake of breath from Bella filled the silence of the room – the pain Edward created turned to pleasure instantly. Turning toward the other breast, Edward repeated the action, but with his hand played with the first.

"So good," Bella praised.

Once Bella had squirmed long enough, Edward ran his fingers along the waistband of her panties, which didn't match her bra – not that it mattered to either of them. Lifting her hips ever so slightly and with a whimper, Bella allowed Edward to slide her damp undies down her legs. As soon as he'd gotten them past her heels, Bella moved to push her shoes off her feet, but Edward liked them.

"They stay."

She nodded. "Okay."

Edward tugged one of her legs over his shoulder and turned his head towards the other. He kissed the inside of her ankle and began a trail of kisses, licks, and nips up her leg and inner thigh. Edward's actions were affecting Bella as much as he expected; he spied the glistening along her slit and could feel the muscles of her legs fighting against their spread position.

Just before he took a long lick, Edward ran his nose along her center and inhaled deeply.

"You smell amazing."

The words caused Bella to moan. His tongue peeked out from his mouth and grazed her clit, forcing another moan, a wanton one, from between her lips.

Again, their eyes locked, and Edward could see the dilation of her pupils, which he took as an invitation to continue his exploration of her fragrant core.

One of his books suggested that, with his tongue, he trace the letters of the alphabet against her clit. Of course, he followed the direction.

The letters "E" and "Z" affected Bella most and sent jolts of pleasure through her. Bella's hands pulled on Edward's hair and pushed his head deeper between her legs.

Despite the pleasure this brought her, Edward had more in store than just the letters of the alphabet. Two of his fingers glided through her wetness before thrusting inside, pumping and curling. His tongue continued to work, and thanks to Bella's increased pleasure and sweet taste, Edward hummed in excitement. His other hand reached up and tweaked a nipple just as he bit her clit.

The oppositional sensations brought Bella to the edge and gave her the image she never expected to see – her own string. Just as she jumped off the plateau, her mind conjured up the sight of her tie joining with Edward's into a majestic silken red bow.

"Edward, holy shit," Bella chanted as her orgasm vibrated through her body. He slowed his licks while her body finished quaking, and Bella pulled his face to her and began kissing him. Bella's taste on his tongue drove her crazy, and a frenzy overtook them as their passionate kisses became deeper and sloppier.

"It's you. I see it. Everyone was right." Her words only confused Edward.

In response to her babbling, anxiety momentarily coursed through him until what she said rolled around his mind. "What are you trying to say?"

Bella motioned between their bodies. "You. Me. Us. You're it for me. We belong together."

They both grinned widely, understanding the weight of her words. "You make me so, so happy, Bella."

"I've got to have you. I need to feel you," Bella whined at the same time she gripped the hem of his shirt and tugged it over his head. "Please, Edward. Please, please, please. Just…now," she keened.

Edward moved to crawl over her, but wrapped an arm around her waist and heaved her body with his so they were in the center of his bed with their bodies flush.

"I'm not through with you yet," he warned.

"Then let me return the favor."

Considering her offer, Edward came up with a better idea. "There's something I want to try."

Unzipping his jeans and removing them along with his boxers, Edward turned his body around so his mouth faced Bella's pussy and her mouth grazed his dick, which seemed to bounce with excitement.

The couple didn't need words; they both understood what Edward was proposing, and Bella wholeheartedly accepted this offer for sixty-nine. They both went to work, and the competing feelings – Bella's mouth and fingers gripping his cock and Edward's digits and tongue working her cunt – kept Edward from coming too soon.

Sooner than either of them ever expected, Bella's body began to shake, and she orgasmed again. Before she came down, Edward had righted his body, sheathed his dick with a condom, and slid into her.

Bella's eyes shot open and gazed deep into Edward's. They both could see the other's soul in that moment, and they both felt the enormity of her gift, a gift that she'd spent so long thinking was nothing more than a curse.

Her hips met his as he thrust into her over and over. They whispered simple messages of love and groaned and hissed each time he pulled out to pump back into her.

"Until you, Edward," thrust, "I always felt like a freak." Push. "This sixth sense to know when," pound, "two people belong together," drive, "has always sucked." Pump. "Sure, it's been helpful matchmaking, but…" A tear slipped from her eye, and Edward wiped it away before she continued with a giggle. "None of that," hammer, "matters anymore." Pivot. "We belong together," Bella shouted.

"I've got neighbors," Edward warned. He then slammed hard into Bella, which elicited another kind of shout from her. "If I want them to hear you, I want it to be because of my dick making you come repeatedly."

Edward sat up onto his knees and gripped her hips, jerking them so their skin slapped. The new position caused them both to moan. After driving into her a few times, Edward placed a palm on her stomach and trailed his hand down until he reached her nub, rubbing it roughly.

"You like that, don't you?" But Edward couldn't wait for her answer because the walls of her core began to contract, and he felt the signaling of his own orgasm, something he'd managed to stave off for a rather long time. The tingling shot through his body, and he felt it deep in his toes. "Marry me."

Deep breaths and shudders of sweaty bodies filled the silence of the room for minutes.

Finally, Bella asked, "Did you just pull a clichéd move of proposing to me during sex?"

"Maybe," Edward hedged.

Bella chuckled, "Although I'm only alive when you're inside me – as I've just discovered – and I love you with all my heart, all of this is just so," she searched for the words, "overwhelming. Ask me again. I promise to say 'Yes, yes, oh yes!' Now what was this all about, and how did you manage to last so long?"

"I wanted our first time to be perfect, so I whacked off first. I also tested out some of those pills that are supposed to make you last longer – Expanze."

"How'd you know how to do all of that with your tongue, teeth, and fingers?"

"I researched it," Edward preened. "I didn't like coming so fast, and I was failing you."

"You could never fail me, Edward. Just loving me means you're doing everything I need."

Edward grinned before repeating, "Marry me."

"I didn't mean right now. Besides, aren't you the son of the people who've never married? Of the same people who warned me to marry only if I was sure?"

Like a petulant little boy whose mother took away his favorite toy for misbehaving, Edward sulked. "Fine. But I'm going to keep asking because I want to guarantee you'll be stuck with me forever."

"I'm sure you will. I love you, Edward."

And he did ask again – at least once a day.

~oOo~

The rest of July and August passed with lightning speed. Each day, Bella brought over more clothing and belongings until she was, for all intents and purposes, living with Edward in his home. They'd agreed to take the housing plunge together, but hadn't settled on a time.

As September dawned, the couple discussed the upcoming school year and football seasons during a dinner party with Seth and Claire, Emmett and Rose. Edward and Seth again purchased season tickets for all Aztecs and Chargers home games, and Edward begged Bella to accompany him to one of the games.

"Dude, Bella. Man up," Em challenged, earning a smirk and head shake from his wife.

"There is no way I plan to be seen with you guys with all that war paint covering your bodies. Just too embarrassing."

"I'm with Bella. You've been trying to drag me along since college, and it hasn't happened yet," Claire commiserated. "You guys always look ridiculous and end up with the colors smeared before the end of the first quarter. Each time the TV coverage pans past you, I cringe and pray no one recognizes you."

"You're just jealous that you can't go topless to a football game," Seth challenged.

Without wasting a beat, Claire responded, "I don't think anyone would mind if my ta-tas were on display."

Everyone, save Seth, laughed. Seth frowned, grumbling, "Only I get to see your hot tits. No one else."

Claire jumped into Seth's lap and kissed him rather salaciously.

Rose asked, "Can you two take the dry humping elsewhere? I'm trying to keep my meal in my stomach."

"Fine, fine," Seth said while holding on tight to Claire, who just rolled her eyes. "Just come with us, Bella. You'll enjoy yourself. And if you don't, there's lots of watered-down beer to get you drunk."

"I'll agree on two conditions. One: you promise to keep me filled with some of that tasty-sounding beer; and two: you ladies go to at least one game, as well."

Rose smiled slyly. "You're a crafty one, Bella. Okay, I'll go to a game."

Claire also consented, but she added another caveat. "You guys also have to buy us any snacks or clothing we want."

One by one, each said, "Deal."

~oOo~

On opening Sunday of the season, Bella stripped down to a bikini top and jean cut-offs and painted her body according to the plan she devised with the boys. Already covered in paint himself, Edward walked into the bathroom and pressed his chest against Bella's back.

"Aren't you going to smudge that? I don't want to have to fix things right before we head out."

"It dries after thirty minutes, Bella. See?" Edward took one of Bella's hands and trailed them along his trim stomach. "Now can I help you with your back?"

"That would be marvelous. Thank you, honey."

Employing the expertise he'd developed during almost fifteen years of body painting, Edward deftly smeared paint on every inch of uncovered skin, kissing each spot with a swipe of his tongue first.

"If you keep doing that, I may demand that you take me against this bathroom counter."

Edward nibbled at the curve along her waist. "If you don't mind being a little late picking up the guys, that can be arranged."

Bella was conflicted, but ultimately decided to stay on task.

Two hours later, Bella, Edward, Emmett, and Seth squeezed past other Chargers fans, high-fiving a few other returning season-ticket holders along the way.

"Jeff, this is my sister, Bella. We ganged up on her and convinced her to join the group for a week."

He shook her extended hand. "Good to meet you, Bella. You realize if you're in this section, you're required to be loud and rowdy?"

"Yeah. I'm not looking forward to it, but the boys promised to keep me tanked. I'm hoping I forget everything that happens today, otherwise I may never be able to face myself in a mirror again," Bella sniggered. She turned to Seth, "Speaking of which, I'd like something to drink. Find whatever has the highest alcohol percentage."

As promised, the boys kept Bella liquored up and she cheered, taunted, yelled, and heckled. Edward couldn't be prouder. He was also glad she was rather inebriated. It meant the potential sting that could accompany what was about to happen would be less.

When the first quarter ended, the cameras focused on the group. On the Jumbotron screen, a heart formed around Edward and Bella, and the words, "Bella Swan, will you marry me?" appeared just as Edward dropped to one knee, popping open a black box with a diamond eternity band wedged inside.

Bella wasn't drunk enough. Her eyes flashed anger, and she smiled stiffly. After a few moments of silence from the couple and raucous cheers from the crowd, Bella realized she had no choice. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"You heard me, Edward. Now stand up so I can kick your ass."

They kissed, the other 70,000 fans at the stadium went crazy, and Em and Seth laughed.

"I told you, Edward. All you needed to do was propose in such a public setting that she would have to agree to marry you."

"This was your idea, Emmett? Some brother you are," Bella joked. She punched him in the bicep, but he barely felt it. His sister's abuse was anything but.

"Yep, when Emmett suggested it, I decided to call in some favors," Seth added.

"So you all are to blame? Y'all are a bunch of asshats, just so you know." With that, Bella employed the silent treatment for the rest of the game. She couldn't deny it, though. Bella was getting her happily ever after.


	16. Epilogue

They say you never really know someone until you live with them.

It was shortly after Bella moved into Edward's house that shit got real, and they discovered each other's worst habits.

Edward, like most males, always left the bathroom door open and the toilet seat up, drank directly from the milk and orange juice cartons, and had a tendency to leave his dirty clothes on the floor (right next to the hamper!) and dirty dishes around the house. There were a few squabbles after Bella fell into the toilet in the middle of the night a couple of times, but she was laid back enough to let those things slide off her shoulders.

The real fights between the two centered on Bella's one idiosyncrasy: she claimed the house's large storage closet as her own, going so far as to place her own lock on it. Edward wanted to know what secrets the closet kept. Repeatedly, he pressed her, but she wouldn't budge. Finally, he sought Seth's help, and the two picked the lock when Bella was at work.

Were there skeletons hiding in the closet? Not exactly. Seems Bella took a page out of the Friends catalog and stuffed the nook to the rafters with so much junk that Edward and Seth found themselves wrestling the door to reclose and lock it.

When Edward brought up his discovery, another fight broke out. ("That was private! How could you violate my trust, Edward?" "You were violating my trust, Bella, by not sharing everything with me.") This fight was one of those you see in movies – where the man and woman eventually find themselves naked, sweaty, and bent over the nearest piece of furniture having angry sex.

Once they had caught their breath, they followed it with a round of make-up sex and an agreement that certain things were better left unsaid or undiscovered.

~oOo~

"Did you take Paul out?" Edward, who was situated in bed, bellowed to Bella.

With the last light in the house turned off, Bella joined Edward. "Don't I always? He went number one and number two!"

They both began tittering like two teenage girls who had just walked in the vicinity of their crush. In actuality, Bella and Edward were partaking in their own brand of mockery – making fun of their friends and families who spent far too much time talking about the bowel movements of their newborns and toddlers.

One thing became very clear to Bella and Edward early in their relationship – neither wanted children. They didn't dislike children; they jumped at every opportunity to babysit their nieces and nephew and spoiled them silly, but they liked the idea that at the end of the day, the children went home.

Paul, their rescue Boxane – half Boxer, half Great Dane – was their child and had been since Bella fell in love with him when he was a puppy. He was odd-looking, with a dark brindle coat along his back, black feet, and a white chest. And even though he tipped the scales at 125 pounds, Paul considered himself a lapdog and tried to sit on either parent's lap. Luckily, his size, lack of awareness, and docile nature made him a favorite with their families.

Paul had been a source of amusement for the couple since adopting him. The dog seemed to have worse gas problems than any other being on the planet, and Bella once threatened him with permanent insertion of a butt plug when he cleared the house during a holiday party. (Yes, it was that butt plug, which Edward eventually presented to a horrified Bella. "My butthole is exit only, Edward. But I'd be happy to use it on you!") Of course, her words always went unnoticed by Paul; he wasn't the brightest dog and understood fewer than ten words.

With the house locked up and Paul curled up on his bed, Bella joined Edward in bed.

"You know, we have a really good life," Bella commented.

And they did.

Shortly after they were engaged – and despite her hope for anonymity while lathered in body paint, ESPN showed a clip on Sportscenter that night, leading all the local San Diego stations to follow suit – a cable network tracked her down and offered her a reality show matchmaking singletons. But unlike other matchmaking programs on television, Bella's lacked the requisite drama of a successful show because she made matches that stuck. When ratings dropped after each airing, the network cancelled the show after its first season.

Bella and Edward weren't disappointed; the complete loss of privacy while cameras filmed virtually every aspect of her life caused friction between them, which the relatively large payday could not ameliorate. Once filming ceased, Bella invested much of the money, but saved some so she and Edward could enjoy a few vacations to places each had always wanted to visit.

"Get some sleep, baby," Edward cooed, kissing her hair. "We've got a long day ahead of us."

The next day, Paul would be heading over to Uncle Emmett's and Aunt Rose's house for two weeks while Bella and Edward cruised through the Aegean and Mediterranean Seas.

Thinking about all they had to do before their late-afternoon flight departed LAX, Bella worried, "Did you pack Paul's toys? Em will be devastated if he doesn't get to roll around with Paul in the dirt."

"Yes," Edward began, shaking his head at the image of a muddy Emmett tugging with his teeth on a different end of a rabbit from Paul. "I packed them, even though it didn't stop your brother from buying out Petco in a fit of excitement the last time they took him in. Em does realize he's not a dog, right?"

Bella just chuckled and quickly kissed Edward on the lips before finding her spot against his chest. With an arm wrapped around her, Edward pulled Bella into him and quickly fell asleep, dreaming of the three of them sailing around the world on their own boat one day.

Yeah, they had a good life.


	17. Outtakes

Outtake – Chapter Nine: Ever wonder what Edward was thinking about during his drive back to San Diego?

323 miles… What do I say? Do I may a joke about crashing another wedding before we leave Vegas?

315 miles… In time with the music playing on the stereo, I tap my fingers against the steering wheel. I'm still at a loss as to what to say to her. Do I make small talk?

312 miles… Should I suggest we make a stop for drinks before we get too far from civilization? Nah, we just left.

290 miles… We've barely spoken since we left, so I decide to break the silence. "Can I skip this song?" When Bella barely nods and doesn't say anything, I press the arrow on my iPod and return to my head.

260 miles… She's so fucking beautiful. I look over at her and reach to brush her hair over her shoulder, but catch myself before she notices. I bet her hair is soft.

259 miles… Her skin is probably soft. I think Bella's tits would feel soft in my hands.

241 miles… I have to stop thinking about her perfect breasts because I'm pretty hard, and Bella just asked to stop for snacks at the next exit. She doesn't need to see my problem.

210 miles… Bella never said she couldn't date. Just that she didn't. Should I ask her out on a date?

185 miles… Maybe I should get some advice from Ally. She'll know what I should do about Bella.

178 miles… I wonder if the Padres have any home games this weekend?

171 miles… Oh yeah, they've got a series against the D-Backs. I should call Em and Seth. Maybe they want to go.

163 miles… I don't need Ally, I can do this on my own. Yeah, now how do I broach the topic with Bella?

155 miles… So I think you're a groovy chick, Bella. Let's go out on a hot date… –– I groan quietly with this lame attempt at asking out Bella. Unfortunately, she heard me groan and worriedly looks over towards me. With her expression, she asks if I'm alright. I smile, which she mirrors before turning back to the road.

144 miles… What's that horrible smell? Can we smell the cows this far away?

120 miles… Shit, I'm running out of time. We've been in this car for over three hours, and I've been entirely unable to say or do anything to express my interest.

105 miles… I should just touch her, but where? God, she'll probably think I'm being pervy and demand I drop her off.

103 miles… I'll start complimenting her. Ally says women like that.

90 miles… Bella smiled at me after the first few compliments, but now she's staring at me with incredulity. She probably thinks I'm full of shit.

75 miles… Now what? Do I just come out with it? –– Bella, I want to be more than friends. Would you want the same?

60 miles… Any year now, Cullen.

30 miles… Spit it out. Shit or get off the pot.

28 miles… Is it really this hard to talk to Bella? We've never had a problem like this before.

23 miles… I'm just going to do this over the phone because otherwise, I'll continue to chicken out.

20 miles… No, I can do this. I'm doing this… when we pull of the freeway.

12 miles… I turn and look at her. Her whole face lights up when she smiles. Bella's excited about getting home. She's commenting about how much it sucks living out of a suitcase, but that it won't ever stop her from traveling. Bella's gets giddy when she tells me about her past travels.

6 miles… I breathe deeply a few times, inhaling Bella's scent, which calms me. I think it's fitting that her scent is what calms me enough to ask her out.

3 miles… Just as I open my mouth about a date with her, Bella brings up my next date… with her client. Will I ever be able to go on a date with Bella instead?

.

.

Outtake – Chapter Twelve: What happened in the car after getting stuck in the parking lot on their first date?

I wanted to laugh, but with one look at the mortified expression on his face, I was certain the slightest chuckle would crush him. How could anyone not be endeared to this dear man? Only he would be upset over getting stuck in a small car following this most amazing evening.

He had to know how much I adored him and how much I enjoyed the evening, didn't he? With one askance glance, I could tell he didn't.

Leaning across the gearshift, I placed a hand on the side of Edward's face and pulled him to me before kissing his cheek. I sensed I should reassure him that I didn't want to be anywhere else.

"Thank you for a perfect date. I will never forget how wonderful tonight has been and will continue to be," I whispered next to his ear just as I scraped my teeth along the lobe.

In response, Edward lightly sighed. "Everything was supposed to be perfect. But I didn't think of looking at the park's hours. Can you forgive me?"

"You're too hard on yourself, Edward. There's nothing to forgive. Now, out of this car and join me in the back. And don't you think of using that phone!" Edward had grabbed his phone and was scrolling through the numbers. As soon as I told him to put it away, he complied; because I noticed the beginning of a smile on his face, I threw my door open and jumped out.

"We don't need anyone to pick us up. Let's camp in the back. There's ample room if we push the seats forward." There wasn't a lot of room, but I liked the idea of us being smooshed into the tight space.

Edward and I shifted the seats forward as far as they'd go and crawled into the back. I curled up and wrested my head against his chest, and Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead. Angling my head up, I caught his lips.

My hand that had been on his chest for only a moment began a descent towards the growing bulge in his pants.

Edward quietly whimpered at the contact, and I quickly bit his lower lip. The kiss quickly heated up, and I felt Edward's hands cup my ass before he pulled me on top of him. Grounding my hips into him, we both groaned at the contact.

Just as fast as things progressed, they stopped; Edward slowed the kisses and pressed his head into my neck.

"What's wrong?"

"Bella, I want this. You have no idea how much. Well, I guess you have some idea," Edward chuckled. "It's just not time yet, and I really don't want our first time to be like some cheap tryst between two horny teenagers."

"But we're two horny adults. Doesn't that make it less cheap and count for something?" I queried.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, Edward's lips met mine briefly, and he shifted me next to him again.

We kissed a few more times, until Edward spoke again. "The sun's going to shine pretty bright in the morning and will wake us up. Let's try to get some sleep, okay?"

I wanted to argue, but Edward was right. Besides, regardless of how much sleep we got, we were surely to be wrecks in the morning; our positions were uncomfortable, and it was already past midnight.

"Goodnight, Edward. Sleep tight, and don't let the Bella bugs bite."


End file.
